ARRRRRGHHH!!!! Quick vent regarding my fourth grader..

  1. 3 I just need to vent somewhere.

    My daughter is failing fourth grade!!!!!! She did so well the first three years of school, but has had a HORRIBLE time this year. Her grades are PITIFUL and her father and I are just about at our wit's ends. I seriously feel like I don't know what to do anymore aside from following her to school everyday and making sure she's getting all of her work done and then following her home and making sure she has everything done. I have spoken to the school counselor, I've spoken to her teachers... we make her do her homework every day before she does anything else. She's SMART; all indications have been that she's a very smart girl.... but she's already shown signs of being a HUGE slacker and I don't know how to reverse this. She just seems like she flat out does. not. care.. I am so frustrated.
  2. Visit  NurseCard profile page

    About NurseCard

    From 'Kentucky'; 42 Years Old; Joined Dec '03; Posts: 2,069; Likes: 1,595.

    30 Comments so far...

  3. Visit  TheCommuter profile page
    0
    I'm not a parent, so I'm not really qualified to comment.

    However, I've heard that many schoolchildren start 'disengaging' from school at around the age of nine or ten. The disengagement process happens to boys more frequently, but girls are not immune.

    Your daughter might have become disengaged from school. If so, I would find out her reasons for losing interest and go from there. Good luck with handling this sticky situation.
  4. Visit  HM-8404 profile page
    4
    Is your daughter having problems with her teacher or another student/s? A sudden change in grades will sometimes reflect problems with other students or a teacher. Trust me not all teachers are the same in class as when meeting with parents. My 5th grade teacher picked on me so much I was hospitalized for a week due to severe GI problems. I would not tell my parents the teacher was the problem because they just bragged all the time about how great she was. Wolf in sheep's clothing.

    As an example, I started wearing glasses while in her class. My first day in class after getting the glasses I was talking to the boy behind me and this witch of a teacher told me to turn around and shut up, I had 4 eyes now so I can see the board. The first person to ever call me 4 eyes was my dang teacher! My grades dropped drastically and I stayed in trouble at home due to it. From that point on I became very withdrawn in school and my senior year I was put in the yearbook as Most Shy. This was a kid that was very talkative my first 4 years of school.
  5. Visit  Spidey's mom profile page
    8
    I agree - a sudden change in behavior/grades/etc. entails further investigation.

    (I work in our local school district as a nurse and see this often).
  6. Visit  mdoze911nurse profile page
    3
    It is VERY important to keep communication open with your child. She may have a bully problem or as suggested above, a teacher problem. Do you know some of the other parents of kids in her class? Maybe they can shed some light. Just openly love her and let her know that you believe in her even though this is a rough patch!

    Quote from NurseCard
    I just need to vent somewhere.

    My daughter is failing fourth grade!!!!!! She did so well the first three years of school, but has had a HORRIBLE time this year. Her grades are PITIFUL and her father and I are just about at our wit's ends. I seriously feel like I don't know what to do anymore aside from following her to school everyday and making sure she's getting all of her work done and then following her home and making sure she has everything done. I have spoken to the school counselor, I've spoken to her teachers... we make her do her homework every day before she does anything else. She's SMART; all indications have been that she's a very smart girl.... but she's already shown signs of being a HUGE slacker and I don't know how to reverse this. She just seems like she flat out does. not. care.. I am so frustrated.
    leslie :-D, canoehead, and NutmeggeRN like this.
  7. Visit  Jolie profile page
    1
    I'm sorry for your situation. I've experienced this with my youngest, and it is a tough road, but I will echo my fellow posters and fellow school nurse, Steph that serious investigation is in order.

    Does your daughter have a best friend or two in whom she might be confiding? Perhaps a sit-down with their parents would be helpful. That proved useful to us.

    My very best to you!
    NutmeggeRN likes this.
  8. Visit  NurseCard profile page
    0
    I think honestly, that she's used to being doted on by her teachers, and used to more individual attention... I mean, it's not like her 1-3 grade classes were small, but, and I'm not bragging I swear, but I think she's been a favorite of her teachers for the past three years. She's very very sweet, I mean just a SWEET girl.

    Now she's in the fourth grade, where she has three teachers instead of one, and there are 60+ kids between those three, and she's maybe getting less attention and maybe that's been hard for her to get used to. This is THEORY.

