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Moogie Moogie (New Member) New Member

Anyone else have relationship issues while going to nursing school?

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As much as I love my DH, I am ready to smack him upside the head. He says he is supportive of my going back to school---in fact, he agreed that I should not work outside the home during this time so that I can devote more time to my studies and graduate more quickly. The thing is, he's not a health care professional and doesn't seem to understand that a nursing program---at any educational level---is like an ordinary program on steroids. He has a graduate degree (Master's of Divinity) but doesn't seem "get" that a MSN is a totally different animal.

For example, this afternoon----we had an errand to run that would take about an hour. I was going to go with him but decided not to because, well, it wasn't necessary for me to go and I also wanted to budget my time so I could have an extra hour to relax this evening, watch a little TV and unwind because I have to get up early for class tomorrow. He couldn't seem to get it through his skull that I could not go on the errand AND still have time to watch some TV tonight. It was one or the other and he just couldn't comprehend it. I have class tomorrow on campus, which is about an hour's drive away. I am doing group projects in all three of my online courses and need to catch up on my reading. I am trying hard to keep good boundaries so I am not overstressed but he doesn't seem to understand why I can't just go out for dinner or sit on the couch, eat popcorn and watch movies.

I've asked him to please help with the housework because I can't keep up with it all right now. So of course I ended up loading the dishwasher, taking out the trash, clearing away some of my hobby supplies for which I won't have time until I graduate. And I had to fill up my own gas tank, even though he had the car all day. It's like, honey, can't you THINK about these things and just DO them? Sure, it only took a few minutes to get gas. Not a big deal. But DH was at the gas station twice earlier today, once to get his favorite coffee and once to pick up the newspaper. Um, the gas tank was EMPTY. DUH!

It also really bothers me that he tells people we know that I'm already in a PhD program when I'm still only doing my MSN. I mean, I'm applying to a BSN to PhD track and will transfer if I get in but if I don't, I'm planning on finishing the master's first and then going back to finish the PhD. But I feel hurt---it's like he isn't proud enough of me going back for my MSN and then if I don't get into the PhD track, I'm going to feel pretty stupid around those acquaintances if they ask how school's going. "Oh, I thought you were going for your doctorate....." AWKWARD!

Not wanting any advice here, just needed an opportunity to vent. I love my DH and am glad I married him although right now I could cheerfully kick him into the next county or two. Would appreciate other folks who might like to commiserate and, yeah, a hug or two from some of my buds here on AN.

Thanks.

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A flower from an AN bud, since there's no hug smiley anymore :flwrhrts:

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"It's me again, Margaret....." er..... Moogie. heh heh heh heh. :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

I started lurking on AN a few years ago when my niece and a friend were in nursing school. (Different schools and different degress; one an ADN and one a BSN). When I heard them talking about how hard it was my first inclination was, "come on, it can't be THAT hard". (I have a professional degree and had to sit for an 8 hour exam to get my license, so I thought I had an idea what they were going through.) Fortunately, before I said anything stupid, (like "it can't be THAT hard") I realized I didn't have a clue.

Besides lurking on and AN reading the student threads, I also heard of what was required in a typical syllabus. The reading was insane!

Oops! Why am I telling you this? You already know how hard it is!

Anyway, maybe you can try this. Have him review your syllabus so he has some clue of the reading required. Then, maybe you can one time innocently hand him one of your text books and ask, "what do you think the author is trying to say in this section?" Or when you write your first paper, have him proofread it. Don't let him weasel out.... tell him, "you just want him to read it to look for grammatical errors." (I learned more than I ever wanted to know about pulse oximeters this way; which incidentally are really pretty cool how they work.) And when you ask him to help you, make sure it's when he's right in the middle of a favorite TV show; or doing something else he enjoys. (I'm so evil. :devil: )

Make him help you; or at least try to help you so he can begin to have a clue. Incidentally, the DW has gone back to school to get her undergraduate degree that was interrupted for my career. She was about to have a meltdown as she was trying to write a critical thinking paper. I skimmed over the reading material and helped her come up with an outline. Once she had that, she could move forward. (I think a lot of what helped her was knowing she wasn't doing it by herself; and that I was there beside her.)

