If you are going to eat lobster like the locals go down to the wharf and buy them from the boats as theycome in.
Take them home in a squirming plastic bag- put the kids and the bag in the back seat with warnings about lost fingers and toes from hungry lobsters- if you are lucky one of the fishermen on the wharf will be minus a digit- they are more than happy to help torture the rugrats.
Dump the bag out on the floor and call the cat (this part is fun- make sure the elastics are on) then boil them in sea water (without their elastics) for about 30 min. How you get the elastics off is your problem and separates the men from the boys.
spread some old newspapers on the kitchen table
Have everyone sit down with a plate of potato salad, a fork and a knife (wimpy families also have a good hammer handy)
No melted butter (ugh)
Break open your own lobsters, chew out the meat from the legs and stick a knife into the knuckles and "thumbs". Don't waste any meat or the phantom fisherman will getcha.
Natives Mainers always bust claws open with their bare fists- just watch for splatter, and have a damp cloth handy to wipe off the walls. (My sister can aim her claw and hit anyone within 4 feet)
Someone Must Eat the Green STuff! If no one can appreciate this delicacy you can send it to my place- or better yet I'll come to the feed and eat it ALL!
When you do eat the grren stuff watch out for the brown line going through it and down the tail- not poisonous, but trust me, not good.
You must pick out this stuff, and an expert can get it all in on wormy line, and fling it at the person on your right.
Also watch out that you don't bust open any brain glands as the stuff up there is putrid and will put you off lobsters for a years or so. My father says there is an "old lady in a rocking chair" formation in a lobster brain that is very difficult to get at, I haven't seen it but would like to hear from anyone who has.
Finally roll all the newspapers and lobster shells and guts into a big ball and throw them away. If you have a cat it will refuse to eat for about 3days because it is convinced there is still lobster around. Try to ignore the yowling.
Hope this helps (hehehe)