Turn Out the Lights, The Engagement's Over

  1. Bad news on the home front: my daughter and her fiance just broke up yesterday.

    Seems that when Micah spent those few weeks working in Florida, there was more on his mind than construction; there were girls in bikinis, and evidently he realized he wasn't ready to settle down yet........it took him another three weeks to figure out how to break it off with Amanda, and in the meantime they've been moping around the house, eating 24 hours a day and looking more and more unhappy every day, until I was about ready to throw them BOTH out.

    Then I guess it all finally hit the fan yesterday (of course, I was at work, which is another story all by itself), with the end result being that not only is the wedding off, the entire relationship is over. Now I've got a broken-hearted daughter, PLUS a sister who's in the middle of a nervous breakdown (that's yet another story), and a hellacious weekend going on at the hospital........and I'm about ready to bite a wall!!! Part of me wants to chew Micah a new @$$ for being so immature and being unable to keep it in his pants---he hurt my baby!! ---but the sensible mom in me knows that it's far better this way than if he'd waited until after they were married to take to his heels. In fact, I'm glad he did it now........being left at the altar would have completely destroyed Amanda, and she doesn't deserve that.

    But in the meantime, I keep praying to God to keep my mind open and my mouth, which tends to go off at times without permission from my brain, SHUT. I don't want to condemn him, even though I'm so mad I don't know what to do. It may be that Micah decides he really does love her and comes back eventually (although I'll be damned if I let him move in again---he never did pay his share of the rent anyway :angryfire ); at any rate, it's not about me, even though I---as well as the rest of the family---have been affected by these developments.

    Ah, sometimes it sucks to be the mother of adult children.......not only can you no longer "kiss it and make it all better", you can't fix their broken hearts or their broken relationships. You can't even tell 'em how pissed you are at the person who hurt them.........all you can do is let them know they're loved, and to be there when they're ready to share some of their pain.

    Thanks for letting me vent.
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  2. 22 Comments

  3. by   warrior woman
    Oh baby I'm so sorry for you and your daughter. Sometimes it hurts so bad you just want to punch a wall and scream. ((((GIANT HUGS))) Love you, kiddo.
  4. by   Hellllllo Nurse
    Sorry to hear it, M. Even though it hurts right now, your daughter will be much better off in the long run.
    ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
  5. by   jnette
    Oh Marla.... (((HUGS)))... I am so VERY sorry to hear this. Mainly for the hurt your daughter (AND YOU !) are feeling.
    You are so right... adult children are far more difficult to help, as they must struggle with helping themselves and yet cling to Mom at the same time for condolence and assurance.

    Again, I feel for you.... as my own dtr. prepares for her wedding day next week, I almost feel guilty...

    Please hang in there, sounds like your plate is plenty full again... WORK IT OFF!!! Work that stress off with your weight training, excercise routine, etc...!!!

    Hugs to you and your dear daughter.
  6. by   Rustyhammer
    Those must have been SOME bikinis!!

    Listen, everyone gets cold feet. If it's meant to be it will come around.
    -R
  7. by   nurseygrrl
    Quote from Rustyhammer
    Listen, everyone gets cold feet. If it's meant to be it will come around.
    -R
    That's exactly what I was thinking. ((((HUGS)))) to you and your daughter both. It's better this happen now than after they're married. I know it hurts even worse to watch your child hurt than if you were hurting yourself. I hope everything works out for the best for your daughter.
  8. by   Tweety
    I'm sorry to hear that. Take care.
  9. by   leslie :-D
    *******' men.
  10. by   Nurse Ratched
    I gotta agree with your conclusion that it beats the heck out of him deciding AFTER they're married that he isn't ready to settle down. I've said it here before - the engagement period was traditionally used to determine a couple's compatability/readiness for marriage, not to plan the wedding. So it has served its purpose whether she realizes it or not.

    I do feel for you and wanting to lay the smack down on the person that hurt your baby. My thoughts to your daughter (and I realize it's pointless now to tell her she'll get over it, but she will...)
  11. by   gwenith
    It may be that Micah decides he really does love her and comes back eventually (although I'll be damned if I let him move in again---he never did pay his share of the rent anyway );
    Marla - this bit jumped out at me - I guess I have to go with Judge Judy - sounds like he is not a "keeper" in any event. Someone who would disrespect you enough not to pay rent is not going to maintain respect for your baby when there are other stressors in his life and I think you have just seen that with this breakup.

    Don't bad mouth him but if you can get her talking about the realities of the relationship without the airy fairy "I love hims" just how did he treat her on a day to day basis and what annoyed her. Tease that out of her and I think she will either fall out of love or at least shorten the grieving.
  12. by   Energizer Bunny
    Marla...I'm sorry that this happened, but I agree with you that it is better now, than later. Things will all work out the way they are supposed to, I'm sure.
  13. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from gwenith
    Marla - this bit jumped out at me - I guess I have to go with Judge Judy - sounds like he is not a "keeper" in any event. Someone who would disrespect you enough not to pay rent is not going to maintain respect for your baby when there are other stressors in his life and I think you have just seen that with this breakup.

    Don't bad mouth him but if you can get her talking about the realities of the relationship without the airy fairy "I love hims" just how did he treat her on a day to day basis and what annoyed her. Tease that out of her and I think she will either fall out of love or at least shorten the grieving.
    Gwen . . . I'm going with the Judge Judy aspect too. If he was worth his salt he would have not moved in in the first place, but then to not pay rent either :angryfire

    He didn't respect you, your husband and now your daughter . . .. go ahead and kick his arse for me.

    Kiss your daughter anyway . . . . and remind her that she has great value and shouldn't settle for less than she is worth.

    steph
  14. by   bigmona
    hang in there... you sound like a wonderful mother and human being.

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