What's wrong with me?

  1. I have been feeling kinda blue lately. It doesn't really feel like depression though. To be honest...I feel like a failure in life. I am 30 years old, no kids, never married, no prospects, still in school, stuck in a job that I don't really care for. Basically, I am just bored I guess. I feel like things have just gone down hill for me. I think that when I was in my 20's I felt like I had all the time in the world to accomplish my goals and now I feel like I haven't done much of anything, but played it safe. I know logically that I am not old and that it's not too late for me, but I can't help obsessing about my life. I stay up every night until around 1:30 or 2 am even tho' I have to get up at 6:30am. I don't mean to be depressing anyone else...I guess I just want to know that I am not the only one who's ever felt like this.

    Thanks for listening.

  2. 15 Comments

  3. by   Jenny P
    Tonya, please go to your doctor and discuss this with him. How do you know this isn't depression- do you know what depression feels like?

    After you have seen your doctor, then think about what do you REALLY like or would like to do in your life. Try to find an area that interests you and volunteer your energy towards helping someone else. I have always found that my life is more satisfying when I can be of service to somebody else. And take care of yourself. 4 to 5 hours of sleep is not enough to rejuvenate yourself and let you feel like a real person.
  4. by   roden58
    G'day Tonya, I agree with Jenny P see a doctor, I felt like you do maybe a bit different. Awake alot not enough sleep am now on meds and looking at life in a better way. Good luck and happy thoughts
  5. by   micro
    :stone :stone :roll


    hate cliches, but sometimes I use them anyway.........

    boy does your letter strike a cord at about the age you state.......

    yes, it could be a depression, but depression can be transient or something that might need a bit more.........

    life does throw us some loops and sometimes is just not what is cracked up to be or what we were told it was goin to be.........

    sounds like you are doing great, toughing out the tough times............

    know of course, it is not too late.....some of the most vital people I know have been in their fifties and on up.......and I am forty+ now.........

    time has a way of helping, and your dreams are not done, some are just changin and some are only beginning to open up to you...........and you have so so so much to offer.........

    but it is okay to be down as long as it is transient,,,,,,,,,duh we all get down.........

    but now micro goes out on public internet waves..............

    it is okay to seek help and just to check out if need outside help(i.e. medication, couseling, etc. to get you through this phase, etc). Clinical depression(if that is something that you ever deal with) is just another disease process that the human body deals with sometimes.....take it from a survivor.........

    do what you gotta do.......medication is not a crutch.........you are not inferior if you ever have a dx as such..............

    speakin only from personal perspective.................

    micro:kiss :kiss :kiss
  6. by   CountrifiedRN
    I can understand how you feel. My situation is different from yours, I am in my second marriage, and have three kids. I got married and had my first child at 17, so I didn't get to do a whole lot for me in my early 20's. I started my pre-reqs for the ADN program in '95, and I am just now in the program. I will be 34 when I graduate.

    There have been plenty of times that I have reflected back on my life and wished that I had done more. But while we can't change what is already done, we can change what we do with our future. I think that in our 20's our perspective on life is different than when we get into our 30's. In our 20's, we don't feel as if we are getting older, we feel that we have all the time in the world. We are adults, but still immature in many ways. While I wish sometimes that I could have gotten through my pre-reqs and started the nursing program earlier, I also wonder if I would have had the emotional maturity to go all the way through with it.

    I remember when I turned 30, I was devastated. I felt like age had snuck up on me, and where was I in my life? I hadn't really accomlished anything that I had wanted to do. I hadn't pictured myself being a divorced single mom at 30, trying to work and go to school at the same time, and scraping for every extra dime. But that was where I was. And I decided that I could sit around and mourn for lost time, or make the most of the time that I still have.

    30 is a turning point in our lives, but it is a positive one. We are old enough to have some life experience, giving us better perspective and enabling us to make better judgements, yet still young enough to make the dreams we started building in our 20's come true. You still have plenty of time.

