UGH.... babysitter rant

  1. My husband's cousin is 18. She's a very mature and responsible girl. I like her alot, more than I like my own cousins. About once every other month, we do a movie and dinner, just us girls. We get along, and I trust her.

    So when I went to 12 hour shifts, I needed someone to pick my son up from school every other Friday (2 days a month) at 3:10, and watch him until hubby could pick him up around 5pm. She volunteered, and I was elated!

    Tonight I met her for our usual dinner (we decided to skip the movie) and her "friend" Kevin is with her. Whatever. No biggie. I didn't particularly enjoy being a 3rd wheel, but I ate and I drank and I'm cool with it.

    But this "Kevin" mentions something about my son, about what a smart kid he is, how he noticed that when he was with my cousin to pick him up from school once. I didn't really want to make a big deal about it right there, I figured I'd pump the kid for info when I got home.

    So I talk to my son and ask him, and he says yes, he was with her twice. I ask him what they did. (Did they go to his house, her house, drive around, what?) He said the first time he can't remember, but the second time they went to their friend's house and he played Playstation by himself. I asked where the cousin and "Kevin" went. "Upstairs." He says she didn't tell him not to tell me, but that he didn't because he thought it was something I would be mad at.

    I explained to Brian that I'm not mad at him, and that telling me was the right thing. I told him that taking care of him was the most important job in the world, and anybody that couldn't do it the way I want it done won't be doing it at all. I really wanted him to know it wasn't his fault.

    But I'm just beside myself about the cousin. UGH! I don't know if I should just tell her I've made other arrangements and not really address why because she's (hubby's) family and I don't really want to make waves here, or if I should make a big deal out of it. Or maybe I'm making too big a deal out of it all?

    The thing is, it IS a big deal to me. I can't get over this. That's my kid, and I pay her to watch my kid and she's not. I EXPECT that whomever has him considers him a priority, and she hasn't. That's very offensive to me.

    UGH. If you've read this far, thank you. Any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions are appreciated.

    Heather
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  2. 53 Comments

  3. by   deespoohbear
    I think you ought to tell her why you are making other arrangements. Just be matter of fact about it. Try to control your temper (I know that can be tough when someone is messing around with your kid's safety). She is 18 years old and needs to accept responsibility for her actions. I ran into a problem with our nephew who would babysit the boys. Ended up not hiring him again after one particularly bad experience. My husband and I told him why we would not ask him to babysit again. His Mom was cool with it. She knew the kid screwed up.

    Hey, when your talking about your kid(s) you need to do whatever you feel is necessary to protect them...Don't mess with the Mama bear's cubs...
  4. by   Lausana
    Geesh, there's no reason that she can't wait until after 5 to "go upstairs" especially if she only has to babysit 4 hours a month and is being paid.

    Maybe go with the approach that Brian mentioned he misses spending time with her one on one like before, maybe you won't neccesarily have to make a big fuss this time and she'll take the hint that you've caught on to the boyfriend being with her..? Hopefully at 18 she's old enough to get it
    Last edit by Lausana on Jan 17, '03
  5. by   kaycee
    I would talk to her about what happened and just say you are a bit disappointed in her actions. You are paying her to take care of you son not her boyfriend. Tell her if she has children someday she will understand. Even if it's family , I think it's always better to get things out in the open. If you are as close to her as you say you are she should understand.
  6. by   emily_mom
    I don't think anyone would flame you for being honest. She deserves to know why she is being replaced...maybe it will help her see her wrongdoings.

    This is the exact reason my daughter only goes to the aunt/uncle's house or grandma's. We had an outside sitter come in (cute little Pentecostal home-schooled girl), but she used to alphabetize my cupboards. And clean my entire house. And do my dishes. Kind of gave me the creeps...I mean, stay out of my cupboards... Then I felt obligated to pay her more, even though that's in her nature and I was unsure of doing so. We stopped getting her b/c I was paying her to watch my daughter, not clean.

    Kristy
  7. by   Mkue
    I agree with Kaycee and the others, it's better to confront her, explain your expectations again, maybe give her another chance. (maybe)
  8. by   Nurse Ratched
    Originally posted by emily_mom
    We had an outside sitter come in (cute little Pentecostal home-schooled girl), but she used to alphabetize my cupboards. And clean my entire house. And do my dishes. Kind of gave me the creeps...
    I'm still giggling about this! :roll

    It just ain't natural - a kid cleaning like that lol.

    Back on topic, I agree that any sitter who isn't actually watching the child for WHATEVER reason needs to be corrected or ditched.
  9. by   sunnygirl272
    hey!! talk to her about safe sex, too....
  10. by   ShandyLynnRN
    I think its fair for you to explain to her that it is not appropriate for her to bring her boyfriend while babysitting. I think you should tell her your reasonings whether or not you give her another chance, or fire her. She needs to know that it is not acceptible to "go upstairs" while caring for a child. For whatever reason, she doesn't understand the responsibility of babysitting, and she needs to.

    I would think that SHE wouldn't really want her family to know what happened, so maybe if you talk to her about it, she wouldn't take it any further. I know I sure as heck wouldn't want my family to know that I was that irresponsible, if I were in her shoes.
  11. by   Lausana
    Originally posted by emily_mom
    This is the exact reason my daughter only goes to the aunt/uncle's house or grandma's. We had an outside sitter come in (cute little Pentecostal home-schooled girl), but she used to alphabetize my cupboards. And clean my entire house. And do my dishes. Kind of gave me the creeps...I mean, stay out of my cupboards... Then I felt obligated to pay her more, even though that's in her nature and I was unsure of doing so. We stopped getting her b/c I was paying her to watch my daughter, not clean.

    Kristy
    That is just freakin' bizarre?! You'd think she'd probably want to take advantage of the time and watch MTV or something :chuckle
  12. by   Robin61970
    I would tell her the problem and then address it from there.....see what she says about it.....maybe she thought he was mature enough and rationalized it in her mind. I'm not saying it is right, but you never know what is going through her mind.....I would have already gone off on her though Heather,lol.......good luck with whatever you decide to do. I think she needs to know this is not acceptable.....what if she did it when babysitting someone else and that child got hurt?? My opinion.....good luck again.....
  13. by   emily_mom
    Nah, they didn't watch TV at all...didn't even have one at their house. No radio either. She brought books with her everytime she came. She came from a family of 7 kids and was the oldest. I'm sure her mother taught her that cleanliness is the only way to redemption. She just didn't know the social norms...sweet girl though. Just wondered if she was in my cupboards what else she was in.

    The kicker was when we moved. She watched Em at my MIL's house. She did the same thing to her cupboards. Talk about going through the roof! Heard about that for like the last 2 years... I should have warned her....

    Kristy
  14. by   ShortFuse_LPN
    If you decide to give her another chance, maybe suggest that she stay at your house while babysitting. Then tell her that you would rather she didn't have people over while you or hubby aren't home.

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