Jump to content
digoe74 digoe74 (New Member) New Member

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do... Just a Vent...

Relations   (2,530 Views 14 Comments)
4,729 Visitors; 867 Posts
If you find this topic helpful leave a comment.

My relationship of three years just ended. When I first met my ex-fiance things seemed "magical"! We had been friends for 2 years before starting to date, moved in together pretty quickly and were engaged within the first 6 months of living together. It wasn't long before I got "cold feet" about marriage (I've been married before and was nervous) but we remained "engaged" and living together but with no plans for a wedding anytime soon. Over the holiday weekend something awful happened. I was away for a few days without him and he got himself mixed up a some people that do drugs, I mean HEAVY drugs. He had a history of drug abuse from 10 years prior to me ever meeting him so I, of course KNEW that BUT NEVER in my wildest dreams did I ever think it would resurface. It seemed so out of the blue...

Apparently he was depressed, very depressed and lonely VERY lonely. Before I even returned home his mother went to our apartment and found him there with two complete strangers and they were all high as a kite. I can't believe I didn't see this coming. I can't believe I didn't see that he was SO depressed. No, I'm not blaming myself but am questioning myself. I have been so wrapped up with school (I took a summer class) and my daughter now that school is out for her that I was oblivious as to his state of mind.

He's in a psychiatric hospital now as he is delusional and was exhibiting some mania. Actually, I believe the unit he's on right now is a MICA type unit. He has a current diagnosis of BP disorder as well.

I didn't just end the relationship bc of this incident alone but my feelings had changed quite a bit over the past year. I guess you could call this the icing on the cake. I feel depressed, angry, betrayed and stupid. I'm just venting as I really do not have anyone to discuss this with. The whole incident is embarrassing to me. I've left out a lot of the gory details here but I'm sure you could imagine what three people would do to an apartment over a four day period of getting high... :crying2:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, digoe! I AM so SORRY!!!! PLEASE KNOW U WILL BE IN MY GOOD THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS. Feel free to pm if u'd like!

Been there, done that!!

Anne, RNC

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Sissies...

As strange as it may sound... I WILL miss him and I still love him but... there is NO way that this relationship could ever work, nor would I ever want him around my daughter again. He needs professional help and hopefully he will now get that since he is hospitalized. I'm hoping (for his sake) that he is compliant and goes to a 30 day program once he is stable enough to do so... :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hugs. Addiction is a strange disease. I wonder if he felt the same way, uneasy about the relationship? Going back to drugs was a way he knew to kill the relationship? Just a thought.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
He had a history of drug abuse from 10 years prior to me ever meeting him so I, of course KNEW that BUT NEVER in my wildest dreams did I ever think it would resurface. It seemed so out of the blue...

I didn't just end the relationship bc of this incident alone but my feelings had changed quite a bit over the past year. I guess you could call this the icing on the cake. I feel depressed, angry, betrayed and stupid....

The whole incident is embarrassing to me. I've left out a lot of the gory details here but I'm sure you could imagine what three people would do to an apartment over a four day period of getting high...

I appreciate you for sharing this emotionally upheaving experience with us digoe. I mean that. I reaize the validity of you being able to express yourself and it's good for us to empathize and/or identify. Even though I assume the majority of us have never experienced real contact, I do believe we can feel empathy for each other. And for those of us who have been there done that, we can share.

Something which impresses me about you digoe, is your ability to be something of a real human being, who seems to be true to herself. I appaud your candidness, expressiveness, and perception. You are experiencing appropriate feelings for your situation, and you're attempting to deal with them accordingly.

Okay, here are some truths I've learned about Human Beings:

If any Individual does a certain act just one time, then they have a higher propensity to repeat that act than someone else who has never done it.

The use of mood-altering chemicals is one method of dealing with stress. Unless we learn and utilze a better method, we will go back to using the old method.

Chemical Dependency is a disease. You didn't cause it, and you can't cure it.

The best lessons in life were the hardest to learn.

I could write on and on digoe, but I just wanted to relay to you a little understanding and empathy. Please let me know if there's anything that I can do to help you ease your passage through this experience. You know where to find me.

The very best to you.

Dave

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry you've been going through this. Addiction is a horrible disease that leaves a lot of collateral damage. Please take care of yourself, and get some professional help if things become too much to handle. I'll be thinking of you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wanted to thank everyone who has responded to my post. I really appreciate the kind words right now. Things are very much in disarray in my life at the moment and I'm attempting to pick up the pieces and move forward. It is my no means easy, but as they say "this too shall pass".

Thank you again,

digoe

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I wanted to thank everyone who has responded to my post. I really appreciate the kind words right now. Things are very much in disarray in my life at the moment and I'm attempting to pick up the pieces and move forward. It is my no means easy, but as they say "this too shall pass".

Thank you again,

digoe

I had a hard time of it when I got divorced, and it has turned into a blessing of sorts. While married (wife was a bipolar who refused treatment) I could not make plans for anything, I was constantly on guard for being put down for w/e her mind was on that day, my B/P had to have been sky high, I started smoking cigarettes again.............

Yet, when the divorce came around, I didn't want it. In hindsight, I can not give you a single reason we should have kept trying to make it work, but I wanted to. For the first year, I was kinda lost, and still are on some levels.

On the other hand, I found myself again with other aspects of life. I started talking to family again, I picked up new hobbies/interests that I never would have imagined and I came to realize.............I like coming home knowing I'm not in trouble for some very imaginary/manic episode reason. I'm at peace in my own skin and home again. Who'd have thought it?

I used to make fun of/frown upon people like us who have trouble letting go of a relationship that has run its course. I always proclaimed "People are way too afraid of being single." Now I know, there is a bit more to it than simple "fear" and wanting to "be with someone". Change is never fun, even when it is for the better. But, once the sting of a relationship gone by is over and done, you'll see the silver lining.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

God, i'm really sorry, digoe.

breaking up sucks, plain and simple...it's hard not to feel betrayed and violated.

the bright side - much to be learned through this painful journey.

someday you'll be grateful when you can look behind, and smile at yourself.

and if my mind is serving me correctly (which i seriously have to doubt it;)), i can only imagine what happened over 4 days...

and those images would repel me for life.

come here anytime to vent, share, cry, celebrate.

there's a good group here.:hug:

leslie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It hurts now now but in the end I think you will come to see it as a blessing in disguise.

I am so sorry that you have deal with the heartache. Whatever you do, fight back by taking care of you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know it isn't true

I know it isn't true-

Love is just a lie

Made to make you blue... -Nazareth/Love Hurts

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
×