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I have a very open relationship with my fiance, menaing we talk about everything, and it has been perfect for the last 3 years , we are getting married this June. 3 times in the past 3 years, I... Read More

  1. by   sunnygirl272
    originally posted by susy k


    she needs to figure out if he's going to gay sites, or downloading from newsgroups. i am telling you, there is a difference, and there are a whole slew of gay porn that comes through from downloading.
    if anyone is familiar with newsgroups, you should understand this.

    please don't jump to conclusions until you know.

    the issue at hand (pardon the pun) isn't really his sexuality...it's his trustworthiness, or lack thereof...
    and although i have very limited experience with newsgroups, i don't think they just suck your creditcard #, exp date and name on the card from you...think one kinda sorta hasta type that in knowingly......
  2. by   studentOH
    The honesty issue is your main problem. Partner knows I look at porn occasionally, I don't hide anything from him. We both gawk at hot guys together, and have been monogomous since we started dating a few years ago. Give him an ultimatum, better now than later. You may also want to seek out a pre-martital counselor (just don't get anyone narrowminded that will tell him to get married to save himself if he is in fact gay). I've known people in all of the different possibilities pointed out in the above posts. Find out, tell him the lying stops NOW and find out what he really wants. If he can't give you that end it and find someone better...decent honest people do exist out there.

    brian
  3. by   studentOH
    One more thing--there is free porn on the internet...if he's spending money on it on the internet he's got a problem.

    Bri
  4. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Originally posted by studentOH
    One more thing--there is free porn on the internet...if he's spending money on it on the internet he's got a problem.
    Ah yes, very good point Brian!

    Heather
  5. by   kittyw
    Originally posted by OBNURSEHEATHER
    Or the cookies, or temporary internet files, or just pull down that happy little browser. What the hay, while you're at it, most instant message programs have a place to log all conversations. That would make some interesting reading I'll bet...

    Heather
    If you really want to know ... there is a piece of equipment that will record every keystroke on your computer. That way you can see if he typed in the www.... or if it was just an oops. And, he won't be able to delete the history or cookies or whatever.

    PM me if you want details.

    Best of luck to you.
    Kitty
  6. by   LasVegasRN
    End it, get out, and move on.
  7. by   Q.
    originally posted by sunnygirl272



    the issue at hand (pardon the pun) isn't really his sexuality...it's his trustworthiness, or lack thereof...
    and although i have very limited experience with newsgroups, i don't think they just suck your creditcard #, exp date and name on the card from you...think one kinda sorta hasta type that in knowingly......
    true, true. but if the porn is being downloaded before he cleans it up, how is it he is being honest or dishonest? he might not even realize it yet.
    newsgroups are very primitive (pardon the pun back) and have been around long before ie and netscape have been around. the internet is actually quite old. anyone remember gopher, finger, etc???? newsgroups are where all the good stuff is. oh well, anyway....

    the credit card issue is a totally separate one which i addressed in my original post.

    the gay porn is another issue, again, separate from the porn thing in general, i think.

    also, if he is not taking care to "hide" any of his history or files, then obviously he isn't too concerned about hiding it from her, i would think.

    rather than speculating, she needs to ask. are these files she is finding or web sites? some "good quality" porn also requires a fee or registration (hence the credit card #).
    take it from the wife of a husband who loves porn.
  8. by   nursegoodguy
    Anybody see the movie Brain Candy...
    Last edit by nursegoodguy on Jul 28, '02
  9. by   shygirl
    Did you confront him? Ask him why he is keeping it a secret? If he cannot answer these questions to your satisfaction. Find someone who is honest without hidden agenda. If thy lie once, they will lie again.
    Think how much happier you will be!

    A quote from my favorite movie....."Mistrust is so exhausting."
  10. by   Sleepyeyes
    Originally posted by studentOH
    One more thing--there is free porn on the internet...if he's spending money on it on the internet he's got a problem.

    Bri
    no kidding, really????!!

    Is that where all those nasty ICQ ads come from?? They're so disgusting I got rid of the whole program.
  11. by   moonchild20002000
    I agree with some of the other posters..I think his dishonesty is the real issue. I would talk with him.........listen to what he says,pay attention to how you feel. I think you may already know what you need to do.We are all here for you!
  12. by   Love-A-Nurse
    renee wrote: "if a man is looking into the internet porn.....gay or straight porn.......and lies to his woman about doing so......it's not what he is looking at that is the problem so much as the lying to do so. no marriage can be built on lies, deception, dishonesty, untrustworthiness...i don't care how much a woman says she loves him".

    i agree 100%
  13. by   kittyw
    Ditto

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