Jump to content
squeakfish squeakfish (New Member) New Member

Dating someone with *mild* schizophrenia?

Relations   (15,625 Views 15 Comments)
977 Visitors; 1 Post
If you find this topic helpful leave a comment.
advertisement

You are reading page 2 of Dating someone with *mild* schizophrenia?. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

Then, there's a viewpoint from another side: the parent of the grown child who's in a relationship with a "mentally ill" person.

I don't know if the OP still has one or both of her parents, let alone what they think about her situation. But here goes.........even though this story has a little twist: both partners have psychiatric issues.

My 24-year-old son, who is bipolar AND has been diagnosed with traumatic brain injury (sustained during his service in Iraq), is in a serious relationship for the first time in his adult life, and it's looking more and more like we'll be hearing wedding bells soon. Unfortunately, he has fierce mood swings that make mine look tame, and he is not medicated as yet nor has he seen a psychiatrist or therapist since his diagnosis last summer. His girlfriend is 27, has two little girls, is smart, organized, and wise beyond her years. She just happens to suffer from severe depression, PTSD, anxiety, and BPD, although these illnesses are very well controlled and she sees her therapist and psychiatrist regularly.

Now, just wading through what is known and figuring out which of them is worse off (she has more wrong with her brain, but his condition isn't managed) is one thing; it's much more complicated to assess whether the relationship can work with a half-dozen mental health diagnoses between the two of them. It seems to me that there would be an enormous potential for things to go terribly wrong. Not that things don't go wrong with so-called 'normal' couples (ye gawds, I hate that term), but it seems that the chances of it would be so much higher with a couple like my son and his girlfriend. Either of them could decompensate at any time; for that matter, BOTH of them could decompensate at any time. And dear Lord, what if they were to have children together??

Granted, it's not my place to decide whether these two full-grown adults should or should not have a relationship. But I have to admit, it was so much simpler with my other three kids---even my gay son, who's engaged to become life partners with his man this spring. None of them has any psychiatric issues, and they chose partners who also are free of such problems. Their children are healthy as well, at least as far as we know. I know I've said before that if I'd known what was wrong with me when I was young, I probably would never have married, let alone had children. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to have to live with my moods, and I certainly wouldn't have chosen to pass on my crummy genes to a new generation.:no: (Although I'm glad life worked out the way it did!)

So, there's a lot to contemplate when one enters into a relationship with a person who is "mentally interesting". Again, I urge the OP to be extremely cautious in taking hers to the next level, even though people with psych issues need and deserve love as much as anyone else.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry, but in my experience, he will be the one to leave you. I had a boyfriend who had been diagnosed with schizophrenia and depression and he suspected he had BPD too... He told me about it when we started seeing each other. I stayed, thinking that if we got married, the marriage wow (in health and sickness) covers such situations anyway and because I knew he didn't choose to be ill. But...he started projecting things on me. He accused me of many things, most of them were what he did (like having problems with his mother, lack of confidence - why is it a big deal anyway? ) and some that his mother and siblings had done (thinking he was crazy in a pejorative way). He knew he was projecting, in his "sane" moments, but many times just went cold from one moment to the next and didn't tell me why, until much later and those things were projections too, but I couldn't defend myself and he resented me for things I didn't do. Then left me. Oh, and I forgot to mention... He wanted full support from me, which he got. He was aware of that. But when I had problem in my life (at work) he said he wouldn't give me moral support... Yes, you read well. He would not stand by me. He would not reciprocate. Would you live with someone like that? Problems occur in life, no matter how lucky you are. You lose parents, argue with boss, etc... You need someone who holds your hand as you hold his.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sorry, but in my experience, he will be the one to leave you. I had a boyfriend who had been diagnosed with schizophrenia and depression and he suspected he had BPD too... He told me about it when we started seeing each other. I stayed, thinking that if we got married, the marriage wow (in health and sickness) covers such situations anyway and because I knew he didn't choose to be ill. But...he started projecting things on me. He accused me of many things, most of them were what he did (like having problems with his mother, lack of confidence - why is it a big deal anyway? ) and some that his mother and siblings had done (thinking he was crazy in a pejorative way). He knew he was projecting, in his "sane" moments, but many times just went cold from one moment to the next and didn't tell me why, until much later and those things were projections too, but I couldn't defend myself and he resented me for things I didn't do. Then left me. Oh, and I forgot to mention... He wanted full support from me, which he got. He was aware of that. But when I had problem in my life (at work) he said he wouldn't give me moral support... Yes, you read well. He would not stand by me. He would not reciprocate. Would you live with someone like that? Problems occur in life, no matter how lucky you are. You lose parents, argue with boss, etc... You need someone who holds your hand as you hold his.

This thread is 5 years old.

I'm sorry about your loss, I hope you have someone now to hold your hand.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
×