Very Funny! Must Read!

  1. This is sooo funny. It deals with club/bar/ party situations. Thought it would be a fun read. Hope u like

    20 Clues a Woman Should Call it a Night

    1. I have absolutely no idea where my bag is.

    2. I believe that dancing with my arms overhead and wiggling my bootay while yelling WOO-HOO is truly the sexiest dance move around.

    3. I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone's @ss and honestly believe I could do it too. (scary psycho toliet b**ch, Kho Phangan Jules!!)

    4. In my last trip to "pee" I realise I now look more like Lily Savage than the goddess I was just four hours ago.

    5. I drop my 3:00 a.m. kebab on the floor (which I'm eating even though I'm not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating it.

    6. I start crying and telling everyone I see that I love them sooooo much.

    7. There are less than three hours before I'm due to start work.

    8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me.

    9. The man I'm flirting with used to be my biology teacher.

    10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming.

    11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so I keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.

    12. I've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.

    13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by giving me just lemonade, but that's just because I can no longer taste the vodka.

    14. I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.

    15. I start every conversation with a booming, "DON'T take this the WRONG WAY but..."

    16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when I sit on it.

    17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

    18. I'm tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be standing) and take a quick nap.

    19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my button fly pants to cut down on the time I'm in the bathroom away from my drink.

    20. I take my shoes off because I believe it's their fault that I'm having problems walking straight.
  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   suzy253
    :chuckle oh boy...i can relate to several of these--only i'm not going to tell anyone which ones!
  4. by   Aneroo
    Ditto! I guess it's my way for "forgetting" nursing school problems! The more I drink, the more I think I can dance, and everyone becomes my best friend!!! That's why I usually come equipped with a camera, so I can take pics, and try to remember what happened later! j/k -A
  5. by   suzy253
    Yea..I've seen some piccys of me 'in action'. Haven't taken any clothes off or anything but telling people how much you love them (with/without cryinig) is one of my specialties. I've actually had quite a few chats with some old bosses from work who I wouldn't give the time of day to any other time. Yup...the the vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore....are you watering my drinks down??? The place I used to go to for many many many years berfore moving out of state, the bartender was a good friend (of course) and I would always ask him 'are you mad at me?' His reply....'not yet'. don't know why I would always ask this. Boy there were some very fun fun times....I'll never forget them. Pleasant smile on my face right now thinking about it.
  6. by   unknown99
    OMG....12 out of the 20!!!
  7. by   Aneroo
    Ha! My most recent mistake was telling my friend Jenn (good friend, drinking buddy and bartender) that I didn't think I was quite feeling the effects of alcohol yet....So two ( :uhoh21: ) shots of tequila came rolling my way! And then I think I have all the money in the world to buy everyone else drinks...Silly me!
  8. by   Altra

    Oh man, these are great!

    My personal specialty is finding a deeper/spiritual side to people (uh huh, yeah right ...) and giving unsolicited "advice." But it's been a while ...

    Oh, and I have "misplaced" my purse on a couple of occasions, but you really don't need to hear about that!

    Hey, maybe that's what I need! Anyone up for a girls' night out?!