I am a recovering Opioid Addict of 5 years. I share the disgusting, vile, bottomless, and "I could go on forever and ever" disease he is suffering from. I have 5 years of clean time, and yet some days I still hear the voice say, "You know one wouldn't hurt anybody." or "Ah, now you got a reason, call the doc's office and get a visit ready!" It is horrible, atrocious, and it is terminal.
I have racked my brain to what really "changed" my mind from wanting the next fix, to wanting my life back. It WAS the threat of loosing my family. My wife eventually left while I was clean, and I remained clean (second hardest thing I ever done). Only getting clean was harder. As every person is different, I suppose every addict is different, and responds to different prompts.
I know there is no "Silver Bullet" to this disease. I know you have done EVERYTHING to save him. So, I think about the serenity prayer:
"Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference."
We can only change ourselves. I remind you that Addiction is a disease that infects a family as a whole, not just the addict. Addicts cannot and will not maintain their addiction alone. I hope you would give Al-anon or Narc-anon a shot to better understand what dynamics my be contributing to his disease. I'm not saying you are enabling, or his wife is enabling- but you have been affected by this disease, and you can find YOUR path to wellness and wholeness.
When and If he seeks help, his chances are greatly increased by the people around him being "well." The definition of insanity is "trying the same things over and over and expecting different results.
Addiction is a Chronic Progressive Disease. It gets worse, everyday. It gets worse all the way up until the end: Jail, arrest of the disease from Institutions, or worst- death. It also affect those around them progressively worse.
I am all for anything that "works." If he can be maintained on a Maintenance Therapy- thats great. Those Medications are built to be fail proof, you can't get "High" on them, and you can't get abuse them to any real success. They block other Narcotics. I wouldn't rule out the Suboxone program as a whole- I would say, "It didn't work that time, that way." There are so many reasons it may not work first try. The patient has to be "withdrawing," not a sufficient dose, not a sufficient regimen, etc. I would rather see someone successfully on the Methadone program than in prison or a grave as well.
Please don't think I am attacking, or being rude. I have been RIGHT where he is, and made it back. I am NO better than he is now, just clean- we're both Opiate/Opioid Addicts. We both have the same obstacles, my use is just currently abstinent. The underlying cause for his use must be discovered and worked on(has to be his choice, again).
I write this because I care from the bottom of my heart, and I wish there was an easier answer than the work, emotion, and possible heartache it may cause to get him on the road to recovery. But, turn-around might be from her leaving, an arrest, a potential prison sentence, a stent in rehab with good Opioid/Opiate Maintenance Therapy, an employment drug screen, or being totally cut off from any family and friends that would help him obtain money(or a mix of these things). I don't believe an addict has to hit bottom, but when we do, there is no where to go but up if your alive.
Addiction is emotionally taxing and numbing on all involved. Again, that is because it infects everyone involved in some way. I just hope you can remain as healthy as possible through this. I know with all my heart if he could change it alone, or knew how, he would. No one "chooses" this lifestyle. You two are in my prayers!!!!
I just want you both to be healthy, and whole as possible