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Dear Dogs and Cats

Pets   (1,297 Views 11 Comments)
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(received via email, can't take credit for creating it, but thought you'd enjoy it! :d)

 

 

 

dear dogs and cats,

 

the dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. the other dishes are mine and contain my food. please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do i find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

 

the stairway was not designed by nascar and is not a racetrack. beating me to the bottom is not the object. tripping me doesn't help because i fall faster than you can run.

 

i cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. i am very sorry about this. do not think i will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. i also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

 

for the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. if by some miracle i beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. i must exit through the same door i entered. also, i have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

 

the proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. i cannot stress this enough!

 

 

 

to pacify you, my dear pets, i have posted the following message on our front door:

 

all non-pet owners who visit & like to complain about our pets:

 

1. they live here. you don't.

2. if you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (that's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. i like my pets a lot better than i like most people.

4. to you, it's an animal. to me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

 

remember: dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

 

1. eat less

2. don't ask for money all the time

3. are easier to train

4. usually come when called

5. never drive your car

6. don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. don't smoke or drink

8. don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions

9. don't wear your clothes

10. don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and

11. if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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That is priceless............and something with which I'm sure ALL of us who are owned by cats and dogs can relate!!:lol2:

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I have to show my husband this. He hates having pets.

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That's so great and so much of it applies to my felines; esp having a king sized bed where we're on both edges of the bed and the cats are stretched out to capacity. Also with the bathroom--priceless!!! Thx for posting it. :lol2:

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oh, too funny! We have 2 small dogs and a king sized bed, and it constantly amazes me how much space a tiny 6-pound chihuahua can take up, all stretched out in between us! The bigger dog (all 13 pounds of him) takes up very little space, as he generally wedges himself next to me (or under me) to make himself as small and contained as he can. Strange little beasties.

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Love this!! I can totally relate to it all. I've already emailed it to my DD who is presently living with 7 cats. Most love to sleep on the bed- queen sized I might add. Once in awhile she'll wake up with a cat snuggled in on either side of her and one cozy on top of the covers, between her legs, pinning her in place. Today, her smartest cat opened a closed silverware drawer to stand in it and sniff around. We don't think we want to know how he did it!

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Absolutely loved it. Sooo true - all of it.

My bathroom door slides and if I don't lock it, the cat will put his paw under the door and somehow manage to slide the door open. Thank goodness he has not shown this to the dogs.

Also love the reason our couches and chairs etc. are called 'fur'niture. My dh, who is not an animal lover, sometimes will pull up a dining room chair to sit on to watch T.V., to avoid the possibility of getting doggie hairs on his clothes. From the way he carries on, you'd think they were gonna kill him. LOL

Thanks for sharing, Dianah :)

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Very cute! I am sending it to my parents (7 cats) and my sister (4 cats). We grew up with 2 big dogs so I'm sure both of them will relate to both the canine and feline characteristics.

I love animals (cats especially)! I can't wait until I'm done with nursing school - I think then I need to get my 2 cats a dog. :)

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Laughed out loud about the staircase not being designed by NASCAR! Twister-cat has never missed an opportunity to trip me at the top or beat me to the bottom.

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It took me 5 minutes to quit laughing and get the tears out of my eyes to even respond.

Dianah, That was tooooo funny, it is my house to a T.

I think I am going to make that sign and hang it on my front door.

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