What My Mother Taught Me

  1. What my mother taught me......
    1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
    cleaning."

    2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
    next week!"

    4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
    "Because I said so, that's why."

    5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
    'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
    the store with me."

    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    7. My mother taught me IRONY.
    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

    9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

    13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
    "Stop acting like your father!"

    15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
    have wonderful parents like you do."

    16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    " Just wait until we get home."

    17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
    "You are going to get it when you get home!"

    18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that
    way."

    19. My mother taught me ESP.
    "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

    20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

    21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    "You're just like your father."

    23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    " Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
    "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

    25. And my favorite : my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
    "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
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  2. 9 Comments

  3. by   RRMLPN
    I could almost hear my mom's voice saying all those things again!! Oh, and don't forget, "money don't grow on trees"... i'm not sure if that would go under gardening or finances !!
  4. by   H ynnoD
    Isn't it amazing that all parents say about the same things.As parents we should try and come up with new sayings.
  5. by   missmercy
    I'm sitting here with tears running down my face from laughing so hard. My mom said 'em too!! Even worse, she actually had some of her favorite ones written down on an index card -- I guess she was worried that she might forget the really good ones! :chuckle Those sayings must come in the manual "Raising your baby" -- You know the instruction book that comes with each baby --HMMMM! My kids must have been returns, 'cause they didn't come with the manual!!!
  6. by   BRANDY LPN
    The funniest thing to me is that I SWORE I would NEVER say such stupid things LOL esp. "if you dont stop crying I am gonna give you something to cry about" but have found myself uttering those same phrases to my own children, and I am sure I sound as much like an idiot as my own mother did when she said them to me LOL.
  7. by   Ahhphoey
    Ahhh!!! Brings back memories of the good old days. It does seem as if every mom says that. I don't have kids yet, but notice my friends who do have children use a lot of these phrases.
  8. by   nekhismom
    The one that i hated the most was always, "because I said so, that's why!!""

    Oh, it drove me INSANE!! I mean, I really just wanted to know WHY.

    Therefore, I do hereby solemnly affirm that I will try very hard never, ever to tell Nekhi, "because I said so, that's why."

    All of the others are free game, though!
  9. by   Shotzie
    OH NO! That's the one you will CERTAINLY say...right about the time your 4 or 5 year old asks you for the 20th time in 2 hours why he has to clean up his toys...you will look at him in absolute frustration and say
    "BECAUSE I SAID SO!"
    I did have a slightly different version at our house. I always said "because your Dad and are are the boss of this house and we say you have to!"
    My kids have all survived their childhoods with amazingly intact lives so I must not have harmed them too deeply.

    But you know what really great advisc my mom gave me?

    "NEVER TALK BAD ABOUT ANYONE BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE KIN TO AND YOU COULD BE TALKIN' TO THEIR SISTER OR COUSIN OR AUNT"

    ...And considering that I have run into people who know friends and relatives of mine everywhere I have ever been, from Alaska to Europe to Mexico to the Virgin Isles....she really did know what she was talking about!!
  10. by   nekhismom
    Quote from Shotzie
    OH NO! That's the one you will CERTAINLY say...right about the time your 4 or 5 year old asks you for the 20th time in 2 hours why he has to clean up his toys...you will look at him in absolute frustration and say
    "BECAUSE I SAID SO!"
    I did have a slightly different version at our house. I always said "because your Dad and are are the boss of this house and we say you have to!"
    My kids have all survived their childhoods with amazingly intact lives so I must not have harmed them too deeply.

    But you know what really great advisc my mom gave me?

    "NEVER TALK BAD ABOUT ANYONE BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE KIN TO AND YOU COULD BE TALKIN' TO THEIR SISTER OR COUSIN OR AUNT"

    ...And considering that I have run into people who know friends and relatives of mine everywhere I have ever been, from Alaska to Europe to Mexico to the Virgin Isles....she really did know what she was talking about!!

    Ok, I think I will try to use your version should the need arise. Right now, with a 2 y/o, we hear "NO!" a lot. I'm waiting for the "why?" to begin.
  11. by   BuffaloLPN
    This made me remember the most hysterical commercial. The guy is calling his dad while standing with the door open to his new house, saying now he can heat the whole neighborhood if he wants to...
    I love that my stepmom can only roll her eyes when I get to say " you always said when I get my own house I can do it however I want!" :hatparty:

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