let's talk about sex for a moment...

  1. OK, we are all consenting adults here, if you find this topic overwhelming, exit now :-)

    As nurses, we know that a healthy and happy sex life is an indicator of many things- emotional state, circulation, stress, etc.

    Well being a nurse is killing my sex life. I need some advice.

    I go to bed early(ish) the night before work, sometimes 10pm. I get up early , 515am. If hubbs and i have a morning session, I'm praying I will still clock in on time.

    I am on my feet for the majority of the day, sweaty, may still smell like a combo of antimicrobial wipes and a colostomy, have seen gnarly sacral wounds or penises with catheters coming out of them, may have sat with the family of an actively dying pt......etc you get the deal.

    I have had the exact opposite sort of day that would get anyone in the mood. I'm emotionally and physically tired!

    If I have work again in the am, my husband doesnt even try anymore lol if I don't, I am usually coming off of 3 days straight and cant look at a naked body without assessing it.

    Urgh. I'm only 7 months into being an rn and married 2 years. I need suggestions! Thanks in advance!
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    About SNB1014

    Joined: Apr '10; Posts: 297; Likes: 480
    from US
    Specialty: 4 year(s) of experience


  3. by   whealer
    I used to blog for a Sex Educator, so I might be able to help

    What are your days off like, OP? Do you guys have more time together then? What was your sex life like before being a nurse?
    I know I have more questions than answers so let me settle that!

    You and your husband can and should find intimate moments when you can. It may not lead to sex (which can be okay given your schedule); but, it can be foreplay - whether it's a shower together, him giving you a back rub after a long day, etc. I can completely understand being too tired for sex, so try and find other things to do that are brief but encourage intimacy and relaxation.

    Make sure you have sexy stuff in your wardrobe too. It may not lead to sex; but you want to keep that sexual intimacy alive and visual cues are essential!

    Use the days off to bring sex back into the relationship. Get out of the house and maybe spend a weekend at a hotel or cabin in the woods. Removing yourself from your daily surroundings may help to shake off that nurse mentality.

    Maybe a vacation is in order... have you started planning that yet? If you can't help but get into nurse mode when you see him naked, you may need to take a break. He's your lover, not a patient
  4. by   mclennan
    I learned the hard way. 7 years ago my marriage fell apart a year after I graduated. I am now in a good, committed relationship and trying to avoid the mistakes I made back then.

    Listen to me when I say, YOU MUST schedule time for intimacy. Note that I did not say 'sex,' necessarily, but INTIMACY. The scope of intimacy might or might not include actual intercourse. It can mean a dinner date, a gym workout together, movies & cuddling, a walk & talk holding hands or a few hours of straight-up sweaty naked time.

    We are busy people these days, and you schedule everything else that's important, right? Then schedule this in, too. No exceptions and no distractions. Turn off phones & iPads & just get down to digging each other & hanging out.

    Sexual fulfillment is a human need for most, right up there with eating and sleeping. Do NOT underestimate or neglect it. I really wish someone had told me that when I was young and dumb. Don't start to understand the concept of balance in life so late in the game.
  5. by   JustBeachyNurse
    Moved to allnurses breakroom. The same credentials used to log into the 'yellow ' side can be used to log in & post on the 'blue' side
  6. by   TopazLover
    I agree with PP. most marriages need more intimacy. Sometimes this leads to sex, other times it leads to other activities. When you are in the middle of a 3 day run of 12+ hr shifts you can't feel sexy. You still need intimate times. Some of the best non-sex sex is holding hands for a few moments for no reason except you like to be together.

    OP, you say your husband does not even try. Not sure if that was said with a sigh or a cheer. When you are out of bed and have a few moments - talk about it with him. Either congratulate him for his wisdom in understanding your need to sleep or discuss how much you appreciate him being there sexy and wanting when you are not working. Being a nurse is like doing a few days in a row in a sweat shop. Your need for cleanliness and rest make all other needs secondary. Remind yourself and him that it is a job and show him a new sexy thing you got with your earned money. There are other things besides paying bills that are important.
  7. by   tntrn
    If it were me and if my shifts were 12 hours minimum ay a time, I would be in the same boat. Twelve hours at work leaves little time for anything else.
  8. by   nurseprnRN
    Funny story (we're all adults here).... A friend had a similar problem and one day got called off her evening shift unexpectedly. She ran home, showered, put on a sexy shorty negligee (and nothing else) and prepared a, ummm, yummy-looking tableau for him to see as he opened the door after work. Think candles, dining room table, and definitely X-rated... She heard the car in the driveway and hopped up on the table ...

    Well, of course that was the day that he brought home a buddy from work to have a few beers and watch the game on TV.
  9. by   StNeotser
    I suppose I don't have the problem as I have a boyfriend that doesn't live with me. Therefore I never have the opportunity to uh, you know, on the days I work.

    I agree, though nursing has a sexy image, I always counter that it must top the list for libido killing jobs.

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