We Had Women's Rules, Now it's the Guys' Turn

  1. At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1"
    ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
    down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
    way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
    work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
    we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
    all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
    makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
    for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
    what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
    fine...Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
    discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
    •  
  2. 4 Comments

  3. by   z's playa
    Cute. :chuckle

    I liked it.
  4. by   CHATSDALE
    you know i always wanted to know what they were thinking...the mystery of men..how they can get up with a gristle on their faces, scratching their butts and think they are brad pitt
  5. by   Roy Fokker
    Fran :: I noticed all those rules started with "1."

    Quote from CHATSDALE
    you know i always wanted to know what they were thinking...the mystery of men..how they can get up with a gristle on their faces, scratching their butts and think they are brad pitt
    :chuckle I don't think I'm Brad Pitt but that was too close anyway

    Here's somemore ::

    Don't cut your hair. Ever.

    Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!

    Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

    Your brother is an idiot, you ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too. []

    Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

    Most guys own two or three pairs of shoes -- What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

    Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

    Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

    You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -- not both.

    Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazine.

    Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do

    We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you

    If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement

    Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you



    Last edit by Roy Fokker on Feb 14, '05
  6. by   barefootlady
    hey, some of these rules fit just fine with my way of thinking too. love it.

close