Pet Rules

  1. i just received this from walkingrock, and thought i'd post it as a thread. enjoy!!


    [font="microsoft sans serif"]pet rules

    (to be posted very low [snout height] on the refrigerator door)

    dear dogs and cats,

    the dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. the other dishes are mine and contain my food. please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do i find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    the stairway was not designed by nascar and is not a racetrack. beating me to the bottom is not the object. tripping me doesn't help because i fall faster than you can run.

    i cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. i am very sorry about this. do not think i will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. i also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    for the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. if by some miracle i beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. i must exit through the same door i entered. also, i have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

    the proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. i cannot stress this enough!


    to pacify you, my dear pets, i have posted the following message on our front door:

    to all non-pet owners who visit & like to complain about our pets
    1. they live here. you don't.
    2. if you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (that's why they call it "fur"niture.)
    3. i like my pets a lot better than i like most people.
    4. to you, it's an animal. to me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.


    remember: dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
    1. eat less
    2. don't ask for money all the time
    3. are easier to train
    4. usually come when called
    5. never drive your car
    6. don't hang out with drug-using friends
    7. don't smoke or drink
    8. don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
    9. don't wear your clothes
    10. don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
    11. if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
    •  
  2. 13 Comments

  3. by   sirI
    [font=microsoft sans serif] tripping me doesn't help because i fall faster than you can run.
    what a hoot, di. too too funny!!


    [font=microsoft sans serif]i also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
    my computer screen now contains remnants of coca cola!!!!!

    thanks for this!!!!!!! and, thank you to, walkingrock, too.
  4. by   VivaLasViejas
    Oh, man..........truer words were never written!! Too bad our pets can't read:uhoh21:

    I especially love the part about the bathroom. I have one cat that becomes a total spazz if he doesn't get to go in with me---he'll sit at the door and howl, scratch like crazy, try to open it with his paws, and generally be a pain in the wazoo. Trouble is, he's an even bigger pain when he's in there...........won't leave one alone to 'do business', he's gotta be on your lap the whole time. Either that, or he jumps into the sink and won't move until the water's turned on (this is a 20-pound cat we're talking about) and shakes water everywhere when you actually do so. He doesn't know or care that his humans are perfectly able to perform their duties in this room without feline assistance!
  5. by   sunnyjohn
    Sounds like me cat, She whines to get in the bathroom then moans to get out.

    The other day I used her as a dust rag to clean up some dust bunnies 'cause she refused to move form a particualrly dusty spot in the bathroom!

    She sits on the edge of the tub when you take a shower and licks the water off the shower curtain. Periodically she will stick her head in the shower while you are lathered up as if to say, "Are you done yet?"

    She LOVES watching the water circle the bowl when you flush... One of these days I am gonna teach her to use it and get rid of her box.

    She's also found of hopping up on the vanity and lovingly examining her reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror.

    I love that cat!
  6. by   walkingrock
  7. by   dianah
    So, our household isn't alone in the "feline companions in the bathroom" category, lol!

    Many's the time I've walked into the BR to find dh on the throne and seven cats congregated around him, wanting to be petted; one's reclining in the sink, waiting for the water to be turned on, and then it becomes a feeding frenzy, of three or four cats trying to lick the small stream of water!

    And when the kittens were little, when I'd find him on the throne, there were three little heads peeking out of his drawers (around his ankles): they'd climbed in when he sat down! (shhhhhh, don't let him know I told!)
  8. by   sirI
    sonnyjohn
    The other day I used her as a dust rag to clean up some dust bunnies 'cause she refused to move form a particualrly dusty spot in the bathroom!
    DI
    there were three little heads peeking out of his drawers (around his ankles):
    Ya'll are killing me. I keep getting strangled laughing so hard at the visuals.
  9. by   donsterRN
    This is great! I especially like the stairs not designed by NASCAR. Seems no matter which direction I'm going, Twister-cat has to give me a good head start then race by me on the side closest to the wall. Then when he gets to the "finish line", he sits and I swear he smirks. If he could speak he'd call me a loser.

    And it's funny reading about your cats in the bathroom. Once (and only once), when I was showering, I had the unnerving sensation of being watched. I'm all lathered up, shampoo all over, can't see a thing, but I know I'm being watched. I finally get to the point of being able to see something, and I look all around, and there, sitting right outside the shower door, is Twister... just staring at me. So, it's not like I'm not already feeling a little vulnerable, but I quickly rinse off and say something along the lines of (and in my best talk-to-the-cat voice) "Are you watching daddy take a shower? Are you? Huh?". The cat, obviously thinking that I should just lick myself clean like he does has the nerve and the audacity to... YAWN!!! Talk about feeling vulnerable!

    He doesn't watch me anymore.
  10. by   sunnyjohn
    Quote from Don3218
    ....
    And it's funny reading about your cats in the bathroom. Once (and only once), when I was showering, I had the unnerving sensation of being watched. I'm all lathered up, shampoo all over, can't see a thing, but I know I'm being watched. I finally get to the point of being able to see something, and I look all around, and there, sitting right outside the shower door, is Twister... just staring at me. So, it's not like I'm not already feeling a little vulnerable, but I quickly rinse off and say something along the lines of (and in my best talk-to-the-cat voice) "Are you watching daddy take a shower? Are you? Huh?". The cat, obviously thinking that I should just lick myself clean like he does has the nerve and the audacity to... YAWN!!! Talk about feeling vulnerable!

    He doesn't watch me anymore.
    ROTFL!

    *dead*
  11. by   compassion1
    Love it!!! And can I relate to all of it! As i sit here, Misty is between me and the 'puter, supervising everything I write. Sometimes she'll even put her paw on the mouse as if to do some computer business. Jassy just lets me alone until I'm done then she'll look for her attention. Donny (not you, Don!) and Bella are the ones that race me to the bathroom. Then the 2 kittens like to sit on the recently occupied seat rollin' their heads around to watch the spinning contents of the toilet as it spins away. One of these days one of them will slip while checking out that spin cycle.
  12. by   sirI
    Don
    The cat, obviously thinking that I should just lick myself clean like he does has the nerve and the audacity to... YAWN!!! Talk about feeling vulnerable!

    He doesn't watch me anymore.

    :roll
  13. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Lol!!!!!!!!!!!
  14. by   gentle
    Quote from mjlrn97
    Oh, man..........truer words were never written!! Too bad our pets can't read:uhoh21:

    I especially love the part about the bathroom. I have one cat that becomes a total spazz if he doesn't get to go in with me---he'll sit at the door and howl, scratch like crazy, try to open it with his paws, and generally be a pain in the wazoo. Trouble is, he's an even bigger pain when he's in there...........won't leave one alone to 'do business', he's gotta be on your lap the whole time. Either that, or he jumps into the sink and won't move until the water's turned on (this is a 20-pound cat we're talking about) and shakes water everywhere when you actually do so. He doesn't know or care that his humans are perfectly able to perform their duties in this room without feline assistance!

    20lb cat? Sounds like you have a mancoon.

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