What do you want to teach your children?

  1. One of the things that bothers me most about some of my students is a lack of accountability. Several of them always have excuses for not turning in assignments on time, or not being prepared for clinical. I have single mothers with jobs who are always prepared, but some of my students who still live at home never seem to be able to manage their time. It was the same way when I worked in acute care. Certian people never seemed to be able to do their work, but it was never their fault.
    I have always taught my kids that they are responsible for their own actions. Of course I want them to learn to work hard, to be compassionate, and to be honest, but I think that all of these qualities will develop if one is held accountable for the results of their laziness, cruelty, or dishonesty. I believe this is the most important lesson we can teach our children to help them grow into well adjusted, successful adults.
    I'm sure there are plenty of other parents here. What do you think is the most important lesson you can teach your children?
    Last edit by Teacher Sue on Mar 9, '04
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  2. 20 Comments

  3. by   nekhismom
    To respect others, and their individuality, and to be accountable for their own actions. Those are very important to me.
  4. by   ladytraviler
    I taught my daughter's that for every action there is a consequence (?). Weither it is good or bad that is up to them. example - daughters went behind parents back and got bad tatoos. Consequense one month grounding and having to pay to have them either removed or fixed. #2 daughters helped out at a senior citizen center - cons felt good about self and thanks of others. both held them accountable for actions taken and i think that is missing from alot of kids (adults) today.
  5. by   traumaRUs
    My sons are 18 and 23 and husband and I have taught them to treat others as you would want to be treated and you must live with your adult decisions - be they good or bad.
  6. by   nurseygrrl
    Pride, self respect, strength, and kindness are foremost for me.
  7. by   SmilingBluEyes
    all the above PLUS;

    That they have rights...but along with those RIGHTS come RESPONSIBILITIES!!!!
  8. by   mattsmom81
    Kindness.... with a sense of self preservation to counter it.
  9. by   chris_at_lucas_RN
    .... their laziness, cruelty, or dishonesty.
    Realizing this was about your students, and not the actual question, I will not dwell here, but these are students who need to be weeded out, and who need to know why, with well documented examples. I don't think these qualities can be coached or taught out of them--these are personality attributes that will not serve them well no matter where they land in the world, but I sure can't think of a single person who would deserve a nurse like this!

    About kids, mine are 21 and 29. My daughter, the younger one, lived most of the time with her dad. She and I had a lot of mother-daughter conflict, and she (and therefore I) went through a lot of hard knocks learning how to make her way to where she wanted to go. (I'm a bit of an independent too, so I suspect this is a lot of where we clashed.) Now we are thick as thieves, happy soooo happy to be mother and daughter! She is a thoughtful serious student who cares about the feelings and needs of those around her, is a warm and caring partner to her SO (I already think of him as my son-in-law--she chose VERY well), and, when the time comes, will be a terrific mother and nurse (or policeman or EMT or whatever!).

    My son got more of my time and attention, because he was older when his dad and I split up (dad and I were sharing parents--functional joint custody), and he definitely had more "responsibility for his actions" type parenting. As a result, he paid a couple of power bills when he was a teenager ("if I have to turn your light off after you leave the house one more time, the monthly bill is yours!"), repaired lots of damaged walls the right way, knows how to care for a garden, takes pride in his own and the appearance of his home, can do his own clothes and can manage admirably in the kitchen. He also can be firm where he needs to be, and tenderly masculine where that's what's called for. He is a terrific husband, loving daddy, responsible law enforcement officer and, now, hard working active duty Army (national guard) in the Middle East.

    Both my kids got a lot of cheering on and kudos from me, and hugs and kisses as well. They've turned into the kind of people I'm proud to have given to the world.

    Personally, I think there's a correlation, maybe even causality.
  10. by   Teacher Sue
    Quote from chris_at_lucas
    Realizing this was about your students, and not the actual question, I will not dwell here, but these are students who need to be weeded out, and who need to know why, with well documented examples. I don't think these qualities can be coached or taught out of them--these are personality attributes that will not serve them well no matter where they land in the world, but I sure can't think of a single person who would deserve a nurse like this!

    About kids, mine are 21 and 29. My daughter, the younger one, lived most of the time with her dad. She and I had a lot of mother-daughter conflict, and she (and therefore I) went through a lot of hard knocks learning how to make her way to where she wanted to go. (I'm a bit of an independent too, so I suspect this is a lot of where we clashed.) Now we are thick as thieves, happy soooo happy to be mother and daughter! She is a thoughtful serious student who cares about the feelings and needs of those around her, is a warm and caring partner to her SO (I already think of him as my son-in-law--she chose VERY well), and, when the time comes, will be a terrific mother and nurse (or policeman or EMT or whatever!).

    My son got more of my time and attention, because he was older when his dad and I split up (dad and I were sharing parents--functional joint custody), and he definitely had more "responsibility for his actions" type parenting. As a result, he paid a couple of power bills when he was a teenager ("if I have to turn your light off after you leave the house one more time, the monthly bill is yours!"), repaired lots of damaged walls the right way, knows how to care for a garden, takes pride in his own and the appearance of his home, can do his own clothes and can manage admirably in the kitchen. He also can be firm where he needs to be, and tenderly masculine where that's what's called for. He is a terrific husband, loving daddy, responsible law enforcement officer and, now, hard working active duty Army (national guard) in the Middle East.

    Both my kids got a lot of cheering on and kudos from me, and hugs and kisses as well. They've turned into the kind of people I'm proud to have given to the world.

