Am I Mean? - page 2
So, I know generally we don't use this forum for relationship advice...but since this is a forum with nurses ...I know you guys would understand more of where I'm coming from. I've been in a... Read More
Sep 29Joined: May '15; Posts: 515; Likes: 1,718I make more money than my husband by about $8-10/hr. Quite frankly never once did I even think I would NOT marry him because of his job and money. When I married him he was here on a student visa, broke as hell. But we loved each other and I knew that's all that mattered. But that's just me. You have to do what makes you happy. We've been married 6 years and have a 3 year old son. He's a great dad and husband.
Oct 2From: PA, US ; Joined: Aug '17; Posts: 1,587; Likes: 4,858No you are not mean at all. You have a right to want to be married to a partner who is an equal contributor in all ways including financially. Getting your GED involves some dedication to studying so he should do that and pursue a career that helps pay the bills
Oct 25Joined: Feb '11; Posts: 622; Likes: 749Sometimes men hook up with nurses because they know about their earning potential,you have to decide what you want for your future.There is no fun in loving no matter how romantic and sweet when life and reality enters the picture.Financial problems,poor credit,do not make for a stable romantic life.When you are young it is easily overlooked until you find your children going hungry,without medical care, no rent money.I remember a nephew who told us he married this girl because they both wanted the same thing...to get ahead, be successful.He was not rich,her family had more,but he had a vision,and has made his and her dreams come true.They have spiritual and material wealth. So think about it,how do you want to live your future?
Oct 28Joined: Oct '03; Posts: 354; Likes: 929It might be mean to tell a guy that you're unsure of how your parents might feel dating someone who doesn't make as much as you or doesn't have his GED. But also, sometimes people need a fire lit under their ass to get things done.
The argument isn't really about money at all. It's about goals and what you'd want if you took the relationship to the next level. You think this guy can do better and you want the best for him and for your relationship. You've already alluded to this: the guy is in his 30s and doesn't have his GED. What does that say to you about him? If it takes this much for a guy to push through getting his GED, does your crystal ball put up red flags for the future? Is the little voice in the back of your head whispering in your ear? A hard knock life is a very troublesome thing to overcome, but eventually you either do or you don't.
What does he want? Is he comfortable with having a secure job a house and a car? Does he want more?
Love is grand, but it doesn't always hold a relationship together. Say he gets his GED and you move in together, and he's comfortable with where he is. Will you then be bothered if he doesn't want to continue with a traditional or vocational education? What are his goals? What does he want to be when he grows up? What are your goals? He may already be leaps and bounds above where he came from by owning a house and a car.
Are you comfortable with that or do you feel like this guy has settled? It may not really bother you now, but in a few years you might start to really resent it. And you have a perfectly valid concern- if he doesn't get his GED then he wont have anything to fall back on if he's fired or layed off. There aren't that many jobs available these days for those without at least a GED, and probably fewer in the future.
Oct 28Joined: Oct '17; Posts: 123; Likes: 207If you were to switch places with him in your post, then what would you think?
For example, what if he was well-off and his mother said "Hell no, don't marry her she's dirt-poor and not at your level."
Would you think that scenario was mean?
Nov 1Occupation: RN Clinician-United Biosource Specialty: 30 year(s) of experience in Pediatrics, Geriatrics, Call Center RN ; From: KS, US ; Joined: Feb '03; Posts: 1,239; Likes: 17If you are in a relationship you are in it with the person. You can not try and change him. Helping improve if you want him to improve and he wants to is good. But there are going to be times that are tough. I have been married over 20 years. There have been many times we live just on my salary because he has lost his job for whatever reason. You have to decide do you love him enough to get through that stuff or not. It's tough. But life long commitment is not easy. Or there would be no such thing as divorce right?