The slowest car (vent)

  1. I feel almost silly writing this after reading Adrienne's "would you buy the ring?" thread, especially since, judging by her signature, it has turned out so well (congrats!), but nonetheless, here I go.

    My boyfriend and I (much like Adrienne, ironically) have been together about 2.5 years and have lived together about 6 months. My last relationship before him lasted almost 5 years but, quite honestly, was a very unhealthy one although I didn't realize it until I was in over my head. My ex and I had dated about a year when my parents got divorced, my mom essentially disowned me, and he proposed to me while I was crying over my mom kicking me out. I said yes, because I felt so helpless and alone and I needed *someone* to be there, so I got engaged at the ripe old age of 18. We were smart enough to wait until after I graduated to get married, but we never got there, once I figured out he was verbally abusive and just not a good guy for me. My family hated my ex, and I was essentially looked down upon for having gotten engaged to him in the first place.

    So when I started dating my current boyfriend, I was very anti-marriage. I was determined not to make the same mistake again. But things with this guy are different. I have never been happier or more content, and I look forward to spending many many years with him. We have gotten to the point where his sister calls me "future sister-in-law", Christmas morning his dad called to see what I got for Christmas and added "you know what your mother and I wanted you to get her, right?", his best friend calls our house and accidently asks me if my "hubby" is home, my classmates (all married or engaged) ask at least weekly when the ring will come, and why it's not already here, and assure me "maybe at Christmes" or "maybe at Valentine's Day". My dad has already "given his blessing" for us to get married, my mom tells everyone she knows "my daughter is probably marrying a firefighter". Oh, AND to add insult to injury, a few weeks ago a catalog for wedding stuff (invitations, favors, etc.) was delivered to my house (wrong person, right address).

    Most of the time I am unphased by all this commotion about my relationship. I am happy with my life, and where I am. I am thrilled that my boyfriend is so well-liked by my family, since it was such a source of conflict with my last relationship. I am busy with school, being almost halfway through an accelerated BSN program. He is an endless source of support and friendship for me. His family is wonderful and supportive and tells me I bring out the best in their son, people tell us constantly what a wonderful couple we are. And we are, and I enjoy where we are.

    But every so often after another friend gets engaged or another bridal expo comes to town, or another darn jewelry store commercial preaches to the men to buy diamonds for the ladies, it drives me NUTS. Thursday night after a long day at clinical discussing my classmate's wedding plans (she wants me to go dress shopping with her) and watching Grey's Anatomy where one pair got engaged and another got married, I couldn't take it anymore. I laid in bed and cried my eyes out. The poor unsuspecting man asked what was wrong, and I simply said I was frustrated and tired of being patient. He told me "A train only moves as fast as the slowest car, and I'm the slowest car, but we're heading down the right track." I, of course, asked when we're getting to the station.

    I know it'll happen and it'll be wonderful when it does, and I know I'm young and we have our whole lives ahead of us and all that wonderful stuff, but sometimes I just wish I were already there.

    But no, I won't buy the ring.
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  2. 1 Comments

  3. by   CHATSDALE
    just be sure that you want the same thing..maybe he is happy with the way things are..
    worked with a nurse who had lived with a guy for 12 years and when they were planning their marriage she was so happy, she asked for a vacation to go to arkansas for a honeymoon, 3 days before they were to be married he stated he wasn't ready
    she came to work and cried and cried but she stayed with him and as far as i know they are still together
    make sure you know him, and that you will be happy if the wedding does not ever take place, only you can answer that
    you have time, you are young and you are still in school..plenty of time to decide what you really want

    but by the way that train story has been around for a long time

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