Things a Woman Will Never Say

  1. 1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

    2. The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too. I've invited her over for dinner on Friday.

    3. Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one!

    4. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

    5. Bar food again!? Kick ass.

    6. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

    7. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.

    8. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

    9. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want them?

    10. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

    11. Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare a$$!

    12. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

    13. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

    14. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly!

    15. You are so much smarter than my father.

    16. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.

    17. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?

    18. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

    19. You're so sexy when you're hung over.

    20. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

    21. Let's subscribe to Hustler.

    22. I'll be out painting the house.

    23. I love it when you ride your Harley, I just wish you had more time to ride.

    24. Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again,come see!

    25. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

    26. Your mother is way better than mine.

    27. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself something.

    28. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire.

    29. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.

    30. Look! My a$$ is fatter than yours.
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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   eltrip
    Hold on now, I actually said #8 when I was married to my ex- & meant it! It sure beat the dickens out of sitting in his dribbles!

    I'm likely to say #s 22 & 25 to my husband & I'll tell #15 to him any day, any time!

    He'd LOVE for me to say #28! Not in this decade!

    Funny!
    Joy
  4. by   st4304
    betts--

    Those were very funny! Thanks!

    Your pal in Indiana,

    Sherri
  5. by   wildezmanznurze
    Ya, I think my x-wife use to say stuff like that to me...

    ...but I'm not sure, cause I never really listened!

  6. by   Kayzee
    Loved your sayings. thanks, made me laugh and I needed that tonight.
  7. by   Ted
    . . . Also cute!

    :chuckle :roll :chuckle

    # 13 is especially funny and true! Never know what color hair my wife will have!

    Ted
  8. by   LasVegasRN
    You'd definitely hear me say # 23. I would love a boyfriend with a Harley! I'm the one at the stoplight giving cute harley guys the sad puppy look from behind my shades.
  9. by   kewlnurse
    lol
  10. by   Dplear
    Las Vegas....I ride a Harley...and am kinda cute......so I am told.....

    Dave
  11. by   live4today
    :chuckle soooooooo funny betts! :chuckle

    I have one for ya: Oh, honey, you stay home today and watch all the sports on t.v. you want. I'll go wash the car for ya! NOT!!!
  12. by   RNforLongTime
    betts,

    Your posts are always hilarious! You must've written number 19 about my husband!
  13. by   LasVegasRN
    Originally posted by Dplear
    Las Vegas....I ride a Harley...and am kinda cute......so I am told.....

    Dave
    oooooh! Can I ride? Pretty please? I'll be your friend! :blushkiss

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