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Another RN friend files bankruptcy

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This situation got me to thinking about my own future.

My SO has a child from a previous relationship. His ex doesn't go through the courts for child support because the dad (my boyfriend) does contract work off the books.

He gives money every month (I'd never be with someone who won't care for their kids.)

When we get married can she sue me for child support since I will have income?

I couldn't imagine that she could sue EITHER of you for support unless there's a court order in place. And why would she if he is indeed supporting the child? Does he see his child?

Yeah, that was an interesting question. Why does your boyfriend work off the books? He'll be in deep doodoo if the IRS finds out about this.

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Blessed2beMommy- your situation does NOT at all apply in this situation, sorry to see that others in your life give you grief over it.

Now back to the OP's story, I had no idea spouses could be made to pay child support! If the guy lost his job, he should have asked the courts to lessen it a bit while he looked for work. Maybe the threat of jail time after the judge sees he hasn't been looking would have been motivation to get off his duff!

I have a 2 non-nurse friends who have supported losers. One was an ex-con so why should he bother to look for work if he wouldn't get hired anywhere?

The other bankrolled her abusive boyfriend's lifestyle. I'll be d*mned if any man chokes or slaps me under my OWN roof! As soon as he was done he'd be choking and slapping his fellow inmates behind bars. She bought him a car he used to drive other women around in, watched her grocery bill triple because he ate so much but did not want to work. I am happy he is gone from her life only because he found another woman to live with.

Having self-esteem and high self-worth is a great thing, I hope those without it get some soon.

I know of an RN student that was in the process of a divorce from her husband because he discovered naked compromising pictures of his wife on the internet. Once she got her license, he sued for and got child support and their two children. It can happen...

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I know of an RN student that was in the process of a divorce from her husband because he discovered naked compromising pictures of his wife on the internet. Once she got her license, he sued for and got child support and their two children. It can happen...

And nobody would criticize a woman who did the same thing. Good for him!

Edit: Did this affect her ability to get a job or a license? I'm curious.

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if you are married then the income that one earns is considered income for both...

which doesn't mean that the court might not lower the amount of child support while parent is out of work

if both parents have equal income and both maintain a home for children it can be determined for shared cusotyy there may be no child support for either one

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This situation got me to thinking about my own future.

My SO has a child from a previous relationship. His ex doesn't go through the courts for child support because the dad (my boyfriend) does contract work off the books.

He gives money every month (I'd never be with someone who won't care for their kids.)

When we get married can she sue me for child support since I will have income?

She can sue him for not only child support but also BACK child support because he has no proof that he every paid. And the IRS will sue him for back taxes once they figure it out, and since you own things together everything you own will be at risk.

Big red warning flags here, Hon. Insist that he gets his life straightened out before you marry him.

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She can sue him for not only child support but also BACK child support because he has no proof that he every paid. And the IRS will sue him for back taxes once they figure it out, and since you own things together everything you own will be at risk.

Big red warning flags here, Hon. Insist that he gets his life straightened out before you marry him.

Yep, had a friend that went through this. She thought it was wonderful that he and the ex had such a great relationship. No courts, judges, attorneys etc. After they married the ex sued him for back child support (even though he had been making cash payments to her) and turned him to the IRS for hiding $$$ from a contracting firm he owned.Turns out she had hard feelings over the new wife.

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Thanks for the advice everyone. He doesn't work off the books to avoid taxes,he files every year.

His ex has no ill will yet, but as someone mentioned above, that can change any day. I know women who have done that for revenge also. I will tell him to start keeping proof or to draw up some kind of written agreement. I don't want to be responsible for someone else's responsibilities, even if I love them.

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He definitely needs a written agreement. At the very least, he should pay her by check (with "child support" in the memo line) and keep copies of the processed checks.

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A few years ago, a couple in my area got in trouble for paying their child support in cash.

How could that happen?

They got divorced, and the ex-wife was 1 1/2 years short of a college degree. She decided to finish that degree, and in order to do it, she would have to go on welfare. She had considered giving her ex-husband custody during this time, but decided not to because he had a job with very irregular hours. When they found out that her welfare payments would be decreased by the amount she got in child support, he decided to simply give her the money in cash when he picked the kids up for visits.

It didn't take long for the support collection agency to get wind of this, and they told the truth about what they were doing and found themselves facing all kinds of fines and penalties.

I told this story to a woman who I thought would be very sympathetic, and to my shock, she wasn't. She said, "You are defrauding the government when you do things like that."

Interesting.

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People who make child support payments in cash with no receipt or record are asking for trouble. If you are taken to task you have absolutely no proof you paid and can be on the hook for paying it all again and then some. Don't do it.

And many an ex has gotten bitter with their former spouse remarries and goes on to have children with the new wife. Don't let yourself fall into this trap.

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Never think this cant happen to you. With nurses its more common than you think.

That's because we nurses like to be the caregiver, even to men who are losers. We like to try and "fix" them even when we can't. I blame the nurse, not the man. What man wouldn't want a free ride from a woman with a good-paying job? What a joke.

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Women who have children belong at home taking care of those children. Men belong in the field earing a living. I understand that can't always happen, but in an ideal world it should and we should look kindly on women who choose to be home makers.

The downfall of society came when we gave our childen to daycares and women gave up their duties at home. Stay at home mom's have my utmost respect and deserve much praise.

Yes, I am a conservative and damn proud of it. :)

PUKE! I am the adult child of a divorced home. I learned at a very young age to NEVER, NEVER, NEVER count on anyone to take care of me forever. I have been married for 16 wonderful years and still work. Why? What if they found a tumor in his lung and he had to have surgery? What if 7 days after he had a routine knee surgery he had to have emergency appendectomy? What if he got layed off from his job for 10 months? Oh, wait... THAT HAS HAPPENED TO US ALREADY! Thank the good LORD I had a job. If not we would have lost everything more than once. What if my husband was killed? Guess what? I CAN TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY! Yes, he has life insurance but I carry the health insurance.

One last thought. There was only a period of about 30 years in our history where the average woman was able to stay home. AND those women were middle class white women. Ask the African-American women of that generation if they were able to stay home.

I am not slamming your choice. Don't slam mine.

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