To call or just "drop"in

  1. Hi everyone--just returned from sunny-warm NC coast in Wilmington.

    Am not going to try to get caught up because I have to leave in am to go to Albany for a conference--but i do have a question for y'all (the southern influence)--

    My husband and I have had some fights over this one. He thinks I am inflexible and I think he is rude. Here is the dilemma:

    My husband believes in just "dropping in" to anyone's house if you are in the area. He does not call first and his family will stop at our house uninvited and unexpected. He says this is being sociable and that I should always be prepared to have anyone over at any time.

    I say I DON"T THINK SO!!!! I was brought up in a family that always made plans to visit friends and relatives. I feel so uncomfortable just "dropping in" on someone without an invite. I also have 2 very small boys and I like my house fairly clean if company is coming (or at least so you can walk to the kitchen without tripping over a power ranger)

    I just wondered if this is an issue with others out there. Am I antisocial because I don't want to stop by anytime????

    I will be back on Friday. Everyone have a good week--watch out I may drop in unannounced on you!:kiss :kiss
    •  
  2. 31 Comments

  3. by   Stargazer
    Apologies to your hubby, but in general, yeah, I think drop-ins are rude.

    I would be very very very unhappy with someone who "dropped by" on a Saturday morning when I was still in a t-shirt and sweats, drinking a latte' and going through my mail. I like to have me and my house cleaned up for any visitors, and I would be absolutely mortified to have someone come over when I, or it, were a mess.

    What if someone's in the shower, or has a sick kid, or is washing their dog, or having a fight with their spouse? Or cleaning out their attic? Or wearing the most god-awful items in their wardrobe because everything else is in the washer?

    Mind you, it might be okay in the context of a specific group--a close-knit family, or a neighborhood block with an open-door policy--IF everyone involved knew a bit about the others' routines and had a pretty fair understanding of what were generally good or bad times to visit, and IF everyone involved agreed that this was acceptable behaviour.

    But mostly, I don't think a courtesy call first is too much to ask.
  4. by   Mary Dover
    What I want to know is - Why didn't ya'll drop in while ya'll were here in NC? You probably passed right by me on your trip. I'm only about an hour away from Wilmington. How did you like NC? Was this your first trip here, or have you been before?

    But seriously, I'm in agreement with you. I do tend to prefer at least a heads up if someone's coming over. I just asked my husband his thoughts and he replied 'men are like that', to include himself. As women, I think maybe maybe we place some importance on how others perceive the appearance of our homes. But I'm no Martha Stewart or Ms. Manners.
  5. by   maire
    It's funny that this thread got started because my husband and I were just discussing this not too long ago. I think drop-ins are rude (no offense to anyone who thinks otherwise). We used to have these "friends" who would show up right at dinnertime or just when we were heading out the door. They even came over one day when I was wrapped in a blanket suffering from the flu and they stayed for 2 hours anyway.:angryfire I agree with a previous poster; I have kids and I'd like a chance to rake the toys into a corner before someone comes over and at least make sure I am presentable.
  6. by   live4today
    Originally posted by Stargazer
    Apologies to your hubby, but in general, yeah, I think drop-ins are rude.

    I would be very very very unhappy with someone who "dropped by" on a Saturday morning when I was still in a t-shirt and sweats, drinking a latte' and going through my mail. I like to have me and my house cleaned up for any visitors, and I would be absolutely mortified to have someone come over when I, or it, were a mess.

    What if someone's in the shower, or has a sick kid, or is washing their dog, or having a fight with their spouse? Or cleaning out their attic? Or wearing the most god-awful items in their wardrobe because everything else is in the washer?

    Mind you, it might be okay in the context of a specific group--a close-knit family, or a neighborhood block with an open-door policy--IF everyone involved knew a bit about the others' routines and had a pretty fair understanding of what were generally good or bad times to visit, and IF everyone involved agreed that this was acceptable behaviour.

    But mostly, I don't think a courtesy call first is too much to ask.
    I SECOND THIS MOTION! WELL SAID, STARGAZER!
  7. by   MitziK
    Ditto! Stargazer
  8. by   aimeee
    Definitely give a call ahead to see if it is okay to stop by. That gives people a chance to make a polite excuse if they aren't up to receiving visitors, gives them a few minutes to tidy up a bit, and takes away the risk of arriving at an inopportune time (like the middle of dinner or (*blush*) an intimate moment.
  9. by   nursedawn67
    I prefer a call first myself
  10. by   Fgr8Out
    Add another person who prefers to call ahead and be called ahead. In addition to all the wonderful and appropriate reasons, I like to have ME TIME and I might very well be put off by someone (save my immediate family) from just dropping by.

    I do make a habit of always calling first, even to my son and his family...it's just a courtesy.

    Peace
  11. by   kmchugh
    My house is just that: MY HOME. If I want to wander around in ragged clothes, reading the paper and generally being a slob, then I should be free to do exactly that in my home. Generally, social drop-ins are an unwelcome intrusion. I want my house to be my home. Its unreasonable to try to keep a house "ready for company" at all times. I work long hours at the hospital, my wife, who is also an RN, does the same, and we have a 20 year old daughter and a 2 year old daughter who also live with us. I dread the thought of people seeing my house the way it often is :uhoh21: . Tell your husband he is wrong (you women are pretty good at that, anyway :chuckle ). And you can tell him another man said so.

    Kevin McHugh
    Last edit by kmchugh on Apr 23, '02
  12. by   Q.
    Originally posted by Stargazer
    Apologies to your hubby, but in general, yeah, I think drop-ins are rude.


    What if someone's in the shower, or has a sick kid, or is washing their dog, or having a fight with their spouse? Or cleaning out their attic? Or wearing the most god-awful items in their wardrobe because everything else is in the washer?

    Or what if they are bangin' away on the couch?

    Fine, they can stop in but be prepared to maybe see somethin' they don't wanna see.....:chuckle
  13. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Originally posted by Susy K
    Or what if they are bangin' away on the couch?
    Suzy, you are on a roll tonight!

    I agree with most of the posters here... drop ins are RUDE!

    Heather
  14. by   Q.
    I think my husband's mindset has gotten to me.

close