Topic: Dating A Single Mom

  1. I watched a special on one of the Texas television channels the other morning that was titled: "Dating A Single Mom"

    I was once a single mom following my divorce from the Ex-jerk...DNA donor to our three children....so for almost three years, I was always concerned about dating around my children and what effect it would have on them.

    What kind of "lines" did men give you when you were dating as a single mother (providing you fit this category that is)???

    How did your child(ren) feel about you dating someone other than their father whom you divorced?

    If you are a single parent, but never married, how do your dates feel about your child(ren) and vice versa?

    What fears do you have in the realm of dating as a single parent/mom/dad/guardian???

    Share your single parenting stories with us so that we can learn from one another. Although the topic on the t.v. show addressed guys dating single moms, we can certainly hear from the guys on experiences and advice they have in this area.....both as a single parent dating again, and as a guy who perhaps dated a single parent before...maybe even married her. :kiss
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  2. Poll: Have you ever dated a single mom before and how did it turn out?

    • Yes, and it worked out great for me...for us both.

      12.50% 1
    • I did, but it didn't work out at all for me or her.

      37.50% 3
    • I would never date a woman with children.

      12.50% 1
    • I've never dated a woman with children before.

      37.50% 3
    8 Votes / Multiple Choice
  3. 25 Comments

  4. by   live4today
    Alright already! Where are the SINGLE PARENTS on this BB??? :chuckle Come on now.......share....SHARE!!! :kiss
  5. by   stressedlpn
    i was a single mom for 6 years, dating was hard, because I was always worried about whether or not my kids would be treated as the typical"stepkids" I stayed away from anything serious, never let them around my kids, would only go out about once every 6 mos or longer. Another thing is that my ex was very abusive towards me and I was scared to let myself get into that again so if any guy would try to (as I saw it, control me) or even get into one fight I would break it off. lucky for me I met Dan, who has courage to stay with me even if I try to run away, he treats the kids as if they were his and plans on adopting them as soon as possible. I dont even mind that he snores sometimes HAHAHA
  6. by   live4today
    stressedlpn.....that is so neat! Sounds like you've found a real keeper. I admire your strength and protective qualities with your children. If only those moms whose kids were killed or molested by boyfriends would have done the same for their children, maybe their kids would still be alive, or still have their innocence intact. You sound like a great mom! :kiss
  7. by   bagladyrn
    I've been a single parent since my son was 1 1/2, so he never knew any different - it was just "mom likes to be with her friends sometimes just as you like to be with yours." It was never an issue for him, but one of my foster sons (teenager) would find excuses to be in the room every 15 minutes if I had a date at the house (looking for a pen, did I leave my book in here, oh I forgot I need to tell you...etc.) It was hilarious - even the other boys commented on it!
  8. by   Rena RN 2003
    What kind of "lines" did men give you when you were dating as a single mother (providing you fit this category that is)???


    the only lines turned out to be lies. most of them went something along the lines of "he's a great kid" for about the first 6 months and then he wanted to "bust his ass." well, i'm here to tell you that if any ass busting is gonna happen, it won't be from some 2 bit jerk that doesn't know how to talk to a 6/7 y.o.

    How did your child(ren) feel about you dating someone other than their father whom you divorced?

    my son never knew his father and i as a couple. we divorced when he was very small. this has had it's advantages and disadvantages. he will be 11 this month and it's just been in the past year that he's been curious about my marriage with his father. so far, i've been honest but tried to protect him to some degree also.

    What fears do you have in the realm of dating as a single parent/mom/dad/guardian???


    i'm living my fear right now. tyler and dh doesn't get along. they did in the beginning but when i got pregnant with 2nd son, dh began to treat 1st son second rate.

    now i'm stuck with "do i stay in this relationship and make my oldest son miserable? or do i split it off and make my youngest (he's 2.5 y.o.) miserable?"

