.....You begin every conversation with, "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
.....Your idea of a good night's sleep is having to get up and change the sheets and your nightgown only once or twice.
.....You keep a fan running at all times of the year, even during the winter when you have to put on three layers of clothing and huddle under half a dozen blankets and four cats to keep from freezing to death between hot flashes.
.....You have to wear a pad 24/7 because you NEVER know when you're going to start---or STOP.
.....Your co-workers see you step off the elevator and are instantly able to gauge your mood by the color of your scrubs
. (Mine know to tread lightly when I wear my dark green or brown ones.)
.....You think pushing 50, mopping your brow, and bending your elbow is enough exercise for one day.
.....You start thinking that dying and going to hell might not be as bad as they told you in Sunday school........it's gotta be cooler there.
.....You look in the mirror and say "My God, what is my MOTHER doing here?!"
.....You find yourself wanting to tell the next smart-@$$ who observes you standing with your head in the freezer at work and asks if you're having another hot flash, "No, stupidhead, the infection control nurse is coming up for an in-service and I wanted to rattle her cage".
.....You stop laughing at menopause jokes.