    I also agree with the others who have said to speak to your doc about how you are feeling. It does sound like you have some depression, and especially if these feelings are keeping you from getting to sleep at night. You can't be at 100% if you can't sleep, and feeling tired and blah just facilitates the kind of feelings you are having. It's ok to ask for help, we all need it at some point in our lives. And it is not a lifelong thing for most people. I took zoloft for a while when I was feeling this way, and it did help. It takes the edge off these feelings, and once you feel clear minded again, you can focus on what you need to do to be happy.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you, I know you will be able to get through this. There are good things yet to come!
  7. by   live4today
    RN2BNC, What a very wise young woman of 30+ you are! I loved reading your comments in post #5. What a heart of love and compassion you have for others, and a very keen insight into your own life as well. The nursing profession will be very blessed indeed to welcome you and people like you into the profession!
    Stay strong! Stay encouraged! Hang tough! You are very much needed in the nursing profession! (((HUGS))) and :kisses

    Hello TCW, I recommend you making a copy of RN2BNC's post #5 so you can read it everytime you feel down. Many times in life, we gain our strength to go on by hearing other people share with us their own life's drama, and how they were able to overcome it. My prayers are with you as you seek a healing for your life through whatever way is comfortable and meaningful to you.

    Jenny P's advice is very good advice, also. It always lifts my spirits when I help someone else. No matter how terrible our situation may be, there is always someone else less fortunate who needs our love and attention.


    "It's not whether you get knocked down. It's whether you get up again." -- Vince Lombardi

    "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."-- George Bernard Shaw
  8. by   SmileyMouse
    Don't feel like you are the only one who ever felt this way! I just turned 30 myself. Single mom, still an LPN, alone. Felt like all the plans that I had for my life were never going to happen. "Like when did I get so OLD?"
    Then I realized something. You are never old until you decide that you are. Your life isn't even half over! You can still accomplish everything that you want to! Enjoy being in the place that you are. Like someone else said I don't like to resort to cliches, but here are a few that help me get through the hard times
    Bloom where you're planted
    Life isn't about the destination its about the journey. Don't worry so much about where you're going, enjoy where you are.
    You have to enjoy each day, it may be your last.
    Girlfriend, if you need help go to your doctor. It doesn't make you weak. Life is too short to be sad. Discover your passion make yourself go out and explore life. Wish I could reach out and give you a hug and hold your hand.
  9. by   duckie
    I don't think age has any reflection on your current frame of mind. I think many of us go through this, at various ages. In some ways, I'm doing it now. I'm 45, more bills than I wish I had, having to work more hours than I want to and wondering how I can gain a better control of my stress level. Even though I'm very happy in my job, I question whether or not I should move forward to become an RN so that in my later years when I can't handle the long hours on my feet I can have the level of education required to obtain a job that is not as physically challenging. We all say, "What if" many times in our lives. You are still young enough to meet "Mr. Right" and have a family. If you have had these feelings for a while and it's causing you to loose sleep, please talk to your doctor about it. I did and am not ashamed to say I take medication on the days I need it to calm my nerves and keep me from falling apart at the seams. I have had some rough months recently and there is no shame in asking for help, the shame lies in needing help and being to proud to get it. I will also tell you what I told my daughter about the, "Mr. Right" situation. She spent many hours crying because she couldn't meet anyone that she could get past the first date with because of one flaw or another than eliminated them from her "husband material" checklist. After one failed marriage, she just knew she would never be happy again. She met a nice young man about 3 months after her divorce, but he was pretty inexperienced in relationships so this soon failed. She had a few dates here and there over the next 3 years, then one day, they encountered each other again and now they are very happy and planning to get married. I kept telling her not to loose faith that God sees the entire picture of our lives but we only see the here and now. She'd listen but continue to cry and now she finally understands that by not having committed to anyone else during this time, she has the man back that she really loved, he just needed to grow up and experience life before he could understand what it was really all about. Love will hit you when you least expect it and knock you off your feet. This is a good time to concentrate on YOU and only you. Find hobbies that you enjoy, go places that you like to go and you never know who could be waiting around the corner. You have to be careful and play it safe but you cannot lock a cage around yourself, afraid of being hurt. Just always approach things in a safe manner and time will tell. I told my dauhgter that no man or woman can make anyone happy, you must first be happy with who you are, then they compliment your life. Take it one step at a time. Talk to your doctor first and follow his/her advice. Then start setting reasonable goals and work towards them. I wish you much luck and will pray that you can find inner peace to help you overcome these feelings of sadness. I'm sending you a big (((((((HUG))))))))
  10. by   TCW
    Thank you to all of you...you all are so wonderful and encouraging. I am going to call and make an appt with my doctor next week. I suffered from depression when I graduated from high school and was on medication for a while. I know I am reluctant to go back on because I hate taking meds.

