Jump to content
Pierrette Pierrette (Member)

Bad-Mouthing Your Husband Slowly Kills A Marriage

Relations   (21,327 Views 37 Comments)
10,187 Visitors; 1,507 Posts
If you find this topic helpful leave a comment.

Interesting article.

Bad-Mouthing

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Interesting article.

Bad-Mouthing

Good article, but the opposite is also true. Extolling the virtues of your spouse (male or female) strengthens a marriage. In my opinion.

It will be 14 years for my wife and I this August, and we are still great together. A good marriage is based on love and RESPECT for each other.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, bad-mouthing will slowly kill a marriage. Good article.

The comments after are interesting too. "If the wife works and husband is only playing video games, not doing the yard work, not doing any house work, (presumably not helping with the kids), not talking with the wife, etc. then the reason the marriage is falling apart is the husband. . . . "

I completely agree that the more you complain about the negative things, the bigger those things become.

And respect is vital for men but it is also vital for women.

So, how do you fix the issues then? What about the guy who won't help around the house or with the kids or with the yard and instead sits in front of Xbox (that doesn't break)?

steph

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My first relationship ended because of poor communication. He would rather have complained about me to other people than to my face. It was embarrasing because I found out about my inadequacy from other people.

My second relationship was ruined because of alcoholism. However, once during some good times he dissed my vegetarianism in front of me. In private I took care of that and he was always supportive of me in public, and saved his complaints for pivate communication.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This article is soooo 1950s and 60s. Most of you are to young to remember but women's magazines were full of articles that went like this: "Husband running around with other women? Embezzling from his employer? Beating you? Ignoring or neglecting you or the children? Drinking to excess?... WHAT ARE YOU DOING WRONG???" Got my back up then and still does it now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
This article is soooo 1950s and 60s. Most of you are to young to remember but women's magazines were full of articles that went like this: "Husband running around with other women? Embezzling from his employer? Beating you? Ignoring or neglecting you or the children? Drinking to excess?... WHAT ARE YOU DOING WRONG???" Got my back up then and still does it now.

I think that was the point of the comment I quoted . . . . this guy's behavior is disrespectful to his wife.

The point I take from the article is . . . instead of bad-mouthing him to friends, which just escalates your anger and frustration . . . . . . . . . . you . . . . . .:confused: . . . well, then this article falls short.

Yeah, Layna's husband Josh's Xbox breaks a few months down the road and he magically turns into a respectful husband. :rolleyes: So, that part I think coincides with YOUR comments and got my back up too.

HOW do you continue to respect your spouse (this goes both ways) when they are not respecting you?

One of the best books I ever read about marriage taught me that I could not continue to be a doormat for my husband - because allowing yourself to be used as a doormat does nothing to enhance your husband's respect for you and he will never change his behavior.

But, there is a point to be made here about bashing your spouse behind their back. Something more constructive needs to be done to get this guy's arse off the couch and make this marriage more of a team.

steph

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I think that was the point of the comment I quoted . . . . this guy's behavior is disrespectful to his wife.

The point I take from the article is . . . instead of bad-mouthing him to friends, which just escalates your anger and frustration . . . . . . . . . . you . . . . . .:confused: . . . well, then this article falls short.

Yeah, Layna's husband Josh's Xbox breaks a few months down the road and he magically turns into a respectful husband. :rolleyes: So, that part I think coincides with YOUR comments and got my back up too.

HOW do you continue to respect your spouse (this goes both ways) when they are not respecting you?

One of the best books I ever read about marriage taught me that I could not continue to be a doormat for my husband - because allowing yourself to be used as a doormat does nothing to enhance your husband's respect for you and he will never change his behavior.

But, there is a point to be made here about bashing your spouse behind their back. Something more constructive needs to be done to get this guy's arse off the couch and make this marriage more of a team.

steph

I just recently did a post over on regular allnurses where I talked about bad mouthing in employee on employee situations and what a bad idea it is. I was not specifically targeting any particular gender or group. This article targets women and wives in particular, that is what get me. Now there is a big difference between bad mouthing and confiding in a trusted person about a problem you can't think through yourself. However, if you are going around talking to 5, 10 or more people repeating the same complaints over and over and feeling worse and worse and changing nothing you are bad mouthing.

No one every taught me this I just realized on my own that the more I complained the worse I felt and nothing got solved. So I learned to deal directly with person with whom I had the problem. If it can't be solved I get them out of my life one way or another. By the way, complaining in general about problems with managment, the public or fellow employees on allnurses is different than bad mouthing. It is more of a vent to trusted friends in the same situation as I am with ears open for helpful imput, which frequently I find forth coming. My complaints about management in particular come fast and furious sometimes but no one in particular is being targeted which is one of the requirements of badmouthing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting read and applicable to many situations. Many times I read in the political/news threads about how horrible the POTUS is. It is a dismal spiral. Everyone gets on the bandwagon and often turns into a generalized B session. We see it with the talking heads. We see it when co-workers start on one another, usually one becomes the scape goat.

Communication is the hardest thing I know to accomplish. It is always easier to dis someone not there than confront them about things. It is also a huge set up for failure and heaps of anger.

I had a great marriage. My husband was not perfect but no one ever knew the issues he and I discussed privately. To everyone else he was presented in a positive light. He loved me totally to the end of his days and I, him. I think if I had spent my time bad mouthing him that love might not have survived as strong. Confrontation is difficult, complaining is easy. Chose your weapon wisely. It can be lethal in many situations.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This issue is as simple as the Golden Rule. Whether one is discussing a spouse, child, co-worker or employee, it should not be all that difficult to remember that the right thing to do is to speak directly and privately to one with whom we disagree. Praise in public and criticize in private.

I was only 22 when I got married. In retrospect, very young and not terribly wise or experienced. But from the get-go, I made a pact with myself that I would never diss Hubby to anyone else, no matter how mad or upset I was. I had witnessed friends behaving (and speaking) badly regarding boyfriends and saw all-too-often the destructive nature of it. I had a roomate who would come home and bash her boyfriend for hours, leaving me and the others with a bad impression of him, and then she would hop into the sack with him the next day, while we were left to wonder. I had co-workers who would talk all day about how rotten their spouses were, and even witnessed one who dragged her kids into it on a regular basis. I was not wise or experienced, but realized just how destructive all that was.

So, you youngins' out there. Please never bad-mouth your spouse to anyone. Not Mom, sisters, friends, coworkers, not even your hairdresser. If you have a REAL problem like financial issues, abuse or adultery, talk to a professional. If you have a minor problem, work it out with HIM. It's the right thing to do :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I had co-workers who would talk all day about how rotten their spouses were, and even witnessed one who dragged her kids into it on a regular basis.

I've seen and heard the same things, which was why I started this thread.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with Jolie and aky and Pier . . . I'm just saying that the article left a big gap . . . . how did Layna's decision to stop "bad-mouthing" her husband cause Josh's X-box to break? :coollook:

steph:D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
×