New nursing student with marital issues...need help!!

  1. Hello!!
    I recently decided to take the plunge and go to nursing school. I have been married for almost 10 years and we have 2 children. We have had a strained marriage for a while, mainly because my husband smoked pot and I don't. He did have this habit long before we got married, with the promise that he would stop and things would get better. As you can see, 15 years later, I am still dealing with this issue. I have always worked, so it's been hard to pursue my dream of becoming a nurse, but here I am through all the hurdles, a nursing student.
    Weeks after getting my acceptance letter, he decided to take a position at his company, without consulting with me first, that moved us several hours away from my school, so I am commuting 2 hours for class.
    My kids are devastated because they've been ripped from life as they know it and are having to restart life in a new town, at a new school and try to make new friends. It's just been hard on us all.
    I have been wanting to leave my marriage for a while now, mainly because of the lack of intimacy and connection because of his pot habit. It consumes him and I am left to take the backseat to his habit at all times. It just becomes depressing and overwhelming for the non smoker in the relationship.
    With this move, I was forced to quit my dream job because I would no longer be able to commit to hours being so far away. I understood this, but have a lot of regrets at this time because I really want to leave my marriage and focus on raising my girls and nursing school, but I don't know how to manage studying, the stress of school, parenting, maintaining my kids' school life and socialization, being a single parent, and also trying to provide and take care of a household.
    This may seem trivial to some because it's done all the time, but it has never been my life and I don't know how to cope with it all.
    Just looking for advice on how getting a divorce or separation affected you in nursing school and hiow you were able to keep going through it all as well as have a suitable home for your kids without a spouse or mate helping you.
    Thanks
  2. Visit Pinknurse33 profile page

    About Pinknurse33

    Joined: Sep '18; Posts: 1

    3 Comments

  3. by   Leader25
    Quote from Pinknurse33
    Hello!!
    I recently decided to take the plunge and go to nursing school. I have been married for almost 10 years and we have 2 children. We have had a strained marriage for a while, mainly because my husband smoked pot and I don't. He did have this habit long before we got married, with the promise that he would stop and things would get better. As you can see, 15 years later, I am still dealing with this issue. I have always worked, so it's been hard to pursue my dream of becoming a nurse, but here I am through all the hurdles, a nursing student.
    Weeks after getting my acceptance letter, he decided to take a position at his company, without consulting with me first, that moved us several hours away from my school, so I am commuting 2 hours for class.
    My kids are devastated because they've been ripped from life as they know it and are having to restart life in a new town, at a new school and try to make new friends. It's just been hard on us all.
    I have been wanting to leave my marriage for a while now, mainly because of the lack of intimacy and connection because of his pot habit. It consumes him and I am left to take the backseat to his habit at all times. It just becomes depressing and overwhelming for the non smoker in the relationship.
    With this move, I was forced to quit my dream job because I would no longer be able to commit to hours being so far away. I understood this, but have a lot of regrets at this time because I really want to leave my marriage and focus on raising my girls and nursing school, but I don't know how to manage studying, the stress of school, parenting, maintaining my kids' school life and socialization, being a single parent, and also trying to provide and take care of a household.
    This may seem trivial to some because it's done all the time, but it has never been my life and I don't know how to cope with it all.
    Just looking for advice on how getting a divorce or separation affected you in nursing school and hiow you were able to keep going through it all as well as have a suitable home for your kids without a spouse or mate helping you.
    Thanks
    You say it has never been your life but in reality it has been bad for 15 years.

    I do not understand why you moved with him.Is his income more than yours?
    I knew several students that separated,divorced during that time.
    The ones that fared better had alot of family support in babysitting,money,companionship.
    I would recommend something I listened to the other day,a motivational speaker who changed her life around completely.She walked the walk.Look up U tube for her story, Lisa Nichols...inspiring, wish you the best.
  4. by   Ms Petite 93
    Listen to me. You can definitely do this. Yes you will go through hurdles but that's life. Just overcome those hurdles, work hard, and you will reap the awards for you and your children in the end. I'm sorry your marriage did not pan out the way you wanted. Now it's time to create a new life with you and your kids. How about coparenting? Can he take the kids sometimes ? Any family that can help? Maybe a best friend ?? It's possible ...it's hard ....but there's options and it's possible. Blessings ❤️
  5. by   Neo Soldier
    Could you put off the separation until after nursing school? The reason I say this is because nursing school is stressful and making another change will be added stress. Also, since your kids are adjusting to this new life, a divorce may affect them too. You quit your job which I'm sure was not the easiest thing; will you have to drop out and get a job in the case you get divorced? This may sound harsh but I think you should finish school before you make any major life change.

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