    Personally, I think there's a correlation, maybe even causality.
    I think you misunderstood my post. I was not saying that my students or my children are cruel, dishonest, or lazy. In fact my children are the opposite, and so are most of my students. I used those terms only to illustrate the opposites of compassion, hard work and honesty, and that people should be accountable for those types of acts.
    As for my students, I am more concerned about the few who seem to think they should not have to be responsible for themselves. One student actually told me she didn't finish her assignment because her mother forgot to wake her early that morning and she didn't have time to complete the assignment. Another student felt he should be given more time to finish the assignment because he works part time, and needs some time for himself. These young people have not learned to be responsible for themselves. Their parents have apparently made excuses for them, and now they feel I should treat them in the same manner.
    My own children have been taught to be accountable for their own actions since they were toddlers, and are both happy, well adjusted, hard working young people. I am extremely proud of both of them.
  11. by   chris_at_lucas_RN
    I wasn't certain whether the reference to the negative traits was related to some nursing students or nurses, but I did feel obliged to respond to it--that's why it is the only part I quoted at the beginning, and why I wrote that I knew it was not your original question. It is disturbing to find these traits in providers of health care, and in students aspiring to be providers. If anything, I meant to offer support in helping them find their way out of nursing.

    I knew you weren't referring to your children, and have reread my post searching for a suggesting that I might have suggested I was, but I don't (so far--I'll probably read it again later, just to double check!).

    Certainly no offense is meant! It sounds like you and I are very much on the same page, in reference to children and nursing students.

    I can well imagine a sense of frustration in dealing with the apparently immaturity of some students--college can be such a wakeup call... to be differentiated from that provided by mama, of course. I have taught college as an adjunct. It took me a while before I stopped being surprised when I got those sorts of excuses.

    It's a pleasure sharing the BB with you..... thank you for posting this thread.
  12. by   teeituptom
    to treat life with the same courtesies you learn on the golf course
  13. by   jemommyRN
    I will teach my daughter to be kind, responsible and independent. She must learn to never look down on people nor see any others as inferior to herself. I will also teach her (by example) that anything worth having is worth working for.
  14. by   LydiaGreen
    Honour - "Remember who you are and who you represent." (One of my father's favourites, and I am passing it on to my children). Our actions and our words DO impact upon our families, friends, and occupation. The way we act and speak is interpreted as a reflection of who we are. My father was an "old school, military" man and believed very strongly that "a man's word is his bond," and that a hand shake should be every bit as legally binding as a signed, notarized contract. The rest of the world may not be as honourable and truthful but my father felt that he should be and we should be.

    Unconditional Love and Forgiveness - Doesn't matter what they do, we love them, period. Just as my mother and grandmother taught me.

    Honesty and Accountability - If you lose credibility, you lose everything. Everyone makes mistakes, admitting to them, correcting them, and learning from them will allow people to see that you are dependable and reliable.

    Compassion and Understanding - We have multiple pets because pets teach children compassion, to care for something more than they care for themselves. As pre-schoolers they were enrolled in a nursery co-op program (6 hours per week). We purposely enrolled our children in the class that was reserved for children with disabilities, illnesses, to teach them compassion and understanding. They became friends with one child with terminal CA. This wonderful boy has a visible shunt and the chemo caused him to lose his hair, the CA caused motor deficits. My children did not see the differences, they see the similarities. They became friends with an autistic girl and they and their classmates became a routine part of her therapy - two years of nursery co-op (and multiple other therapies) helped to draw her out and learn to interact with other people. They became friends with a child with muscular dystrophy and learned to see past a wheelchair to the person in it. They served as my father's physiotherapists after a severe CVA, helping him to regain control of his left side (playing catch, taking short walks, reading with him to strengthen the muscles in his right eye). Their public school is the school designated in our area for children with disabilities who require supportive workers so they continue to be exposed to children with "differences". Twice a year (in the fall for Christmas hampers, in the spring for Easter hampers), they go through their toys and select the ones that they no longer play with, help us wash them and package them nicely and accompany us to the local food bank to donate them to children who need them. At Halloween, we explain the need for Unicef to provide children in other countries with immunizations, clean water, etc. The things that we are lucky enough to have paid for in Ontario through our taxes and EVERYONE here receives these services. Our children get two Unicef boxes each from their school and we fill one ourselves at home and they fill the other one trick-or-treating. I have a friend who is a single mother with a little girl and my daughter helps me to go through her clothing in the spring and the fall and we give her my daughter's "gently-used" clothing. I have a friend who is struggling to get her degree in social work with two young boys and a husband who works out of town. My son gives them his "gently-used" clothing. We are trying to teach them that although we may not be rich, there are ways that we can help those less fortunate, we should be thankful for what we have, and that we have a responsibility to help others.

    We are not perfect parents, but I believe that I have a responsibility to learn from my parents and do just a little better if I can. It isn't enough to tell our children the character traits we want to instill in them - we have to set the example.

    As for your students - I am attending a "satellite site" for diploma nursing (RN). I am currently doing my preceptorship placement. There are only eleven students left in our program from the original greater than 30 (I think). One left because of illness, one left because of family problems, two transferred to another site closer to home. The rest we lost because they were not focused on their education and the goal of becoming an RN. All of the students that are left are "older" with the exception of one. I am NOT saying that all younger students are not dedicated and focused but the older ones have "been there, done that" and are more goal oriented and willing to sacrifice the social life, the sleep, the time for self that is necessary to succeed. The "older" ones have already lived in the real world, had to pay bills, had to juggle work schedules with child care schedules, etc. They have already learned time management skills because of their real world experience, so they do tend to be more "focused" as students.

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