to all moms and dads

  1. Just need to vent about this The school sent home a memo that a suspiscious character was hanging around the primary school near me. Apparently there has been a known sexual predator living in the area for years!
    It sickens me that my children are not able to be children - to run around free in their own neighborhood, visit back and forth with their friends, and most of all be made to feel afraid.
    I know that I have to educate them about sexual predation, kidnappers and other such scum, but it would be really nice if in our society our children could be children.
    I read an article recently in a magazine about a woman who was being stalked and the community that rallied around her. Everyone took turns making sure that this woman and her children were safe.
    My usual Mom free floating anxiety has peaked. It's not enough that we have to protect them from disease (as we can), make them wear bike helmets and apply sunscreen every two minutes, now I have to look at ll of my neighbors as potential abusers of my darling kids.
    Sorry to run on at the mouth about this, but it is dwelling on my mind
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  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   kewlnurse
    Thats what happens when liberal judges are appointed to serve. Scum like this should never be allowed to live as a free individual. Personally i would find him/her and have a blanket party wiht a few of the neighbors.
  4. by   st4304
    A few years ago when my daughter was around 8 or 9 yrs old, she went two houses down to play with her friend who lived with her father. (Mom did not get custody because father owned home and judge did not want to remove child from her home) Anyway, my daughter comes home and tells me that "Bob" made her feel bad. When I asked what she meant, she stated that "Bob" had held her down on the ground and tickled her under her arms and ribs and that he made her feel "creepy". I immediately called "Bob" and told him my daughter would not longer be able to play with his daughter at his home, that she was welcome any time to mine. He acted like I was making a big deal over nothing and I was being over-protective. He held my daughter against her will on the ground with his body! My husband even felt I was making too big of a deal over it. I was molested at the age of 11 and I knew what my daughter meant when she said he made her feel "creepy." I have to admit I did doubt myself, thinking my experience was making me paranoid.

    One year later, it was discovered that this man had been sexually molesting his daughter for several years. She is now living with her mother and in counseling, and he is not allowed to have any contact with her at all.

    It is sad that parents have to look at their neighbors as potential abusers, but it is necessary to protect our children. I was not the only child that my neighbor molested nor was I most likely the last. I never told my mother what happened until I was an adult woman because I was too ashamed and thought she would think I was dirty. I am thankful my daughter came to me immediately before anything worse happened. I don't think I could have lived with the guilt that I couldn't protect my daughter from the boogy-man.

    Thanks for letting me vent.
  5. by   fiestynurse
    I commend you for following your instincts st4304. You should have carried that "bad" feeling a little farther and contacted the police or Child Protective Services to have this man reported immediately, especially since he had a daughter living with him. But, I know it's hard to know what to do in these situations. I was molested as a child also, and I don't always know if I am reacting normally. I do know that sexual predators are out there in our community. You need to watch your children like hawks. And remember children are usually molested by somebody they know, like a relative, neighbor, family friend. Although Janet's fears are certainly real, when there is a known predator hanging around the school. Very scary! Parent do really have to talk to kids about this openly and believe what their kids are telling them. Don't pretend it's no big deal or brush it under the rug like it's a dirty little secret. Call the police and let them decide what to do. In my community we have a special team that comes out to investigate and talk to the child (Sexual Assault Response Team) We all need to do our part in protecting children. They should feel safe to play in their own backyards.
  6. by   JennieBSN
    Well, I was 'almost' molested at age 3...my sister stopped it and grabbed me and ran back to my mother. A bunch of 11 and 12 year old boys were trying to take off my clothes AT THE PUBLIC LIBRARY. That night, my mom and dad had a talk with me and my 5 year old sister about 'good touch, bad touch' and 'strangers,' etc.. It has always been a very up-front subject in my house as my mom is a shrink specializing in juvenile sexual predators and their victims.

    st4304, you should feel proud of yourself for standing up for your daughter. You were absolutely right on. Too many parents 'pooh-pooh' their child's complaints or 'creepy' feelings, and supress their own gut instincts, only to have the child end up being victimized. I applaud you. Keep listening to your gut and your daughter.

