The Secret Reproductive Cycle of Plasticus Domesticus

  1. The strangest life-from on Earth today is the species known to scientists as Plasticus Domesticus. You can see this strange life-form in its varied shapes and colours resting on the shelves of supermarkets and kitchens. This odd life-form may even be found slowly digesting it's contents while hidden away in the folds of school bags and briefcases.

    The most fascinating and by far the strangest trait of this life-form is it's reproductive cycle. It will only reproduce when in large groups or hordes of it's fellows among the darker recesses of kitchen cupboards. In the first stage of reproduction the adult forms or, as they are commonly known, the plastic container bases come together and fuse into one mass.

    Unfortunately few people recognise this first stage of reproduction and one can often see the sad scene of a human trying to wrestle the two partly fused plastic containers apart. Once fusion has been completed a bud appears and a new smaller piece of plastic breaks off of the mass.

    Stage two of the reproductive cycle then starts and the new specimen slowly transforms into brightly coloured disc shaped objects commonly known as lids. These lids lie about among the larger forms while the rims slowly growing into the familiar shapes of the adult containers. However some of the adult containers can turn rogue and feed on the infant forms.

    This reproductive cycle seems to be seasonal with nearly all the containers changing at the one time. This is why when you come to get a plastic container from your kitchen cupboard you often find they are:-

    A) all stuck together
    B) all bottom containers with no lids
    C) all lids and no bottom containers.

    A similar life-form known as the Chinese take-away container has a slightly different life cycle. When two are place in any darkened area or cupboard they will breed indiscriminately until there is no more room in that area.

    Other strange forms found within the family Plasticus is the form known as Plasticus Clothes-peggus. This life form is often found roosting on the backyard structures and lines. Occasionally they are found clustered in "hives" or "baskets". The most peculiar aspect of this life-form is not the reproductive cycle but the migratory habits. Like Lemmings, every so often a peculiar migratory instinct is triggered in these strange creatures. They will immediately leave the safety of their nests and migrate through the nearest dwelling. They seek out quiet dark places such as the floor of cupboards, inside the toes of shoes, bottom shelf of the refrigerator. No-one knows where these strange creature are migrating to. Some authorities have suggested that it involves the life form known as the Coatus-hangerus. Careful research has show that soon after migration the number of Coatus-hangerus forms within any habitation seem to mysteriously disappear...
  2. 15 Comments

  3. by   SmilingBluEyes
  4. by   Tookie
    Gwenith - you are such a dag -
    That was very clever
    Needed that sort of humour - got thte endorphins going.
  5. by   karenG
    :roll :roll :roll

    needed that!

  6. by   NICU_Nurse
    I have eighty lids and one bottom. Now I finally understand.
  7. by   Shamrock
    Now tell us about socks----PLEASE!
  8. by   karenG
    socks are easy- the washing machine eats them!! ever noticed how if you put 2 in, you will only get one back!!!!

  9. by   Katnip
    Yes, but where does the other one go? I have a friend who has a theory that the rings of Saturn are made up of missing socks and airline luggage.

    As for plasticus domesticus, my cupboards need an exterminator!
  10. by   Shamrock
    Ok Karen - My theory is that it can't be the washer as it has not
    gained an ounce of weight and it should be MUCH heavier considering the amount of socks it is supposedly eating! I don't suspect the dryer either. I like the Saturn idea, will have to get
    the telescopes out and start looking at those rings!
  11. by   Shamrock
    I was WRONG :imbar It IS the dryer!! See below.

    Now we get to the way it really is. The following theory is the conclusion of dozens of minutes of carefully undocumented research here at 2BRI. The reason why socks disappear in the wash is because Dryers Eat Socks.
    That's right! Dryers are actually organic creatures that feed off of socks. Out in the Midwest, Maytag and Whirlpool own huge secret ranches where they breed and raise dryers. The CIA has spotted them with their satellites, but has not cleared them out as they would have done the Land of Left Socks. Why not? Because we all already know what the dryers are hiding - the socks! These docile creatures periodically pick a sock out of your laundry and digest it. This provides them with the energy they need to tumble and heat your clothes, so it's actually a fairly symbiotic relationship. What happens to the digested sock you wonder? That's the truly staggeringly amazing part of this discovery - it actually solves not one but TWO of life's great mysteries. Where does the digested sock go? Where do you think lint comes from?
  12. by   Shamrock
    Oh brother, now I'm getting confused. This could be it!

    [2] Genetic memory

    Many scientists believe that objects, both animate and inanimate,
    have an inherited memory. Taking this theory into account,
    today's mysterious disappearance of socks can be traced back to
    past ages in which clothes were scrubbed clean on the banks of
    rivers or streams. In those days, every now and then, the water's
    current would grab a stray sock and carry it away downstream. The
    "genetic memory" of modern socks somehow still recalls those
    events, and causes a sock here and there to drift away with the
    currents of time.
  13. by   bagladyrn
    It was explained to me many years ago that ballpoint pens are the larval form of coat hangers. They migrate to the nearest closet and continue their life cycle,emerging as wire coathangers. This explains a lot as I can never locate pens, despite buying them constantly, and have never bought a wire coathanger, yet my closet is full of them.
  14. by   gwenith
    Ah Ha!! You pre-empted me! I was going to make my next funny story the "secret life of a sock puppet".

    You, like most people probably believe that hand puppets such as "Lamb Chop" "Kermit" and even "Punch and Judy" were innocent trappings of children's entertainement shows. In truth they lead a double life. By day childrens entertainers, by night they raid homes all across the world seeking socks to spirit away.

    It is sad really that the pressures of reproduction and the increasing demand for more and more sophisticated puppets has caused this problem to become an epidemic. In the early days of entertainment sock puppets were simple. A single sock decorated with some wool and buttons. Reproduction for these beings was quite straight forward. Sneak a sock away from the laundry, steal a button or two and there you have it a new puppet joined the ranks. But as evolution pushed the sock puppet to become first the puppet and then the muppet so the requirements for reproduction increased. No longer was just one sock and a couple of buttons sufficient. Now it entailed multiple socks often of different sizes and colours as well as hairpins, backs of earrings, hair ties, biro's and other household items.

    This has caused the puppets to plan raids across the world sneaking into houses at night and stealing socks and other items while the household sleeps.