Why my life stinks. A Stark Raving mad view of my life, by me...

  1. Warning... contains a long and horrible rant... if this idea bugs you... close the window...NOW... if not, well.. heck... you might even find this to be intriguing...

    Well.. First, We'll start with tonight... I read the post about ear candling, and as I was completely lost, I looked it up on a search engine... What did I find? BUTTCANDLE.COM
    just wonderful... thats the next thing I need, someone to come into REHAB with a TOASTY TOOKAS!!!
    Mmm.. smell... FLAMING BUTT!!! YUCK. AND ITS ACTUALLY A REAL PRODUCT!!!! YUCK.

    ok... now... back to the topic... See... I spoke to my best bud tonight, as a matter of fact, it was a little while ago.. She has a bit more luck than I do when it comes to the dating scene... why? you ask... Well... she is beautiful... meeting guys on the Ferry... well.. now, me, on the other hand, have a hard time no matter what... I have best friends, and nothing 'more' although friends are nice... its not like having a guy...

    Ok.. what else... oh.. yeah... see... my mind has been so disjointed lately, and I know its from lack of sleep... and why cant I sleep? I dont know... I can never fall asleep, and once I do, I hate to open my eyes... I beg, and pray and snooze through almost any available moment while I can... (obviously, not at work, or while driving...but, while I'm snug in my bed or the couch) but, the act of laying down to sleep is beyond me... there are just too many thoughts buzzing through my head... and their not really thoughts per se... just feelings and emotions... really raw and vivid... So... what do I do? I draw, and write lots and lots of poetry... I'm on this new 'human form' kick in my artwork... its pretty nice and all... but, everything looks depressed... my poetry.. well... thats just real deep...we'll leave it at that...

    lemmie see... my good friend (guy friend) I wish we could start something other than friendship, but he is shier than I am... and is in a constant state of doubt over himself, but, I personally think that he is the greatest(not vally girl greatest, but moer like using greatest in a perhaps very adult and literal meaning of the word) person I've met in a long while...

    long while? Well.. since most of yous all know I am young, i will disclose that in the last 3 years, I've lost 4 friends, each in a horrible way... (the first went in a MVA vs drunk driver, second was the drunk driver, and decided to see if his car could fly, my absolute best friend in the world lost a long and horrible battle with a meningioma at the age of 18, and, the last which was last year, my friend, a fellow nurse, was driving in her car, and while turning onto a street, another car blew through a red light and she died instantaneously 1 block from her home..)
    So... what does this mean... well... I think of them, then get depressed... then talk to my guy friend, and vent out my troubles, and it is better again... for a bit, at least...

    hmm... why else does life stink.... I've to drop a class at school, an easy class to most, but not me... I'm not going to repeat it either, so I'll be doing something different at 2 schools in the area... the community college, hopefully, I'll be doing another year... year 3 of American Sign language, and at the expensive private college, I'll be doing nursing.. again... which I stopped for 3 semesters... so, now I'm a sophomore in college with really nothing to show for it... I've got all the nursing pre reqs, except for the anatomy and physiology, and then, stupid me decides to go off and take classes for no partictular reason... but, back on track for me I guess... i'll be about 100 yo once I get the AAS of Nursing... but, by that time, my disembodied head should be able to continue working somehow...

    What else... one of my friends had a MI about 3 weeks ago, and because he is a young MD, he thinks he's invincible, but has a fear of being by himeself... he dosnt have to say it, but you can see it in his eyes when its time for him to go home, so he hangs out in the rehabilitation floors dayroom and watches TV.. nice, polite and quiet... good bud to all the nurses and staff...

    ok... thats it for me as of this instant...
    thanks to anyone who reads this... I just had to get it off my chest...

    -Barbara, LPN...
    Sane inside insanity... most of the time, but I could be wrong.


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  2. 8 Comments

  3. by   cmggriff
    Barbara,
    I must admit the concept of butt candles makes it difficult to type I am always amazed at the things people will do for entertainment.
    I think we all have felt the way you feel at times. I know I have. There have been days when the effort has seemed less than worthwhile. So vent here if you need to. We'll read it and recall those low points of our own. Gary
  4. by   rnmls
    Barbara,

    would that i could go back ten years....your life sounds great, you sound alive thats more than most feel.
    1. your a nurse
    2. you live in NY
    3.your single
    4. no kids
    5. your in school
    6. your young
    i could go on and on and on it all boils down to FREEDOM enjoy it and live large take any and all life has to offer and that guy u mentioned tell him u love him or just tell him u want him but tell him something because someone is going to and then you might loose more than a friend.
  5. by   Roy Fokker
    From one Pagan to another

    ((((hugs))))

    You need a break. Perhaps a trip someplace?
  6. by   shel_wny
    Oops...double posted. :imbar
    Last edit by shel_wny on Dec 21, '04
  7. by   shel_wny
    That was near 4 years ago. I wonder how she's doin...
    That whole butt candle thing is way weird.
    I hope it's fake. Yick.
  8. by   NursesRmofun
    At first, I thought this was a recent message. <sigh> I think I have seen yeti around "here" on the allnurses.com site sometime in the recent past though. <shrug> Whoever bumped this up fooled me for a minute.
  9. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I dont' see you around much, Yeti. (Barbara) How are you these days? Please weigh in if you are still around...............................
  10. by   NRSKarenRN
    This 3 year old post from Yeti sure had me fooled......

    Barbara is completing classes at culinary school and working er slaving at a very posh private club in NY as part of curriculum.
    She continues to work part-time as LPN to pay for above schooling.

    In between her 60 hour weeks, peeks in at allnurses---left a Mod Team note that she's alive and well........and still sleep deprived.

    Happy Holidays to you!

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