What do you share with your spouse?

  1. I have been thinking about this and wondering...what do you share with your spouse/SO and what do you keep separate?

    We have separate checking accounts, though I basically tell him where I spend all the money (bills!).

    We have separate, private email accounts, though mine you can just open when the puter opens. I have never seen him touch it though.

    He never gets into my purse, even though I've told him I don't care. I don't get into his briefcase unless he tells me to. I also don't go through his paperwork, etc. unless I HAVE to find something that he is procrastinating about.

    How about you?
  2. 40 Comments

  3. by   brinaa
    i only tell my spouse what he needs to know,i keep somethings to myself for fear of his reaction,or if it might make him feel bad what do you all think should you tell everything or do you keep somethings to your self.:imbar
  4. by   Energizer Bunny
    I absolutely think you should keep things to yourself that might hurt your spouse's feelings. There is an article in a Ladies Home Journal that I was reading about this and the "experts" agree. Like, i would never tell Bryan that I had dreams about an ex, which I do often.
  5. by   traumaRUs
    We've been married a long time so we do have a joint checking account, a couple of savings accounts and a couple of credit cards. I do have two credit cards in my name only - my two favorite places to shop but I never charge much. The cars are jointly named. There is very little I don't share with my husband. I don't go into gory detail about work though because it is hard for him to understand why I love the chaos.
  6. by   tnrn2be
    My husband and I have had joint bank accounts since we were dating.......always to my advantage cause he's always made more money than me and doesn't question where it goes. We pretty much have no secrets from each other. We've been married almost 7 years and it took me 3 of those to really trust him thanks to my parents nasty divorce when I was younger (took me 14 years to repair my relationship with my dad to what it had been before the divorce). We work really hard to have a happy marriage and learned early on that communication and honesty are the keys to success.
    Last edit by tnrn2be on May 3, '04
  7. by   nurseunderwater
    we pretty much share everything...joint accounts...clothes (i wear his when i run out), books, etc....I generally talk about everything with him. as far as not telling him things that will hurt his feelings....well, that depends on the context and my motivation. sometimes i keep financial stuff (read stress, read bounced checks) from him ...it's selfish ultimately. i don't want to deal w/ him worrying too. we have a pretty open relationship, hey he's my best friend
  8. by   ARmickie
    I generally tell my hubby everything now. Didn't used to be that way, though.. There are some things that I don't share unless he needs to know. I have a few friends that I talk to that he doesn't particularly like, and he knows I talk to them, but I don't normally tell him everything that is said or everytime I talk to them. I guess the biggest thing that he doesn't know at this point, is that I am still talking to a friend, who happens to be an ex.. but, I don't feel bad about it, really. I mean, after all, he's in Iraq! Dreams about an ex.. haven't been haunted by those too much, thank goodness.. I'm not sure I'd be able to cope too well. But, I'm not worried about that either.. as the only one that I imagine I'd dream about has the same name as DH.. heeheehee
  9. by   Energizer Bunny
    Mickie...you're funny! I wish I didn't have the dreams. It would make life a little bit easier and my state of mind would be clearer...not that I would ever leave hubby for this guy...it's just annoying, because he was someone special.
  10. by   Tweety
    We've bought our house together, but basically that's it. Otherwise we're like roommate when it comes to bills. Each have our own checking accounts at different banks (I prefer a credit union), separate charge cards, separate cars (he favors fancy cars, and is thinking of getting a Mercedes), etc. We even got separate cell phones because when I got mine, he didn't want one. But as soon as I got mine he wasn't thinking and got his own on another plan. Silly man. We splint to bills evenly 50/50 as our incomes are close, but he does make more, so I make him buy me things like my $200.00 mp3 player, and spoil me in other ways.

    It works for us, we've never ever fought about money. We have one charge account in his name that we both pay off because it has household stuff on it, like our roof. He lets me blow money on CDs and books, and I let him blow money on cars and whatever.
  11. by   ARmickie
    We have just now reopened a joint account. We tried it once before we were married, and it didn't work for us. My income was double his, and he thought that if there was money in the bank, it was there to spend... no regards to upcoming taxes, insurance payments, etc. (I think the straw that broke the camels back was when we went to Lowe's to buy a hammer and a small barbeque grill... came home with a 300. drill and a 600. meat smoker. And, no, he didn't call and tell me this.. I came home to find it sitting on the deck!) But, now, he's the only one working since I'm about to start school. Luckily, he's grown up some regarding money issues and we've not had any problems. He tells me how much money he needs from week to week, and I work everything else out in regards to bills, etc.
  12. by   Nuru99
    We have a joint chequing and savings account and then we both have our own savings accounts. I also have a separate chequing account abroad (used to live in the uk and still have family there).

    We each put 'x' amount of money in our joint accounts each month and that goes towards paying for bills and house things. In the beginning (when we first got married) I would sometimes splash on painting stuff (that's my second love) and he would splash out on electronic gizmos (anything from the ionizer, filter, cd player etc). We would then have 'discussions' over wasting cash on non essential things. Now we have a pack, each month we give ourselves $40 to do with whatever we want guilt free, no questions asked. If you don't use your $40 on one month you can save it for the next month (i.e. $80 and then $120 and so on ). The rule is you can buy whatever you want with this money and expect no guilt trips.

    I just got myself a $400 paint set. I'm so excited I could crush a grape!!!!. :wink2:
  13. by   SmilingBluEyes
    we share virtually everything. NO problems after nearly 17 years of doing so.
  14. by   laughingfairy
    My husband and I share everything. He isn't on the checking account but that is more laziness then anything else.

    Especially anything that effects our family (money, time, etc) So really virtually anything.

    My DON recently asked me to do OT and I told her that I would have to discuss it with my husband. She made some rather dispareging comments about how she " used to be that way too" but now she is an "independent woman...and just tells my husband what my decisions
    are...and that no one is going to tell me what to do" My administrator and a supervisorhave told me a similar thing at different points.

    Kinda made me feel that they think there is something wrong with a relationship that shares decision making. But I don't want a relationship that is just two people living seperate lives in the same house. We are partners in everything.

    As far as details about work...since the entire HIPPA thing I'm very careful about what I say. I may come home and say I had a good day/terrible day and vague outline, but no names, no details, etc.