A hug?? Jeez Louise; I already gave you a hug in that other thread today! Ohh.... All right, you talked me into it (I'm so easy...... ;). ) ((((hugs))))

I can't find the "hug" icon so I had to give you one the old fashioned way. :D

I'm sure you're going to do fine. I can tell by your posts that writing is second nature for you. I wonder how you do talking? (That's my strong suit. :lol2: )

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A flower from an AN bud, since there's no hug smiley anymore :flwrhrts:

A "flower" from a "bud"..... :lol2: I get it!!

Oh, Elvish; you're so puckish. :D

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Ha! You are so 'blooming' funny, big K...the pun hadn't even crossed my mind.

Puckish, that's a good one :D

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When I was going through school, at 38, my mom lived with us and my husband deserves sainthood for putting up with that. :saint:

I like kohohe's ideas . ... . .. but have you discussed this with your husband, using the examples you gave us?

The PhD vs. Masters seems a pretty easy thing to clear up.

My husband loves it when I go with him for a drive - and I can't bring a book either. It is time for us to talk - a surprising thing when you consider the stereotype of men is they don't like to communicate by talking. ;) To me it seemed a waste of time as I could be doing other things that I thought were more important. But it ended up being a great way to "get away" and relax and look at the beautiful things we are surrounded with . . .as he invariably ended up on logging roads. :)

I cut out tv all together when I was in school - in fact I don't watch much of it now. Of course, I think now I'm on the computer too much. :sofahider

It was hard all the way around, to go back to school with young kids, a chain-smoking crazy mom and a husband who was gone a lot.

The only thing I can really advise is that you need to talk with your husband about this - not in an accusatory manner but maybe take him someplace he loves to go and then simply discuss. "How can WE make this better?". Do it in a playful way . . . sing him a Ray Stevens song! ;);)

There is really no way he will completely understand what you are going through - but he can make adjustments regardless. And so can you.

I've been a nurse since 1998 and my dh is just now realizing what I do - he has been on a couple of my hospice calls (we donate firewood to some of our patients) and he walks out amazed.

(((((Moogie)))):heartbeat

steph

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i think it would be reasonable to reserve a slot of time ea day, devoted to hubby...

whether it is an hour or whatever you decide, i do believe it would go far in abating his insecurities and resultant expectations.

let's face it: there is much we sacrifice (as a family unit) when aspiring towards a goal, and it is critical that all are on the same page.

ftr, i always feel guilty when hubby wants to be with me and the feelings aren't reciprocal.

but most times, i do make a point for us to be alone and together...

and it makes the world of difference in attitude.

make a plan now, moog.

your journey is just beginning, and you need to nip this right now.

heck, write a schedule and put it on the fridge, so hubby knows when you'll be doing what.

however you choose to go forth, please do so with love and consideration (no matter how much you want to give that dopeslap!;)).

(((hugs))), noogies and a firm 'chin up'.

you can do this.:redbeathe

leslie

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"It's me again, Margaret....." er..... Moogie. heh heh heh heh. :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

I started lurking on AN a few years ago when my niece and a friend were in nursing school. (Different schools and different degress; one an ADN and one a BSN). When I heard them talking about how hard it was my first inclination was, "come on, it can't be THAT hard". (I have a professional degree and had to sit for an 8 hour exam to get my license, so I thought I had an idea what they were going through.) Fortunately, before I said anything stupid, (like "it can't be THAT hard") I realized I didn't have a clue.

Besides lurking on and AN reading the student threads, I also heard of what was required in a typical syllabus. The reading was insane!

Oops! Why am I telling you this? You already know how hard it is!