    Kewl, PREACH IT, BROTHER!! That's all I'm gonna say 'bout that.

    Janet, I totally agree with you. It's sad that our society is so sick and depraved that we can't allow our kids to just be kids a lot of the time. You're a good mom, though, to be so protective. Too many parents today are so laissez-faire about parenting and their kids grow up rotten and useless. Keep protecting and loving your kids just as you have been. We need more moms like you.
  7. by   Cindy_A
    Kewl, what is a "blanket party"? I have an idea, but I'm not sure. I've never hear of this term. Thanks for educating me!
  8. by   mustangsheba
    Throw a blanket over that dude and everybody beat the crap out of him - nobody has a face. There have always been predators out there. When I was little, it was the creepy crawler who hung around the park. Over the years, I have learned the creepy crawler is often an uncle, grandfather or family friend. I lucked out, but most of my friends did not. When people accuse my daughter of overprotecting my granddaughter, she looks them straight in the eye and says "How can you overprotect your children?" Tickling can be a form of abuse and is often used as a precursor to sex or violence. Let your kids know you're going to "overprotect" them, and when they roll their eyes, just tell them there are worse things. I pray a lot.
  9. by   kjmta57
    to all parents I can not stress it enough to contact your local police department and ask for a copy or where to get a copy of the locations of neighborhood predators.most states you can have access to that but most people dont take the time to do it.we release child molestors EVERYDAY from prison your child probley walks by someones house every day that is a registered child molester or rapist.unfortuntaly I have even seen family members who did not know their uncle or some relative also was a registered sex offender until it was to late.I got a list for my area and found I have several in a 5 mile radias and I live in a small urban town.and if you are really concerned about this issue contact your local victims rights group and find out what bills they are currently working on to try to change the laws and give them your support.I am a member of the doris tate victims right group in california(sharon Tate daughter runs it)they are very appreciative of any support given.Never a victim always a survivor.
  10. by   Cindy_A
    Thank you for the eduction mustang. A blanket party sounds like a good idea. Unfortunately, I think it will take more than that to get these guys to stop. They are usually repeat offenders, and the only way they will stop is to put them in prison for the rest of their life.
  11. by   hoolahan
    It is sad to have to shelter our children so, but it is necessary to keep them safe. My mother always prached to me about not hitch-hiking, she scared the hell out of me so I never did it. Hitch-hiking was losing popularity when I was growing up, probably after Ted Bundt was caught. I had a friend in school, we weren't close, but she used to hitch all the time. My husband (then boyfriend with car) and I used to pick her up all the time, and take her where she was going, or as far as we could, whenever we saw her. However, my first weeks out of nursing school, Betsy disappeared while hitching home from work, she was found dead several days later in a lake, murdered. They have never caught her killer. I am so glad my mom made me paranoid, b/c if she hadn't, I would have thought it was cool to hitch, and ended up the same way.

    I am ofetn sad that my kids did not have many kids their own age in the neighborhood to play with, and for that reason, they didn't play outside much or ride bikes, as I would not allow them to do so alone. I do a lot of running around taking them to friend's houses and sports etc. Now that my son is 14, I will allow him to ride to a friend's or go to the local quickie store, if he walks with a friend, but my dtr, faghetaboutit! She's 12, and even in a group, she has a very short leash!!
  12. by   cargal
    Don't forget to "define" the concept of a stranger to your children. Most young children see a fierce, scary person in their mind's eye when discussing strangers. Saw a blurb about it on GMA this am, mothers watched their children on monitors, unattended at the park, and watched them go off with a very nice grandfatherly looking man,(an actor specializing in child safety) who had a picture of his "puppy that was lost." Most mothers were sure that that their child would not talk to the stranger, but they willingly went with him to look for the dog, even leaving the park. Show them pictures of nice looking people and explain to them that they are strangers, role play, and Janet, does your PTA/Pto have an neighborhood watch? I agree with you, sometimes all this stuff is sooo much to handle. I think the stress of being a parent never goes away. It is worse at sometimes than others, like when you get information like you did from your school. My thoughts are, stack your cards in your favor, educate your child, and pray and have faith, in you and your child. Love and peace,
    Carrie

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