Things Dogs Must Try To Remember

  1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

    The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

    I do not need to suddenly stand up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

    I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

    I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

    I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

    I will stop trying to find the few remaining peices of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

    I will not throw up in the car.

    I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

    I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

    Kitty box crunchies are not food.

    I will not eat anymore socks and then deposit them in the backyard after processing.

    The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

    I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

    I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

    I will not chew crayons or pens, especially the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

    When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

    We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

    I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with them.

    The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom's and Dad's laps.

    My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

    I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
  2. 22 Comments

  3. by   RNatlast
    how funny! my dog needs to remember not to always "help" clean the dirty dishes in the dishwasher! drives me nuts!!
    Last edit by RNatlast on Feb 26, '02
  4. by   nicola
    Had to laugh!!! We used to have a dog, Molly, who would eat our crayons and "process" them. When we couldnt' find a certain color, we'd take a walk in the yard to "find" it!!! She really liked the yellow and orange ones best...
  5. by   BeachNurse
    I have a four month old puppy....her favorites are stealing dirty socks and underwear and eating crayons! Good thing she's so cute or I would have already found her a new home.
  6. by   hoolahan
    Loved this! :roll
  7. by   KRVRN
    "When I finally get my human to follow me out into the garage to get me a cookie, I WILL NOT stop every 3 feet or so to make sure my human is still following me. I will remember that this makes my human stop abruptly to keep from tripping over me."

    "Additionally, when my human becomes frustrated and attempts to go around me while I am stopped, I WILL NOT begin walking again at the very moment my human attempts to do this, as it will again make my human stop abruptly to keep from tripping over me."
  8. by   aimeee
    Oh, those are good! My dog has a thing for dirty socks. The stinkier the better! Ewwwwww.
  9. by   rjlrn95
    LMAO--Wonderful, sure picked up my morning!!
  10. by   live4today
    Talking about our pets.... I remember a cartoon I saw online one time where a little doggie had died and gone to pet heaven. While he stood on his hindlegs in front of the "judgement desk" where a big dog sat looking at him, the little doggie said "May I please have my testicles back?" :chuckle :roll Everytime I look at my little min-pin, I think of that cartoon because my little doggie is "fixed" in that area of his anatomy.
  11. by   ComicRN
    My husband's favorite thing to say to our dog is, "it's a good thing we love you!!" She's so darn cute.....but boy can she be naughty!!
  12. by   kaycee
    My dog Beau could of worked for Fredericks of Hollywood. He made me dozens of crotchless underwear for free.:imbar :chuckle
  13. by   night owl
    I have a bad case of bronchitis and am choking to death laughing at your post! :chuckle
  14. by   night owl
    I have a bad case of bronchitis and am choking to death laughing at your post! :chuckle What is it with some dogs??? I had a dog who did the same thing...they like those crotches