wedding problems...please help!

  1. okay, i need some advice about this!

    i was proposed to in December, and now my fiance and i are planning on getting married in May of 2004. the problem is that his brother just got engaged last night and he is saying that they are getting married in May of 2004, too. and at the same church!! i am absolutely livid about this!

    am i blowing this out of proportion? i think this is a major issue, but my future in-laws think we are making too big a deal about this. please give me your advice on this. i am so upset right now...
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  2. 30 Comments

  3. by   NurseShell
    You got engaged first! First come first served!

    Did you already reserve the church? If so and you told them...they need to back off!

    at least IMHO you were there first and you should not have to "share" with them.
  4. by   justjill
    thanks, nurseshell

    we haven't reserved the church yet....brooks (my fiance) totally agrees with me about this, but his brother is being such a jerk and his parents are on his brothers side!

    i just don't understand how anyone could not think this was a problem.

    how far apart do you think our weddings should be? a month or so?
  5. by   renerian
    Gosh I hope you will be able to pay for some or all of your wedding as two would bankrupt me. My sister and hubby spent 30,000 on their dtrs wedding which I could never afford to do. Maybe if you talk to him he can pick a different time?

    renerian
  6. by   hoolahan
    I can see why you are pizzed!! But, in the scheme of things, it is probably best to choose a different date yourselves, and avoid the problems. Sounds like you are getting into an interesting in-law situation!

    How far apart? I married a month apart from my cousin. We were not close, so the family didn't get uptight about it. I would say one and better two moths apart. More if any of the bridesmaids will be the same. It is usually the poor bridesmaids who take the biggest hits, two gowns, shoes, gifts, showers, it is a lot to ask to do it a month apart.

    You guys could still get married yourselves privately and have a recption later, I know that is a dreaded thought for a first time bride, so I don't blame you if you think that ideas sucks.

    All I can say is, try to go w the flow. Weddings are soooooo stressful as it is, it is waaaaay toooo soon to let yourself already get upset. If something is causing you stress, change it so it works for you. If you still want to get married in May, do it, pick the first weekend! But sometimes it is just not worth the stress and hassle when you are dealing w unreasonale people. October is a gorgeous time to get married!!

    (I'll whisper this, b/c you'll probany throw tomatoes, but anyway you can do a double wedding? Weddings are soooooo expensive, it would really save you a bundle! More for your new home or honeymoon!)
  7. by   justjill
    yeah, it will be expensive! but, luckily, it is two brothers instead of two sisters! that would be terrible!

    i am trying so hard to have a good attitude about this whole situation but it is so hard! i just feel like we should have the first choice of when we want our wedding because we were engaged first and we have been together for three years longer. but i guess i can't expect an ideal situation.....

    i just want a wedding that is special, and OUR day....not one we have to share with someone else.....

    i hate being in this kind of situation
  8. by   kids
    Originally posted by JillianRose
    ... i just feel like we should have the first choice of when we want our wedding...
    I hate to sound hostile but I think you are setting yourself up for years of misery if you try to be to accomidating now...this is not your inlaws wedding to plan and arrange, it is YOUR wedding, no one elses, there are no "first choices" and...it is only YOUR choice. YOUR wedding is over a year away, set your date and reserve the church...if people can't rearrange their busy lives to attend with that much advance notice screw them.

    (BTW...prepare yourself for having every plan you make...colors, flowers etc copied by the other bride to be...personally I'd TELL them stuff that is ugly or tacky and keep my real plans a secret until the last possible minute)
  9. by   kittyw
    Originally posted by kids-r-fun
    I hate to sound hostile but I think you are setting yourself up for years of misery if you try to be to accomidating now...this is not your inlaws wedding to plan and arrange, it is YOUR wedding, no one elses, there are no "first choices" and...it is only YOUR choice. YOUR wedding is over a year away, set your date and reserve the church...if people can't rearrange their busy lives to attend with that much advance notice screw them.

    (BTW...prepare yourself for having every plan you make...colors, flowers etc copied by the other bride to be...personally I'd TELL them stuff that is ugly or tacky and keep my real plans a secret until the last possible minute)
    Amen!! Remember that this wedding is about the two of you making a commitment to each other. And copying is a form of flattery.
  10. by   emily_mom
    Originally posted by kids-r-fun
    I hate to sound hostile but I think you are setting yourself up for years of misery if you try to be to accomidating now...this is not your inlaws wedding to plan and arrange, it is YOUR wedding, no one elses, there are no "first choices" and...it is only YOUR choice. YOUR wedding is over a year away, set your date and reserve the church...if people can't rearrange their busy lives to attend with that much advance notice screw them.

    (BTW...prepare yourself for having every plan you make...colors, flowers etc copied by the other bride to be...personally I'd TELL them stuff that is ugly or tacky and keep my real plans a secret until the last possible minute)
    Well said as usual...

    I accomodated my in-laws and thus was unable to have the wedding of my dreams. I'd let them set their date and then change yours to one month earlier....but that's just the ***** in me. If you're set on May, then go ahead and have it in May...damning the in-laws. They should all be damned anyway....
  11. by   hoolahan
    kidsrfun, Nancy, you have given some good advice, much better than mine!!

    I especially like telling the other bride ugly stuff. And you are sooooo right, even tho it is flattery, being copy-catted would annoy the heck out of me!!! Do tell her all the wrong colors, and keep yours a secret.
  12. by   Lausana
    That sucks!

    Something similar happened to a friend of mine, they ended up moving their wedding earlier. Go first, then everyone can compare their wedding to how nice your's was!! Enjoy your day & don't compromise what you two want :kiss
  13. by   Nurse Ratched
    Justice of the Peace is realllll cheap and requires almost no notice .

    (Sorry - it's a tradition in my family, and seeing the stress that wedding planning puts on people, I always like to throw it out as an option...)
  14. by   Hardknox
    Here is a "helpful" page. Especially the bridesmaid dress page. You may feel better when you read some of these wedding stories--or then again it may give you some great ideas to give the other couple.


    http://www.etiquettehell.com/



    Frankly, if I was the mother of those 2 men, I'd take the second one aside and say "You have to choose another month. It isn't fair to your brother."

    Good luck.. I had a very difficult MIL. I wished I'd nipped her meddling in the bud early on. It would have saved a lot of tears on my part!!!

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