ugh.....VENT!

  1. I have to let off some steam over my stupid nephew. This whole situation makes me so mad....bear with me here.

    My nephew...we'll call him Drew....lives about 3 hours from me up in Washington with my wonderful SIL, her DH, and my other nephew. Drew is the same age as I am (20). I've known him for about 4 years now. All he has ever done is be rude, inconsiderate, go out and party, and get crappy grades....and oh yeah! He thinks of himself as a "pimp."

    Mark my words...he is not attractive. He has a big nose, a stupid haircut, struts when he walks, has ruts in his face from scarred over zits. But I can and did get past that. It was always my feeling that my SIL needed to give Drew a dose of tough love, but seeing as how I myself am young, value her friendship, and am not in her situation, I never have and never will say anything to her about my thoughts on the matter.

    A few months ago we found out that Drew had fathered a baby with his ex-gf. The baby is 5 months old now. Drew does not care for this baby. His mother does. She buys the baby many things. Drew lived out of the house for awhile, but would come over to his mother's house to eat and sometimes come in late at night (11pm or later) and spend the night, have breakfast, and leave in the morning. When we visted my SIL over the summer, I noticed that Drew's new gf looked....well....rounder than she should. Not fat-round....PREGNANT round. She's a skinny girl, so it seemed obvious to me that she was pregnant. Seeing as how I had just met her, and it was none of my business, I didn't say anything.

    A couple days ago, I found out that Drew had indeed gotten his new gf pregnant. She is due in November. Drew has quit his job, and he and his gf are residing in the living room of my SIL's 2 bedroom apartment. MY SIL is a bit concerned because Drew has fathered 2 babies in less than a year, and it is getting expensive to take care of the little lovebirds. She is having a baby shower for the new baby to help offset the cost of paying for Drew's new child. My DH and I are invited. Hmm.

    I have nothing against people who need a little help. I frequently need help to make ends meet. But I am at least ATTEMPTING to make things better for myself and family and to be responsible! Drew and his gf aren't even trying! I feel like Drew is an irresponsible slimeball and his gf was probably duped into thinking Drew would take care of a child if an "accident" were to occur. I have spoken to Drew before he got these girls pregant, and he told me he never used condoms. Exact quote. He said taking care of kids "wasn't a big deal" and that he would take care of his responsiblilies. He does like kids. I give him that much. My 2 kids like him. But there is more to being a parent than the fun stuff!

    ARRRRRRRRRG!
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  2. 9 Comments

  3. by   GPatty
    *SIGH*
    I can understand and relate to your concern. I can't say exactly what I would do in a situation like that, but my SIL was also taking care of her grandchild while her daughter ran around.
    Aww....heck....who am I to say? I have my daughter and grandson living here and I take care of him more than his Mom does.....
    This younger generation doesn't seem to comprehend that children NEED after they are born too! (Well, most of them don't realize...)
    Vent anytime.....
    wish I could have been more helpful to you!
  4. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Oh yea, I do relate. Being an OB nurse, I see this more than I care ever to. I remember distinctly, a 17 year old boy who also said he was a "PIMP DADDY" who had fathered THREE babies that YEAR!! Oh yes, he was damn proud, and ye, he was not stopping at that , I am certain. EVEN HIS MOTHER WAS LAUGHING AND CELEBRATING THE VIRILITY OF HER SON! Made me sick. I had to really hold it in that day, caring for this latest gf and baby. IT was A REAL CHALLENGE! The KIDS are the LOSERS in this situation, like always, we seem to forget what this does to THEM, leaving out how we feel about their parents. I feel for ya...good luck!
  5. by   SHELLYBELLYRN
    QUOTE from Julielpn "This younger generation doesn't seem to comprehend that children NEED after they are born too! (Well, most of them don't realize...)"


    Julie................first let me say, I'm pretty sure your comment WAS NOT a slam on "this younger generation", of which I am a part (age 26). Anyway..........I just wanted to say, don't give up hope on the ENTIRE generation...........some of us are responsible, full-time-working, make-ends-meet, pay-our-own-way without our parents, people who make sure we can provide for kids before getting pregnant.

