You Might Be Menopausal If........

  1. .....You begin every conversation with, "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

    .....Your idea of a good night's sleep is having to get up and change the sheets and your nightgown only once or twice.

    .....You keep a fan running at all times of the year, even during the winter when you have to put on three layers of clothing and huddle under half a dozen blankets and four cats to keep from freezing to death between hot flashes.

    .....You have to wear a pad 24/7 because you NEVER know when you're going to start---or STOP.

    .....Your co-workers see you step off the elevator and are instantly able to gauge your mood by the color of your scrubs. (Mine know to tread lightly when I wear my dark green or brown ones.)

    .....You think pushing 50, mopping your brow, and bending your elbow is enough exercise for one day.

    .....You start thinking that dying and going to hell might not be as bad as they told you in Sunday school........it's gotta be cooler there.

    .....You look in the mirror and say "My God, what is my MOTHER doing here?!"

    .....You find yourself wanting to tell the next smart-@$$ who observes you standing with your head in the freezer at work and asks if you're having another hot flash, "No, stupidhead, the infection control nurse is coming up for an in-service and I wanted to rattle her cage".

    .....You stop laughing at menopause jokes.

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  2. 18 Comments

  3. by   Spidey's mom
    Ha ha ha . . .those were the signs I was having 6 months before I found myself preggers at 43. Menopause my arse!

    Very funny Marla!

    steph
  4. by   VivaLasViejas
    Quote from stevielynn
    Ha ha ha . . .those were the signs I was having 6 months before I found myself preggers at 43. Menopause my arse!

    Very funny Marla!

    steph
    I still don't know how you do it, girl.........with two grown children and two teenagers, I can't even imagine what I'd do in that situation. I mean, the 0200 feedings alone would probably do me in. Not to mention dealing with the public school system for another thirteen years, which must surely be a fate worse than death! :uhoh21:

    You know, an X-ray tech asked me recently if there was any chance I could be pregnant, and I just about fell off the table---I haven't had a period, other than occasional spotting, since January, but if my DH weren't "fixed" and I hadn't had that ablation last year, I'd have cause to worry! Here I am, comfortably ensconced in middle age, just waiting for grandchildren......I'd be s****ing bricks if there were any possibility of being PG. Thank God there isn't, although we used to be so fertile that I'd get pregnant the second I heard the hubby unzip his pants at the other end of the house! Yikes!!
  5. by   jnette
    That was just GREAT, mjlrn !!! Whoooooooot !!! LOVED that last line... looking in the mirror... "OMG, what is my MOTHER doing here???"

    Too funny...and sadly, too true !
    This is a MUST forward. Thanx.
  6. by   leslie :-D
    every single year my 2 sisters get me the same birthday card....."another year older, another year closer to looking like mom". the mother thing gets me every time.
  7. by   Tweety
    LOL. I work with FOUR, yes four females going through the change. They freeze me out turning on the air conditioning.
  8. by   leslie :-D
    i am truly contemplating hysterectomy and get this whole dang thing over with. at this point, pms stands for permanent menstrual syndrome.
  9. by   beckymcrn
    Hahahahaha

    Hysterical!!!
    and I agree!!! :chuckle
  10. by   VivaLasViejas
    You know it's getting bad when you come back to the nurses' station for some paperwork, and the unit secretary immediately points her desk fan toward you and turns it on "WARP" speed.

    I've got 'em trained, I tell ya! :chuckle
  11. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from 3rdShiftGuy
    LOL. I work with FOUR, yes four females going through the change. They freeze me out turning on the air conditioning.
    Tweety . . .. our hospital finally had to resort to having all the thermostats removed and the whole hospital is now gauged at the same temp. The night shift would freeze everyone, including the patients and then complain that the day shift had the heater on all day. We'd all play with the thermostats even though there was a sign "please leave at 72 degrees".

    Well, the nursery is still warmer than the rest of the hospital.

    I'm usually freezing . . . those blankets from the warmers are great.

    steph
  12. by   leslie :-D
    the heating system at our facility is antiquated, so the 2nd fl. is hot, hot, hot. one a.m. i came in and the thermostat was ripped right out of the wall. desparate times call for desparate measures.
  13. by   VivaLasViejas
    I work on the second floor too........it's an older building, so we're always roasting. Then last night I worked on third (the maternity floor) where it's cooler, and about froze to death. But then, my personal thermostat is out of whack anyway, so there's no happy medium: I'm either melting or freezing at all times.
  14. by   Shamrock
    Very funny! I saw one somewhere that said something like the dose of phenobarbital that wiped out the heavens gate cult gives me 4 hours of rest.

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