thank you all for your support.
i don't want to hijack your thread, renee, but i'll answer want to answer your question.
have you and your new spouse tried family counseling, or joining a group whose mission it is to bring stepchildren and stepparents together???
there is so much drama in this entire situation. it would take days to even display it all here (even though i have no desire to do that). tyler and i go to a family counseling center. he because he is severely ADHD and myself because he is ADHD plus the relationship issues and how it effects us all.
brian ("dh" - we aren't married but we have lived together for almost 5 years so i just use "dh". easier than saying significant other) doesn't have the opportunity to go with us. not sure he would anyway. he's a truck driver you see, and is up early and usually home past the hours most counseling centers stay open.
anyway, i digress. one problem we have is that brian doesn't "buy into adhd" regardless of how many medical professional opinions i show him. he can also see how concerta has saved our lives. so he thinks tyler "does things" on purpose. so he has become EXTREMELY hard on tyler.
not physically, but emotionally. brian is very much authoritarian when it comes to tyler but the baby gets away with murder.
now, why do i stay, you may wonder? as i said earlier, tyler (11 y.o. son) never knew 2 parent households. and as much as i believe ADHD is a medical diagnosis, i also believe environmental factors play a role in adhd childhood development.
so fastforward to present day, i have a young son to consider also. so far so good. no adhd symptoms. very relaxed, very laid back kid. and i DO believe this has much to do with the fact that the child is stability in a 2 parent household and is very secure. how do i just corrupt that?
but how do i as a mother, subject my first born to such out and out rejection from the man that i live with?
so you see, ROCK~*~HARD PLACE......i'm in the middle.
*sigh* alas, no easy answers.
i will say though, i cannot, this very day, support 2 children without the help of dh. i'm in nursing school. in my heart, i don't see brian and i staying together for the rest of our lives.
to me, a man cannot love me without loving what is mine, my son. he has slowly killed any emotion that i had for him some 5 years ago.
sorry for the novel.....but it kinda felt good to vent.