You know you're a Southerner...

  1. OK, this is in response to the Canadian thread going on elsewhere on the board... thought i'd start on my own region of the continent (you know- "American by birth, Southern by the grace of God!")! (These are not original, a friend sent them to me, but I think they are funny) Feel free to add...

    Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a "hissie fit" and a "conniption," and that you don't "HAVE" them but "PITCH" them.

    Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess".

    Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder".

    Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Goin' down back directly."

    All true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

    All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

    Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

    Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

    Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

    No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

    A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

    Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

    True Southerners know where grits come from (corn) and how to eat them.

    Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

    When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' ... ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

    A true Southerner knows "y'all" is a plural noun, that can't refer only to one person.

    Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

    And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way (well... I don't know about that...).
  2. 63 Comments

  3. by   cindyln
    so true
  4. by   MomNRN
    I have seen this list before. It always reminds my of my relatives in Southern Missouri.

    They always offer me a "sodie pop" too!
  5. by   FutureRN~Pookie
    I am from MS and I know a lot of people that most of those apply to! Good one Rayrae!
  6. by   Rustyhammer
    I STILL want to try some grits. Someone pointed me to a grits website ( and the grits had faces!
    Now you mention collard greens. What exactly is a collard?
    I don't think they grow over here.
  7. by   Rustyhammer
    It is
    They don't make them look to apetizing do they.
  8. by   perfectbluebuildings
    Here ya go Rusty... read all about 'em!
  9. by   passing thru
    They left out, "Waal, he said he's been hankerin for some collards and some of mama's home brew."

    "Are ya'll still throwin out the tater peelins for the critters?

    Is "prit near" or "pert near" on that list?
    Or "I hear tell they went off to Cinncinnati."
  10. by   FutureRN~Pookie
    Originally posted by Rustyhammer
    I STILL want to try some grits.

    Hahahah! You know what GRITS stands for right?
    So, maybe some day you will get to try some
  11. by   BranRN
    Rusty have you never had grits before? It just blows my mind that someone had never had them, guess thats because I was born and raised in Alabama.
    They are really good!! I love the country bacon grits, yum yum.

  12. by   Rustyhammer
    So collards is like boiled spinich.
    Girls raised in the south eh? hmmm...
  13. by   FutureRN~Pookie
    Originally posted by Rustyhammer
    Girls raised in the south eh? hmmm...

    I can GUARANTEE ya that you'll like 'em .....
  14. by   passing thru
    Rusty, there's only one way to eat breakfast grits, (and they are impossible to make nowadays, especially if you use "turkey ""bacon"".)
    You have to fry up a couple of pounds of pork pieces and ends. They still sell them in low income neighborhood grocery stores. If you can't find them, then substitute a pound of thick sliced bacon. (preferably the kind that ain't maple flavored)..YUK ..
    So, fry up the pork, when it's done , put it on a platter. Pour off some of the grease about 1/4 to 1/2 cup. Next, fry ya a couple -3 eggs, "over easy".
    Now , ladle out the grits onto your plate. Use a large spoon to smear 'em all over the bottom of your plate about an inch deep.
    Next, using both hands pull the bacon into little pieces all over the grits...lotsa pork. Next, lick your fingers ! Next pour 1/4 cup (at least) of the pork grease all over the grits. (this is the most important part.)
    Next , put your eggs on top of the pork and grease. Now, sit down and stir it all up good. If your'e real lucky, about this time, someone is passing you the salt and pepper and a big hot homemade biscuit. !! Bon apetit!