Unprotected sex/15 yo step-daughter

  1. I am freaking out!

    My 15 y.o. step-daughter was 20 min. late getting home. Normally she promptly arrives at the normal time, but not today. When it wa 15 min. past time for her to be home I called my DH. I was worried, big time. As I'm speaking to him she walks in the door. Asked why she was late and she says she missed the bus and had a friend drive her home. I ask, "Who is this friend?" "Oh, Kyle......he's just a friend." She has a funny look on her face. 20 minutes later my dd comes into my office to talk to me. Seems my step-daughter lost her virginity on the way home from school with the boy at his house. Not only that but no protection!!!!!!!!!!!!! (OH BUT HE PULLED OUT! ) says I can't let anyone know she told me or step-daughter will never tell her another thing. I have to tell my DH, we have damage control to do here. How the hell do I get a hold of the morning after pill? And how on earth do I tell DH? I have not yet confronted my step-daughter.
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  2. 69 Comments

  3. by   manna
    How close are you and your SD? How close are she and her father? I think ultimately, if it was me, I'd wait until DH got home so we could decide together how to approach the situation...

    Good luck.
  4. by   AnnaN5
    The first thing I would do is call your local Planned Parenthood or another women's services place like that. There should be some in your phonebook and if not, call a hospital and see what they suggest for getting a morning after pill. Time is of the essence for getting that. The sooner you take it, the more effective it is.

    I am not a parent so I can't offer any expert advice, but I would wait until your husband gets home and tell him of the situation. Then either you, him, or both should sit down with her and discuss the situation without yelling since she may just shut down if she is being bombarded with yelling. See if she will tell you what happened, and even if she won't insist that she at least take the morning after pill and leave it at that for the time being.
  5. by   Dave ARNP
    Quote from LisaRN2B
    I am freaking out!

    My 15 y.o. step-daughter was 20 min. late getting home. Normally she promptly arrives at the normal time, but not today. When it wa 15 min. past time for her to be home I called my DH. I was worried, big time. As I'm speaking to him she walks in the door. Asked why she was late and she says she missed the bus and had a friend drive her home. I ask, "Who is this friend?" "Oh, Kyle......he's just a friend." She has a funny look on her face. 20 minutes later my dd comes into my office to talk to me. Seems my step-daughter lost her virginity on the way home from school with the boy at his house. Not only that but no protection!!!!!!!!!!!!! (OH BUT HE PULLED OUT! ) says I can't let anyone know she told me or step-daughter will never tell her another thing. I have to tell my DH, we have damage control to do here. How the hell do I get a hold of the morning after pill? And how on earth do I tell DH? I have not yet confronted my step-daughter.
    Lisa,
    I'm soo sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm PM'ing you very shortly.

    Dave
  6. by   LisaRN2B
    Thanks to all.

    Dave, I await your PM.

    Going to meet DH at McD's to talk (caught him before he left work). Oh, God help me, this is upsetting.
  7. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Lisa please see my message to you on the other thread.

    get to PP or your health dept ASAP for tx...STD's are a major concern, not just pregnancy. Get that girl medical attention asap!!! Let us know how it goes. My heart goes out to you...every parent's nightmare come true. Lord have mercy!@
  8. by   Dave ARNP
    Great minds think alike Deb.
    My PM was about getting her seen TONIGHT.

    You didn't mention it, but I also threw it in. Don't you think she also needs to get an AIDS test? Certainly would if it were my little girl.

    Dave, who's searching the yellow pages for chasity belts.
  9. by   SmilingBluEyes
    yes I do think an HIV test is in order, knowing NOTHING about the boy that had sex with her. She needs total care. And she needs counsel with a community health nurse, who can lay it on the line w/her and get her to listen. They are amazing at this. LISA do NOT delay! STDs are a bigger worry than pregnancy at this point. Fallout will be tough, but deal with the CRISIS now.((((LISA))))
  10. by   Tweety
    Good luck. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Educate. Educate. Educate.

    She obviously thinks enough of you to come to you and share this.

    Anger, screaming, yelling has no place here. Stay calm, cool and collected. Try not to judge.

    Good luck.
  11. by   zambezi
    Lisa--
    I am sorry that you have to deal with this (but at least she told someone, right??) I agree with what all of the other posters have said...my only other advice would be that no matter how upset you and DH are, please talk with respect her in an adult manner (even though she is just a kid). She is striving for her independence, as you well know. Lay your ground rules but the point is not to make her so mad she won't listen, the point is to keep her safe and get her checked out. Ask for her side of the story first, as really all you heard is a rumor (not that you shouldn't believe your other child but at least ask your SD first what happenedso she can have a chance to tell her side) If she feels non-threatened, she may listen (and hopfully stop with the sex) or at least use protection...Anyway, good luck, let us know how things turn out- I hope everything is for the best!
    I don't have kids or anything so I don't know how hard this must be...all I know is that I remember when my mom and dad talked with me, and I was much more apt to listen to my dad who said...we don't want you to drink but if you do, call me so I can pick you up--no questions or yelling included (I never had to call him so I don't know what he would have really done-but I sure would have called him over my mom )
  12. by   prmenrs
    After you meet w/Dad, get things organized for SD, try to give the boy's parents a call--if it were MY son, I would want to know so that I could throttle him in a timely manner. And educate him, buy Condoms @ Costco, etc.

    I wish you well--deep breaths, deep breaths. Kids.
  13. by   Dave ARNP
    I'm sorry to laugh at this moment... But Condoms at Costco? ROFLMAO

    That would have to be one active boy... but then again maybe he is.

    Dave
  14. by   CCU NRS
    Quote from LisaRN2B
    I am freaking out!

    My 15 y.o. step-daughter was 20 min. late getting home. Normally she promptly arrives at the normal time, but not today. When it wa 15 min. past time for her to be home I called my DH. I was worried, big time. As I'm speaking to him she walks in the door. Asked why she was late and she says she missed the bus and had a friend drive her home. I ask, "Who is this friend?" "Oh, Kyle......he's just a friend." She has a funny look on her face. 20 minutes later my dd comes into my office to talk to me. Seems my step-daughter lost her virginity on the way home from school with the boy at his house. Not only that but no protection!!!!!!!!!!!!! (OH BUT HE PULLED OUT! ) says I can't let anyone know she told me or step-daughter will never tell her another thing. I have to tell my DH, we have damage control to do here. How the hell do I get a hold of the morning after pill? And how on earth do I tell DH? I have not yet confronted my step-daughter.
    Beware the trust test. How long has the entire family dynamic been intact? Perhaps SD is testing trustworthyness of D. Maybe not but it is at least possible. Be very careful in what manner you proceed either way. Good Luck and God Bless from a step dad of 2 teen girls.

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