    I started taking some of the advice I received and went and got a new hair cut last night and today (Saturday) I spent all day with my friend and later on with my sister. Wednesday I leave for vacation with my best friend so I am excited about that.

    I probably won't get a lot of sleep tonight, but at least I have a good excuse...I am studying for an Anatomy & Physiology exam. I have to admit that I felt better already just trying to stay busy, but I am definately going to call my doctor 'cause I have been feeling like this for months.

  11. by   micro
    you sound like a very very wise person.......
    you will do great on exam...........
    and you are great.....never never forget that..............
  12. by   Nursz-R-Awsm
    After browsing the posts, I see you have received great advice. I understand about your not wanting to take meds, but they can also be of temporary assistance.

    I think it is so common for those of us in healthcare to be prone to depression. It is too easy to focus on everyone else at times and forget our own self-care...this is also easy as a student with all of the responsibilities you have, fatigue, etc. I see you're seeing your doc...making time w/friends and family who care about you is very important. Talk to them about your feelings. Nice long walks or other physical activity helps too. You will feel so liberated when you finish your education, press on and let us know how you are doing!!
  13. by   live4today
  14. by   DougD1
    God bless you! I hear your pain, and have been there myself.
    Ask yourself a couple of questions:
    1. How long has this been going on? If for more than two weeks definitely talk with a professional. It is not wrong or bad to feel this way, we often make meaningful changes after a down time when we re-examine where e are, versus where we'd like to be.
    When i divorced several years ago I had a lot of the same feelings and was on an anti-depressant to help for a couple months.
    2. What do you really want? Are you in school for something you really want? Or are you not sure? you speak of playing it safe, do you regret missing something, someone? Talking it over with someone sure cannot hurt you to honestly evaluate where you are at versus where you want to go.
    3. I applaud your sensitivity, we need more people like you in nursing. Day in and day out I see people who are hurting in body, spirit and mind and we need folks like you who are sensitive to help. I guess we often start with this but often get lost with this-
    and get desensitized. Your sensitivity is not a weakness, but can be a great strength!
    You are NOT too old to accomplish any of your goals. What has helped me most at times like this is to seek the help of someone I trusted, whether a Doc or a counselor, or minister, and also to reach out to help someone else. You are obviously very busy with school or work but if you can even find one or two hours a month to volunteer in the nursing home, hospital, or Mental retardation facility you may learn something about yourself- that you are blessed with good health, a sound mind, and that you can MATTER to other people. This may help your self esteem, in helping others we often discover the good within ourselves.
    3. (Do not be offended by this) If you are even thinking or planning to hurt yourself please get help ASAP!
    4. "Time and Tide happen to all people"- you are not alone. Your turn will come, but you must persist and persevere.
    I will offer you up in prayer, may God bless you with the Peace that passes all understanding.As one who has been through tough times I do feel for you. Some guy will be very fortunate to have a lady like you.