    I don't think her teachers are treating her badly or anything, but... I can tell that this year is just SO SO different, really a different animal. It's been overwhelming for ME. There's SO much more work, so many more things being covered. And like I said, the teachers have much different personalities this time around, and really seem to be treating her differently than how she's used to being treated. Not to say that the teachers necessarily SHOULD be paying MY daughter all of the attention!! =) Far from it... but am I making sense here? You have to know and understand how sensitive of a little girl she is, and how she really aims to please her teachers and all of the adults around her, and I don't think she's getting the feedback that she's used to.
  9. Visit  NurseCard profile page
    1
    Quote from HM-8404
    Is your daughter having problems with her teacher or another student/s? A sudden change in grades will sometimes reflect problems with other students or a teacher. Trust me not all teachers are the same in class as when meeting with parents. My 5th grade teacher picked on me so much I was hospitalized for a week due to severe GI problems. I would not tell my parents the teacher was the problem because they just bragged all the time about how great she was. Wolf in sheep's clothing.

    As an example, I started wearing glasses while in her class. My first day in class after getting the glasses I was talking to the boy behind me and this witch of a teacher told me to turn around and shut up, I had 4 eyes now so I can see the board. The first person to ever call me 4 eyes was my dang teacher! My grades dropped drastically and I stayed in trouble at home due to it. From that point on I became very withdrawn in school and my senior year I was put in the yearbook as Most Shy. This was a kid that was very talkative my first 4 years of school.
    That's horrible. =( I actually got made fun of by a couple of my teachers growing up... I wouldn't say that they were nearly as mean as that teacher was to you, but still... wow, teachers who bully young students like that are the absolute worst of the worst.

    I had a seventh grade English teacher who would make fun of me because I was quiet. I can remember that if I said anything, she would be like "Wow, she talks!". Doesn't sound like a huge deal, but it was to me.

    Then, my 11th grade US History teacher made fun of me for the same reason; because I rarely spoke. What those teachers did not understand was that I was a constant bundle of self-conscious NERVES.
    HM-8404 likes this.
  10. Visit  wish_me_luck profile page
    1
    I would talk to her and find out if anything is bothering her (bullying, depression, etc.). Also, I don't know if this applies, but does she have glasses? If not, can she see okay? I got glasses in the third grade. I couldn't see the blackboard. I started sitting right next to it to see, but some kids won't say anything. Just a thought. Doe she do any activities that just make her schedule unmanageable?
    NutmeggeRN likes this.
  11. Visit  barbyann profile page
    1
    Tell her that she is a good person, with lots of smarts, and that you love her no matter what her grades are. Get her involved with something outside of school, something in the arts, so she can express herself through creativity. Smile at her twice as much as usual.
    canoehead likes this.
  12. Visit  NutmeggeRN profile page
    4
    I would also get her in for check up with her MD, make sure there is nothing physical going on....


    Also FWIW, she may not be challenged enough. Have you spoken to school? She may have a learning disability or may be more advanced than her peers.

    Good Luck!
    VivaLasViejas, leslie :-D, nrsang97, and 1 other like this.
  13. Visit  lmburton profile page
    1
    Quote from NurseCard
    I just need to vent somewhere.

    My daughter is failing fourth grade!!!!!! She did so well the first three years of school, but has had a HORRIBLE time this year. Her grades are PITIFUL and her father and I are just about at our wit's ends. I seriously feel like I don't know what to do anymore aside from following her to school everyday and making sure she's getting all of her work done and then following her home and making sure she has everything done. I have spoken to the school counselor, I've spoken to her teachers... we make her do her homework every day before she does anything else. She's SMART; all indications have been that she's a very smart girl.... but she's already shown signs of being a HUGE slacker and I don't know how to reverse this. She just seems like she flat out does. not. care.. I am so frustrated.
    Sorry to hear that... If you rule out bullying...etc., It's just motavation time. Find something that will motavate she outside of school sports, cheer,etc and use that to your advantage.
    BostonTerrierLoverRN likes this.
  14. Visit  Nascar nurse profile page
    3
    Do not rule out a learning disability just because your child is smart. Maybe if she has received such individual attention the first 3 grades it was just never noticed that she struggled in some areas because she actually got the attention she would need. Now that the extra attention is not there, the problem is shining thru.

    I thought my son was very bright from an early age. He talked early, had a great vocabulary and clear speech in pre-school (one of the best in the class per his teachers), could put his older sisters puzzles together faster than she could, could do simple addition etc. He got to first grade and started word recognition and hit a brick wall. Despite tears and yelling from me to him...him to me...he could NOT do it. The teacher tried to tell me in a conference it was my fault because I was a working parent and did not spend the time working with him every night. (More tears from me)

    At the advice of a very good friend of mine, I insisted the school check him for a learning disability. They tried to tell me they thought he was too smart for a learning disability. Once I finally went thru the legal channels to make them test him, turned out he had an IQ of 130is and a severe reading and spelling disability.

    He is 17 now. With the help of the most fantastic special ed teacher, he has read at grade level with no extra help since 7th grade. His spelling is still horrible and probably always will be. Luckily he lives in this generation because I hear him asking Siri on his iphone "Siri...spell xxxx".

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