Venting

  1. Is it just me, or is marriage a joke to some people?

    I am separated from my husband because he was emotionally abusive, wouldn't work, cheated etc.
    Despite our agreements to the contrary, he has moved in with another woman and has apparently decided to abandon our marriage. Yeah, I should be joyous, but I'm not. It's nice to not be blackmailed and talked down to anymore, but I still wish the nice half of my husband would somehow take over his body and get some help and want his family back. I did EVERYTHING to please him and he threw it all in my face or used it against me.

    My biggest problem is his new girlfriend, if you can even call her that because we are still married. She doesn't seem apoligetic at all and is taking food out of my kids mouth everytime she is taken out by him. He can't pay CS, but he can buy a new car and take her out to hotels, out to eat, the movies, etc, and go out of town. I don't sound a little ticked off do I ,lol?

    I just don't see how she sleeps at night.

    I just needed to vent and possibly get some advice for getting through this time. Thanks.
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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   leslie :-D
    quite honestly, your anger is displaced.
    it doesn't sound like he is very committed to saving your marriage, whether he has a girlfriend or not.
    even in the absence of a girlfriend, he's still a cad, just by virtue of not paying child support.
    hoping you can get past the illusions and start facing the reality of what was and what is.
    i hope you find some peace.
    only the truth will set you free.

    leslie
  4. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from earle58
    quite honestly, your anger is displaced.
    it doesn't sound like he is very committed to saving your marriage, whether he has a girlfriend or not.
    even in the absence of a girlfriend, he's still a cad, just by virtue of not paying child support.
    hoping you can get past the illusions and start facing the reality of what was and what is.
    i hope you find some peace.
    only the truth will set you free.

    leslie
    I'm not really entirely mad at her, really not mad at all. I was just saying how do people feel justified to step into someone's marriage? Believe me, I am totally mad at him, as he is the one stepping outside our marriage.

    Like I said, I'm just venting.
  5. by   NursesRmofun
    Quote from CRNASOMEDAY25
    Is it just me, or is marriage a joke to some people?
    I feel for you. It must be very hard. And, yes, there are some people out there that will take candy right out of your children's hands and worse...much worse. Can't trust many people. Hope you have a good support system!
  6. by   traumaRUs
    Are you divorcing this creep? Then, go for child support!
  7. by   RainDreamer
    ((((HUGS)))) for you. I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this.

    I see what you're saying about the "girlfriend". Wondering how anyone could do something like that. I wonder how either one of them could do stuff like this. And I know nothing is going to comfort you at this time. But she will be in for a rude awakening in the near future. Yeah, right now he's charming her with all this "stuff" .... taking her out, buying her things, etc. But soon enough she'll wear off and he'll find someone else to charm.

    I hope it gets easier and you can get through this somewhat peacefully, for your and the kids' sake. Hang in there.
  8. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from traumaRUs
    Are you divorcing this creep? Then, go for child support!
    Yes, I am divorcing and I've had child support order, though not paid, for three years now.

    Thanks for the comments.
  9. by   TheCommuter
    It is understandable if the husband no longer likes you; however, he has to be the most selfish father in the world to not want to financially support his children or be involved in their lives.

    A close friend of mine is going through the exact same situation as you. I'll pray for the best possible outcome.
  10. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    I'd bet a lifetime, that he'll eventually dump her for someone else ("Once a man marries his mistress, he vacates that position"--Donald Trump).

    Till then, she can live with the insecurity of how soon he'll get to do that.

    There are some people who really believe things that a lying cheating scumbag says. And chances are, the truth is far from what he said, therefore, she doesn't feel guilty.

    If i'm not mistaken, there's a law in Virginia that you can't renew your driver's licesne if you own back child support. Check in your state and see if you have that law yet.
  11. by   TheCommuter
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    If i'm not mistaken, there's a law in Virginia that you can't renew your driver's licesne if you own back child support. Check in your state and see if you have that law yet.
    Similar laws exist in California, too.
  12. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    I'd bet a lifetime, that he'll eventually dump her for someone else ("Once a man marries his mistress, he vacates that position"--Donald Trump).

    Till then, she can live with the insecurity of how soon he'll get to do that.

    There are some people who really believe things that a lying cheating scumbag says. And chances are, the truth is far from what he said, therefore, she doesn't feel guilty.

    If i'm not mistaken, there's a law in Virginia that you can't renew your driver's licesne if you own back child support. Check in your state and see if you have that law yet.
    Funny you say that. He has never had a license, ever. He had the prilvilage to drive suspended because he to this day has unpaid tickets. Now, it's suspended because he owes 16000 in child support. he still drives despite that.
    I married a real winner huh?

    Yep he has told her some real whoppers. He basically abandoned us because he didn't want to be responsible for his family anymore.
  13. by   LeahJet
    I sure feel for you.

    One year ago yesterday, I moved back to Mississippi from Indiana with my one month old daughter because my husband didn't want to be married anymore. He had been having contact with an old girlfriend from high school via Classmates.com. The weekend after we left, she was in my home. (Most of my things still there) Oh, they were "in love"..... I think it lasted all of 4 months.

    I saw her/that relationship for what it was. It was an exit affair. He didn't even have the b@lls to leave on his own. He didn't want the responsibility of raising another child (his youngest is 16). He felt old and tired and she represented his youth.
    He is a pitiful specimen and will probably be miserable for the rest of his life. He looks to someone else to make him happy but will never be happy with himself.
    My daughter and I are so much better off. I am truly blessed and to be honest, would hug that woman if I saw her right now.
    The thing that has helped me the most through all of this is really very simple. It is a statement that can be used in so many areas of our lives when people hurt us........

    It's nothing personal.

    It is all about THEM and their issues. We just get caught in their selfish acts.
    You're in my prayers....but you know what?
    You will be just fine.:kiss
    Last edit by LeahJet on Aug 26, '06

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