Jump to content
Ms Petite 93 Ms Petite 93 (New Member) New Member

Am I Mean?

Relations   (2,123 Views 20 Comments)
4,792 Visitors; 7 Posts
If you find this topic helpful leave a comment.
advertisement

You are reading page 2 of Am I Mean?. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

So, I know generally we don't use this forum for relationship advice...but since this is a forum with nurses ...I know you guys would understand more of where I'm coming from. I've been in a relationship for 1year and a half. I really love this man, I do. However, it's kind of feeling like I'm slowing down for him to catch up. I met him while I was a tech...he currently and is still working as a food server in the hospital. I was attracted to his humor, how nice he was , how he made me feel. I fell in love. Well fast forward I have my nursing degree and I'm making a lot more than I used to as a tech. Also he's restricted on paying for a date half the time so I put my money in to pay for our dinners or when we go out...I'm like well half and half. Another thing is he's struggling to obtain his GED. Dropped out of school because he had a hard knock life ...in his early 30's as well. He has passed everything except the math portion to which he has tried 3 times (and is really close like 2 points away) to passing.

We sometimes get into arguments when I tell him my parents may be hesitant on their little girl dating someone that's not at the same pay level to not carry the weight. Or get into arguments about him feeling like I'm "better" than him and if he made more it wouldn't be like this (sigh no I don't) He's not lazy at all he has his own house and car but it's still a slow process with him. I love him and even stay by his side to make sure he obtains his GED to open doors because I know if I stick with him there will be a better outcome for the both of us to move in together and start our own family. It's just hard. He always tells me he's seen doctors dating housekeeping women and they are fine. I told him love doesn't pay the bills...I need a man who can financially secure me and have an education to fall back on. Idk am I being a witch? Am I being completely ridiculous ?? Mean ?? I've even told him without his GED we can not move in together either....idk looking for some advice to guide .....thanks

To be completely honest with you, you might disregard my comment because of how young I am. Here we go..

As i might not be able to relate to the exact situation I understand where you're coming from.

I'm 19. I have been in a relationship with the same guy since I was 12 ( he was 13). I am very driven (career wise) and i am way more mature than he is. I live by myself, I have a brand new car of the year, excellent credit, have a stable job, and go to school. He on the other hand is kinda just cruising through life, is inclined to a certain career but is indifferent, and doesn't have a job unless its summer (he goes to school full time). This at times can be a little frustrating, understandably. With that being said.. I absolutely love him and would do anything for him. I could give 2 craps if he cant afford to pay for our dates. Our relationship has ALWAYS been 50/50, if he cant pay i'll pay and visa versa. You mentioned you loved him... so my question is, do you truly and deep down LOVE LOVE him or not?. When I think of love i think of two people willing to help raise and better each other no matter the circumstance and loving and supporting them when times are tough. Can you help him with his GED? have you offered to help him? I help my boyfriend with his math and science classes and he helps me a ton with English. Also honestly sorry to say this but if you love someone you shouldn't feel like you're "better" than them. That's just how I feel. with all that being said, I do understand wanting a man to provide for you, but girl you can provide for yourself it sounds like. In the long-run yeah it would suck if you had to provide for you AND him but you said he's a hard worker. You need to sit down and talk to him as to where he sees himself in 5 years, with you and his career plans. Hope this helped a little :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I make more money than my husband by about $8-10/hr. Quite frankly never once did I even think I would NOT marry him because of his job and money. When I married him he was here on a student visa, broke as hell. But we loved each other and I knew that's all that mattered. But that's just me. You have to do what makes you happy. We've been married 6 years and have a 3 year old son. He's a great dad and husband.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No you are not mean at all. You have a right to want to be married to a partner who is an equal contributor in all ways including financially. Getting your GED involves some dedication to studying so he should do that and pursue a career that helps pay the bills

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sometimes men hook up with nurses because they know about their earning potential,you have to decide what you want for your future.There is no fun in loving no matter how romantic and sweet when life and reality enters the picture.Financial problems,poor credit,do not make for a stable romantic life.When you are young it is easily overlooked until you find your children going hungry,without medical care, no rent money.I remember a nephew who told us he married this girl because they both wanted the same thing...to get ahead, be successful.He was not rich,her family had more,but he had a vision,and has made his and her dreams come true.They have spiritual and material wealth. So think about it,how do you want to live your future?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It might be mean to tell a guy that you're unsure of how your parents might feel dating someone who doesn't make as much as you or doesn't have his GED. But also, sometimes people need a fire lit under their ass to get things done.

The argument isn't really about money at all. It's about goals and what you'd want if you took the relationship to the next level. You think this guy can do better and you want the best for him and for your relationship. You've already alluded to this: the guy is in his 30s and doesn't have his GED. What does that say to you about him? If it takes this much for a guy to push through getting his GED, does your crystal ball put up red flags for the future? Is the little voice in the back of your head whispering in your ear? A hard knock life is a very troublesome thing to overcome, but eventually you either do or you don't.

What does he want? Is he comfortable with having a secure job a house and a car? Does he want more?

Love is grand, but it doesn't always hold a relationship together. Say he gets his GED and you move in together, and he's comfortable with where he is. Will you then be bothered if he doesn't want to continue with a traditional or vocational education? What are his goals? What does he want to be when he grows up? What are your goals? He may already be leaps and bounds above where he came from by owning a house and a car.

Are you comfortable with that or do you feel like this guy has settled? It may not really bother you now, but in a few years you might start to really resent it. And you have a perfectly valid concern- if he doesn't get his GED then he wont have anything to fall back on if he's fired or layed off. There aren't that many jobs available these days for those without at least a GED, and probably fewer in the future.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you were to switch places with him in your post, then what would you think?

For example, what if he was well-off and his mother said "Hell no, don't marry her she's dirt-poor and not at your level."

Would you think that scenario was mean?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
advertisement

If you are in a relationship you are in it with the person. You can not try and change him. Helping improve if you want him to improve and he wants to is good. But there are going to be times that are tough. I have been married over 20 years. There have been many times we live just on my salary because he has lost his job for whatever reason. You have to decide do you love him enough to get through that stuff or not. It's tough. But life long commitment is not easy. Or there would be no such thing as divorce right?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, you are not being mean. A GED, although a step in the right direction isn't going to make this guy a 'go-getter.' My husband doesn't even have his GED, but it had nothing to do with his motivation. He was an Elevator Mechanic for 30 years and is now the manager at his local shop. He makes twice as much money as I do and I'm paid well. Folks tend to confuse education with success. Don't get me wrong, it helps. If someone is going to go places in life, there are ways of getting around most everything. My dad didn't graduate HS, but he built the best houses. Before he retired, he built the house he lives in. He built it over time and now he and my step-mom have a nice, paid for home to retire in. A GED isn't going to change a thing for this guy. Wish him well and cut him loose... Best wishes to you too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
×