Anyway, maybe you can try this. Have him review your syllabus so he has some clue of the reading required. Then, maybe you can one time innocently hand him one of your text books and ask, "what do you think the author is trying to say in this section?" Or when you write your first paper, have him proofread it. Don't let him weasel out.... tell him, "you just want him to read it to look for grammatical errors." (I learned more than I ever wanted to know about pulse oximeters this way; which incidentally are really pretty cool how they work.) And when you ask him to help you, make sure it's when he's right in the middle of a favorite TV show; or doing something else he enjoys. (I'm so evil. :devil: )

Make him help you; or at least try to help you so he can begin to have a clue. Incidentally, the DW has gone back to school to get her undergraduate degree that was interrupted for my career. She was about to have a meltdown as she was trying to write a critical thinking paper. I skimmed over the reading material and helped her come up with an outline. Once she had that, she could move forward. (I think a lot of what helped her was knowing she wasn't doing it by herself; and that I was there beside her.)

That's a good idea. I have just enough knowledge of theology so that I can make comparisons between nursing and the ministry. He may make a comment about the ministry (or the military) and I can say that it's similar (or not) in nursing.

The proofreading would not fly, however. I used to write professionally and I actually edit other people's work. I also get very anal about my work, though I did have DH look over the powerpoint presentation I did for one of my classes.

A hug?? Jeez Louise; I already gave you a hug in that other thread today! Ohh.... All right, you talked me into it (I'm so easy...... ;). ) ((((hugs))))

I can't find the "hug" icon so I had to give you one the old fashioned way. :D

You ARE easy. It took green M&Ms to get some hugs from the DH. :D

I'm sure you're going to do fine. I can tell by your posts that writing is second nature for you. I wonder how you do talking? (That's my strong suit. :lol2: )

I love to talk. Used to be shy but love, love, love to talk. DH once described himself as shy when we met and he's a talker too.

I should have him dig out some of his books to read. He has a ton of books, some on theology, some on military history, some about social issues and some novels.

He's supposed to go to Guard this weekend but we're getting horrible weather so I hope it's cancelled. I told him as much as I want him OUT of the house this weekend so I can study, I'd rather he be home and safe.

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You ARE easy. It took green M&Ms to get some hugs from the DH. :D

Er..... I hate to burst your bubble but you know that the only improvement of libido from a green M&M would be due to the Placebo Effect. For true results you need to change your color scheme. Think blue....... and I'm not talking M&M's. (They're not nearly as tasty, they're shaped funny, and a they're tad expensive; but they do the trick....... or so I've heard. ;) )

I need to quit stalling and get back to reviewing the DW's critical thinking paper. Hmmm..... so you say you used to edit other's people's work? Nah, you've got homework to do....... :D

Good night!

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You ARE easy. It took green M&Ms to get some hugs from the DH. :D

:D A young whippersnapper female in my women's bible study gave me some of those to use on my dh. . . . . :rolleyes:

steph

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Er..... I hate to burst your bubble but you know that the only improvement of libido from a green M&M would be due to the Placebo Effect. For true results you need to change your color scheme. Think blue....... and I'm not talking M&M's. (They're not nearly as tasty, they're shaped funny, and a they're tad expensive; but they do the trick....... or so I've heard. ;) )

:D A young whippersnapper female in my women's bible study gave me some of those to use on my dh. . . . . :rolleyes:

Last night DH reminded me that I got the giggles when an older male parishioner at one of our churches brought green M & Ms to serve at a dinner and one of the members remarked that she's never seen green M & Ms before and they must've been Easter M & Ms. Apparently I told her that they were from Valentine's Day and I also told her about the, ahem, alleged placebo affect.

What can I say? Parishioner education IS one of the functions of a parish nurse....

Thanks for the laugh. I needed it. DH is at guard camp all weekend so I can spend the whole time working on my assignments. With a break now and then....

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It's very hard to balance family & school & if you do have to work, you add that in there too. When I went through nursing school I had a teenager, husband, worked 25-30 hours a day, plus full time student. I would take a night class when I could just to have more time during the day to study when nobody was home, then that freed up some time when family was home. There were many moments when my family did not understand & I would have to give them a visual of what I was expected to do or have done & then they would sometimes jump in & help me out of curiosity & that would create some family time with things I had to get done.

Just keep thinking, it's only a couple years of your life to create a better way of living for your family in the future. That kept me going, graduated & loving my work. :yeah:

MNTH

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