You May Drink Too Much Coffee If....

  1. You may drink too much coffee if...

    ...You answer the door before people knock.

    ...You're offended when people use the word brew to mean beer.

    ...You ski uphill.

    ...You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

    ...You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

    ...You speed walk in your sleep.

    ...Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

    ...You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

    ...You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

    ...You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

    ...You sleep with your eyes open.

    ...You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

    ...The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

    ...You lick your coffeepot clean.

    ...You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

    ...Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

    ...You chew on other people's fingernails.

    ...The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

    ...Your T-shirt says: "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."

    ...You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

    ...You can type sixty words per minute... with your toes.

    ...You can jump-start your car without cables.

    ...Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet and Low.

    ...You don't sweat, you percolate.

    ...You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

    ...You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

    ...You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

    ...You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

    ...People get dizzy just watching you.

    ...You've worn the finish off your coffee table.

    ...The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

    ...Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

    ...Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.

    ...You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.

    ...People can test their batteries in your ears.

    ...Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

    ...Instant coffee takes too long.

    ...You channel surf faster without a remote.

    ...When someone says: How are you? You say: "Good to the last drop."

    ...You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.

    ...Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

    ...You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

    ...You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

    ...You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

    ...You short out motion detectors.

    ...You have a conniption over spilled milk.

    ...You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

    ...Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

    ...You think being called a drip is a compliment.

    ...You don't get mad, you get steamed.

    ...Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.

    ...Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.

    ...You can't even remember your second cup.

    ...You help your dog chase its tail.

    ...You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

    ...You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.

    ...Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. Hookup.

    ...You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation".
    •  
  2. 8 Comments

  3. by   tattooednursie
    lol thats me!
  4. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I already KNOW I drink too damn much coffee...living in Seattle, it is easy to do.
  5. by   suzannasue
    Hilarious and definitive of my existence on a caffeinated plane...will print this and take to work so my co-workers will understand why I think de-caffeinated coffe is evil...
    I have too much blood in my caffeine system!!!!!!!!
    Last edit by suzannasue on Nov 15, '02
  6. by   OBNURSEHEATHER


    Heather
  7. by   BadBird
    :chuckle I am sitting here drinking my huge mug of coffee reading this, I see myself in many of the above. LOL
  8. by   teeituptom
    Howdy yall
    from deep in the heart of texas

    for sure thats me alright.

    I actually do chew on coffee beans, very nutritious??????

    In the summer I even take a thermos of coffee on the golf course with me. is that bad or what.

    I drink coffee 24/7/52

    I named my 4th son juan valdez

    when my wants me romantic, she doesnt offer iced coffee, she gives it to me hot, But thats another story.

    I have sprinkeled instant coffee on sandwiches for the taste.
    peanut butter and instant coffee is mt favorite. screw the jelley



    doo wah ditty
  9. by   bagladyrn
    Got me! Ever tried chocolate covered coffe beans? It's not a tee shirt - it's a coffe cup - Says "Decaf is the antichrist! " Got a button that says "The first cup of coffee recapitulates phylogeny". I carry a french press coffee maker in my work bag just in case (the one time I worked all night without coffee, the day shift told me they didn't know who that woman was, but they never wanted to see her again.)
  10. by   teeituptom
    Howdy yall
    from deep in the heart of texas


    I like those chocolate covered coffee beans. Our ER was out of coffee one night, so I called a Taxi and had him run to starbucks to pick me up a bag of Kona coast dark roast. Good stuff. Thats expensive but I cant do without it.


    doo wah ditty

close