Wow.. a harsh dose of reality hit me yesterday...

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    So anyway, a few days ago I "refriended" an old friend on Facebook, a guy that I used to be very close friends with, but we've drifted apart in recent years.

    Anyhoo, last night I finally got around to browsing his timeline, to see what he's been up to lately... and lo and behold, I come to find out that my 38 year old friend is now a GRANDFATHER.

    When I met this guy, we were working together at a convenience store; he had just graduated nursing school; I was just contemplating nursing school. That was 14 years ago. This little girl, the little girl who has just had a baby... she was TWO then. I have watched this girl grow up. I can't believe this little girl is now MARRIED at sixteen, and has a baby. There are some teenagers out there that, I guess you could call "old souls"... but this girl... she's no where NEAR ready to be a wife and a momma.

    Wow... it makes me think of my own daughter, and how fast she is growing up. I want SO much more for her than to be marriend and a mother at such a young age and I pray that the examples that we set for her, the things that we teach her... I pray that she will grow older and make the right decisions. That she will aim high and reach her goals. Finish high school and go on to pursue her goals, whatever they may be. Live life. Experience things. Learn many things.

    I worry about my daughter... she's only about to turn 10, but I can tell certain things about her. She's a pleaser. She's a smart girl, but values hanging with her friends and being social above most anything else. She's a follower. She's a wonderful girl and I love her dearly; she's highly creative and would make a wonderful artist, filmmaker (she LOVES to make videos!), sculptor... she'd be an awesome art teacher. I want SO badly to raise a daughter who will achieve things; who will reach her full potential.

    I certainly realize that it's possible for a young mother to end up achieving any goal that she sets for herself, as WELL as a young girl who is not a mother. I have a friend who is a fantastic, wonderful nurse, wife, mother... named "Nurse Of The Year" at a top notch local hospital a couple of years ago... who became a mother at, I believe, 16?

    I guess you can call this a "blog" post... though I don't have a blog. =) At least not one that anyone's going to read. =) I guess I needed to get these thoughts out.
    Medic2RN, aknottedyarn, sharpeimom, and 2 others like this.
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  3. 9 Comments so far...

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    Youth only happens once. The doors open to the young and unemcumbered, don't stay open forever. The choices you have as a single person are not the same choices that are available to someone first responsible for a child.
    Everything is so much easier when the only person you have to worry about is you. Then the sky is the limit.
    I think the hopes and fears you have for your daughter, are the same as most of us. As the mother of daughters, I understand them completely.
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    Can I ramble along with you - not sure how much of this anyone will care about either but throwing my thoughts in just the same.

    I feel your pain.

    My daughter is 18 and a freshman in college. She has always been a good girl (honor roll, national honor society, blah, blah). Not sure if I did something right or if I just got lucky. She is currently in our hometown private college and living at home (going for healthcare administration). Even tho she got a 1/2 scholarship, the tuition is still killing us financially. She has decided next year she is going to a school in our states capital, which is nearly 3 hours away. This is a state school, the tuition is $15,000 cheaper/year and there really are better intern opportunities there then in our home town.

    The problem...her boyfriend is going too and the plan is they will get an apartment together. (ahhhhh!). Now the only good part about this is I really do like the boyfriend. He is equally as good of a kid as she is, they have been together for more than a year and you can just tell they really do "fit" together unusually well. I wish she would have found this boy when she was 25 and went on to live happily ever after but I hate the thought of her making this committment this young. I also have lectured her that she is NOT to end up pregnant and not finish school. Next summer - I'm going to need anxiety medication just to make it thru the transition.

    I guess my point is - in the end, we really don't get to make the choices for our children. We can only hope we have taught them well and send them on their way. I have decided, if there is that crash & burn moment, I will just stand by quietly and help to pick up the pieces.
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    Quote from Nascar nurse
    I guess my point is - in the end, we really don't get to make the choices for our children. We can only hope we have taught them well and send them on their way. I have decided, if there is that crash & burn moment, I will just stand by quietly and help to pick up the pieces.

    And isn't that almost the worst part of having kids? Their choices, over which you have no control, can cripple you with pain and disappointment.
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    Nascar, You could always just pull out a faux maternity suit (padding) like the father did in 10 Things I Hate About You and make your daughter wear it and tell her that's what can happen if she's not careful. J/K.
    Nascar nurse likes this.
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    I was an OB nurse for almost 36 years. The youngest grandmother I met was 32! And her 16 year old daughter, in labor at term, (mom says she didn't know her daughter was pregnant) was not her oldest child.
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    Oh this is my nightmare! My daughter is a lot younger (shes almost 7) but she is a people pleaser and follower as well. She only has one best friend (a boy) that has been her best friend for 3 years, since pre school. And they have decided that they will get married. She doesnt have the desire to marry justin bieber like 99% of other 6 year olds. Eh...I have heartburn just thinking about her being older.

    "I have decided, if there is that crash & burn moment, I will just stand by quietly and help to pick up the pieces."

    Nascar nurse you sound like a wonderful mother. My mom was there for me when I got pregnant at 18 and again at 19, she helped me pick up the pieces and supported me through college (emotionally, not financially). Went on to get a 4.0 in my general studies and was second from the top in nursing school. I should mention that I was married at 18 (still am, same great guy=) But my older self thinks that it may not have been the best and smartest decision to get pregnant multiple times before my 20's :/ But mom couldnt make those decisions for me because I used to know it all when I was a teenager.
    Nascar nurse likes this.
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    Quote from NurseCard
    Wow... it makes me think of my own daughter, and how fast she is growing up. I want SO much more for her than to be marriend and a mother at such a young age
    I have five children, and so understand the desire for things to happen when they are mature and ready for them, but really, could you be any more negative and denigrating toward marriage and motherhood? You make it sound like some kind of horrible curse.
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    Quote from duskyjewel
    I have five children, and so understand the desire for things to happen when they are mature and ready for them, but really, could you be any more negative and denigrating toward marriage and motherhood? You make it sound like some kind of horrible curse.
    I think she was referring to a girl at the age of 16....and yes, it really is a "horrible curse" to be a wife and mother at 16! It's not to say it can't work, but I'm not sure there are many mothers hoping for their daughters to start out life in that manner. I can honestly say I want SO much more for my daughter as well!
    Medic2RN likes this.
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    Nursecard, I can identify with your thoughts. I also have a 9 year old daughter. The very best I can do is keep an open dialogue with her about choices and consequences. My DD is very intelligent also and thinks about our conversations because later, questions always follow. I want marriage and motherhood for her in the future, but not at such an early age.


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