    Have a great day!
  6. by   Mkue
    I have a niece who is almost 21, she dropped out of college, as she got really wild, then she became pregnant by a dead beat who spent some time in "jail". She is probably on assistance for all I know. I just hope she is a good mom.

    Some of these young girls have it figured out... get pregnant, don't marry the guy, collect assistance.. that burns me.. I'm a strong advocate for adoption, as there are many people who cannot have children.

    On the flip side I have many responsible young women in my nursing program and I wish they could all be like that. (sigh)

    Last edit by mkue on Sep 11, '02
  7. by   oramar
    This young fella couldn't get away with what he does without the full cooperation of a lot of women. Nobody with any self respect would even stay in the same room with this guy let alone have his babies. His mother and all these young women are as responsible as he is, they are all enabling fools. There have always been foolish women like this, it is nothing new. I would like to study the life situations of women without self esteem and see how they get like that.
  8. by   live4today
    Like I've told my own 3 daughters.....when you give away the milk and eggs for free......why expect anything in return???

    One of my uncles use to tell his son and daughter.....and their dates....before they left his home to go out on a date....."SON...ZIP IT.....KEEP IT ZIPPED!" "DAUGHTER.....GO PUT SOME PANTS ON, AND DON'T DROP THEM FOR ANYTHING BUT TO GO POTTY". He would also call their dates on the carpet, and tell them the EXACT same thing. :chuckle It must have worked as they both turned out well......went to college......graduated......married.......THEN.... ..had babies.

    WOMEN.....if it is THAT important to us to OWN OUR OWN BODIES......then......DAMMIT......start owning it!!! STOP GIVING AWAY THE MILK AND "EGGS" FOR FREE!!! There are NO ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCIES!!! Anytime you drop your pants, or pull up your dress and drop your panties...unzip your pants and open your fly......whichever......you are acting in a PREMEDITATED state of mind. no droppy pants.......no give up eggs and milk......no open fly.....no getty pregnant! Now.....see.......you don't need a college degree......at any level...... to grasp that fact!!!
    Last edit by live4today on Sep 11, '02
  9. by   nurs4kids
    I have to defend the "younger generation"; don't let a few bad apples ruin your view of the whole batch. I believe the originator of this thread is the same age as the topic, yet sees the fault. My niece, also in this generation, got preg at 19, and BF ran. I honestly figured she'd ride the system and live off my sister and BIL from now on. They were/are a tremendous support to her and I feared they were making it too easy on her by fully supporting her and the baby and watching him while she went to school and worked rather than making her pay a sitter. Thank God, she appreciated their help. My precious great-nephew turned 1 in January and he's been a blessing to my family. My niece graduated from college in December and is now very gainfully employed. She breast fed the entire twelve months instead of receiving public assistance. She moved out of my sister's home several months ago and is fully supporting herself and the baby. She is engaged to be married, next month, to a wonderful man (also of this generation) who has accepted the baby as his own. The baby's "sperm donor" has not contacted my niece since he found out she was pregnant and we hope he never will. His mother (who claimed my niece was trying to trap her baby) did call the day before the baby was induced to see if she'd had "it" yet. There's been no more contact from her either.

    So, there's sometimes a positive side to these "scumbags"..they do give us precious babies to love. I think the baby probably saved my niece (stopped the partying, got serious about college) and I know he and my two little one's have given my parent's something to live for after losing another grandchild in a car accident last year.

    Don't loose hope in this generation, they are really extremely responsible kids as a whole. or in your brother...there's ALWAYS hope.
  10. by   Rustyhammer
    and remember...

    "no glove...no love"
    -Russell
  11. by   live4today
    Originally posted by Rustyhammer
    and remember...

    "no glove...no love"
    -Russell
    Good one Rusty! :chuckle

    Or.....as I like to say......Don the wand.....or drop the wand.

    Or......got your raincoat on fella? If not.....no shower for you today! :chuckle

    Or.....are you prepared to pay for what comes out of that sucker for the rest of your natural life? If not.....better restore it to its natural state of being.......down boy....down!

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