Things Kids Have Said in Church or About Sermons

  1. 1. A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
    "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"
    "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

    2. After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
    "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
    "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

    3. A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."

    4. A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked.
    "Why, God tells me."
    "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

    5. A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

    6. The Sunday School Teacher asked, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
    "No sir," little Johnny replied, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."

    7. A college drama group presented a play in which one character could stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would spring, and the actor would drop from view.
    The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.
    One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"

    8. Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."

    9. A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
    "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
    "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
    "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
    Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?
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