    i've seen the positive effects of having 2 parents in the house with the youngest. i've seen the not so positive of single parenting with the oldest.
  9. by   dianah
    What a dilemma, Rena!! So difficult to weigh what will be best for ALL concerned, in the near and far future!! Tried counseling (more neutral than friends' ears)? Sometimes just venting helps me sort things out, clairifies issues: the good, the bad, the ugly -- so I may come closer to or arrive at a decision.
    I do not feel qualified to give any other advice in this area. I hope and pray you may sort things out and go the best way. Courage, in any case!! -- D
  10. by   live4today
    RenaRN....have you and your new spouse tried family counseling, or joining a group whose mission it is to bring stepchildren and stepparents together??? I know they have these groups out there, so check in your yellow pages, or call the local Y to see if they have them. You can also check the area churches, or the American Red Cross, or United Way for such classes. Either your husband learn to love your son just as much as the son you both share together, or he is NOT the kind of man you want in either of your sons lives. I say this because if your new husband really and truly loved you.....all of you.....he would NOT have a problem embracing your son by another husband. I highly recommend family counseling....even for a short therapy session.....it's got to help. I will be praying for things to work out. No man should come before your own child. Sounds like your husband has some "emotional" growing up of his own to do.
  11. by   WashYaHands
    I've only been divorced for a few months, so for me...I'm not ready to date yet. My ex husband is in the military and does not live in the same state, so living alone with my children is something that I'm used to. I was married for 21 years. Right now I'm trying to adjust to being me (as opposed to me and _____). I'm learning to be self sufficient, which I will admit is sometimes hard. My kids are 16, 13, and 7, and I want them to know, without a doubt, that they are the most important people in my life, especially now as I know they are also effected by all this. I have wonderful friends who care about me and love me and for that I am very thankful.
    Anyway, my answer to the poll is "I've never dated a woman with children before".

    Linda
  12. by   live4today
    Originally posted by WashYaHands
    I've only been divorced for a few months, so for me...I'm not ready to date yet. My ex husband is in the military and does not live in the same state, so living alone with my children is something that I'm used to. I was married for 21 years. Right now I'm trying to adjust to being me (as opposed to me and _____). I'm learning to be self sufficient, which I will admit is sometimes hard. My kids are 16, 13, and 7, and I want them to know, without a doubt, that they are the most important people in my life, especially now as I know they are also effected by all this. I have wonderful friends who care about me and love me and for that I am very thankful.
    Anyway, my answer to the poll is "I've never dated a woman with children before".

    Linda
    Linda states "I've never dated a woman with children before". :chuckle :kiss (((((((hugs))))))))) I laugh because you are a heterosexual making that statement.

    I set the poll up mainly for guys to comment on d/t the show that I watched, but it could be male or female answering. Way to go, Linda. (Thumbs up to you!)

    I know how tough being newly divorced can be, especially when there are children involved. My heart goes out to you and the children, and if you ever need someone to talk to...I've been down the same path as you, and am willing to be here for you. :kiss
  13. by   Rena RN 2003
    thank you all for your support. i don't want to hijack your thread, renee, but i'll answer want to answer your question.

    have you and your new spouse tried family counseling, or joining a group whose mission it is to bring stepchildren and stepparents together???

    there is so much drama in this entire situation. it would take days to even display it all here (even though i have no desire to do that). tyler and i go to a family counseling center. he because he is severely ADHD and myself because he is ADHD plus the relationship issues and how it effects us all.

    brian ("dh" - we aren't married but we have lived together for almost 5 years so i just use "dh". easier than saying significant other) doesn't have the opportunity to go with us. not sure he would anyway. he's a truck driver you see, and is up early and usually home past the hours most counseling centers stay open.


    anyway, i digress. one problem we have is that brian doesn't "buy into adhd" regardless of how many medical professional opinions i show him. he can also see how concerta has saved our lives. so he thinks tyler "does things" on purpose. so he has become EXTREMELY hard on tyler. not physically, but emotionally. brian is very much authoritarian when it comes to tyler but the baby gets away with murder. no consistency.

    now, why do i stay, you may wonder? as i said earlier, tyler (11 y.o. son) never knew 2 parent households. and as much as i believe ADHD is a medical diagnosis, i also believe environmental factors play a role in adhd childhood development.

    so fastforward to present day, i have a young son to consider also. so far so good. no adhd symptoms. very relaxed, very laid back kid. and i DO believe this has much to do with the fact that the child is stability in a 2 parent household and is very secure. how do i just corrupt that?

    but how do i as a mother, subject my first born to such out and out rejection from the man that i live with?

    so you see, ROCK~*~HARD PLACE......i'm in the middle.

    *sigh* alas, no easy answers.


    i will say though, i cannot, this very day, support 2 children without the help of dh. i'm in nursing school. in my heart, i don't see brian and i staying together for the rest of our lives. to me, a man cannot love me without loving what is mine, my son. he has slowly killed any emotion that i had for him some 5 years ago.

    sorry for the novel.....but it kinda felt good to vent. thanks.
  14. by   live4today
    RenaRN...thanks for sharing from your emotional pain with us. ((((((hugs RenaRN)))))) ((((((Tyler)))))) I will keep your family in my daily prayers. It's good to vent these things sometimes to third parties, so if you ever want to vent privately to someone, I am here for you. :kiss

    Well...time for me to get some shut eye. I'm yawning terribly now. Nighty night! Sweet dreams!
  15. by   kewlnurse
    I haven't dated a single mon oluy cuz I'm still married, but if I weren't I would. I do have freinds that wouldn't though

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