Hey cat lovers - need your help!

  1. I know there are a lot of cat lovers here (myself included) so I wanted to get some desperately needed advice....Here is my problem: I have lived with cats all my life. My current kitty has been with me for 13 years and I love her (Haley). Now, my fiancee is a very OCD MD who freaks out when Haley is on the bed. Well, this cat has slept with me for 13 years. My man, however, has all of these arguments about how non-hygienic cats are and he is especially apalled when she is on the bed. My kitty is the main source of 95% of our arguments. I try to tell him that cats bathe daily and that their saliva has powerful enzymes, etc., but nothing changes his mind. One of his biggest argument is that she tracks germs from the litter box...I have to admit that one is a hard one to dispute. Another big one is that her anal germs are spread when she sits down because of the anatomy of a cat's rear (also hard to dispute). I'm desperate here! How can I make this man more animal-friendly??? He says that when we get married and live together that he is fine with having animals as long as they are kept outside!!!! Let me tell you...this man is so OCD that he will not even walk around my apt with bare feet - he puts on shoes straight out of the shower. I tell him he is a freak all the time (jokingly of course). What can I do?? I love animals and I cannot imagine a life without them IN my abode.

    ANY advice, or better, hard, scientific evidence that he is wrong, would be greatly appreciated!
  2. 173 Comments

  3. by   suzy253
    Keep the cat....ditch the guy.
  4. by   indigo girl
    Who have you had the longer relationship with?

    Who is giving you an unconditional love?

    NOTHING is going to change his mind or his attitude towards your poor little beastie.
  5. by   muffie
    i've lived with cats most of my 43 years

    lo and behold, i am still alive
  6. by   Soup Turtle
    I don't think evidence will make any difference to this man. You picked the wrong man if having a cat is important to you.

    At 13, she may not have too much time left. Then again, she could live to be 22! You've got to decide what's more important to you. A 13 year old cat will be very hard to find a home for and would have a VERY difficult time being thrown outside for the first time.
  7. by   muffie
    is he on any meds ?

    just a thought
  8. by   elby812
    My micro teacher tells us every class... "you eat feces everyday! Its everywhere!" There are "anal germs" everywhere, not just the cats. Tell him it will just help boost his immune system.
  9. by   Gennaver
    Quote from NurseCherlove
    [... Well, this cat has slept with me for 13 years. My man, however, has all of these arguments about how non-hygienic cats are and he is especially apalled when she is on the bed. ...
    He is having a control issue/manipulation issue, "choose me over the cat because I *must* be the center of your universe iss..."

    The cat wins in my world and if there is a guy that cannot respect the unconditional love and care of an animal, then, he goes, cat stays.

    Simple, no ISSUE there.

    Yet I've learned this the hard way, made the wrong choice once and regret it to this day!!

    Cat stays, jerk goes. edit to add: Maybe take a glance through the book "ditch that jerk" and see some tell tale controling tactics that your "guy" is pulling on you. He is making you ditch your beloved pet, next what will he use as an issue, and then after that?
    Last edit by Gennaver on Apr 28, '07
  10. by   reesern63
    If you give in on this one, just imagine what he'll expect next.
  11. by   GingerSue
    does your cat already go outside sometimes?
    it is safer for a pet to live in the home rather than have to try to survive
    out there (at night) when other animals, cats, raccoons, get into fights, or if there is traffic (injuries) {mine went missing one day - came in every night, finally returned home after about 2 weeks and I could see the scars - looked like an animal got him.
    maybe you have a side porch where the cat could live?
    The cat will return where it finds its food (except sometimes when another cat arrives - sometimes then the cat will leave).
    But outside, cats get fleas {and these are really difficult to get rid of}, and then they bring them indoors. Fleas bite humans and they are dreadful.
    The treatment for fleas is expensive and won't go away if the cat keeps going outside. (I speak from experience)
    Do you have a friend or family member who likes cats and wants to adopt a new one?

    {flea collars, flea powder, flea shampoos for the cat - DO NOT WORK}
    Last edit by GingerSue on Apr 28, '07 : Reason: flea collars, flea powder, flea shampoos for the cat
  12. by   SonicnurseRN
    I am a cat lover (have 2) and I understand ... but if you love your fiance maybe you could compromise and just not have the cat in the bedroom? I love sleeping with my cats, but it drives my husband crazy, with them walking on the bed, not the germs, so he trained them to stay out of bed when he's in it & it's a sacrifice, but that's what loves about right? As long as it is give & take on both ends.
  13. by   kukukajoo
    2 Options:

    1. P R O Z A C

    2. Ditch him!

    ANYONE with issues as you describe needs some medical help and maybe even then won't change. I agree- check out the book!
  14. by   indigo girl
    It is very difficult to live with someone who has no empathy for animals when you do. I have had to make this decision before.

    Almost nixed my current relationship because he did not have any pet hair on his navy blue blazer when I met him! He still mentions this to people we meet today. Turns out he really did love animals. It just would not work otherwise.

    I have been in a relationship with someone who did not relate to my pets.
    It was very, very stressful, and was just a symptom of incompatibility in other things.

    Think carefully about what this is telling you about this person that you are involved with. I really feel for you because you are being forced to choose
    between relationships. No one should have to do that in truly loving union, should they?