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SDANG SDANG (Member)

Christmas blues

Lounge   (299 Views 4 Comments)
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So if my man-friend decides to spend Christmas with a buddy and then alone (instead of with me), how should I react? I thought he said he was on his way home yesterday (day of Christmas Eve) after spending the last couple days with his buddy, then he never showed up. I was really, really, really hurt. If he hadn't said he was on his way back here (raising my expectations and hope), I might have been okay with it. I had accepted (sort of) that he wanted to spend it with a friend coming home from Japan.  He used to want to really be in my life, now he's half in and half out. I often get sad, then mad, and I'm really, really hurt now. The holidays are always so hard for us singles anyway....and he told me he'd "rather be alone". So he slept in his truck last night and then his paycheck posted in the morning and he is currently in a hotel. I don't get it. Am I that awful???? He'd rather BE ALONE?

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Thank you so much for saying that!!

The problem is, it seems to be a "pattern" for me, these men who do this to me.

It must be related to something I am doing, or how I just am, or something, otherwise, it wouldn't be a pattern right?

How do I keep a guy? I'm wondering what I'm doing wrong??

I'm 49, never been married. I've lived with this man for 4 years. We've been intimate, he used to act like he wanted to be with me, but I was unsure at this beginning. (Maybe that's why, at first I was unsure??)  I pay for most everything. He is finally getting a paycheck through his family (someone died and now he gets monthly pay through them). I'm not sure he'll even pay what is due this month, and I'm always scrambling to pay for everything as a single woman. (I just bought a house last year).

I always wanted to have kids, it was my dream, and I've been told that its WAY past my time. It's a MYTH and VERY RARE that a woman over 45 can be successful with IVF or anything else (natural, etc)

Anyway, back to my man situation. I've asked him to move out, and I've done so many times. It may take me going to court to get him to move out. In California, you CANNOT just kick someone out. They have rights, even if they don't pay any rent at all. They can legally stay with you, even though it's my house and he's not paying rent...... it would be a whole process to get him out that would take months if he doesn't do it on his own. I hope it doesn't come to that. I really wanted a relationship with him. I'm sad, mad, upset, angry, going back and forth through different emotions. Sometimes he'll agree to move out, and I'll get sad, and he'll even be sad, and he'll end up staying. I just wish he wanted what I wanted. But a friend told me long ago, and she was right, that I have to accept it if he doesn't want to be with me (even if he wanted to at a previous time in our relationship).

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Start the process; don't 'wait and see'. The longer you wait to begin the legalities, the longer you'll have to be wrestling with this leech of a ghost-boyfriend. 

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