The Nightmare before Christmas...and other holiday disasters

  1. Every year, befor Christmas, sometimes as early a June, l start having nightmares about Christmas...It's Dec24th, the stores are closed...l just found out it's the 24th and have no gifts, no decorations, nothing...zip.....over and over with slightly varying themes this dream occurs........and this makes me stop and think....what about those real life Christmas nightmares...(that are only funny a decade later)...do you have any to share?...l don't mean the sad soppy kind...but those of the hilariously disasterous type.

    So here's mine....The first Christmas my hubby and l were married, we lived in a small 3 bedroom cabin type home in the country, it had a wood burning stove that my dh liked to burn at full tilt...HOT!....well, l went out and bought a tree...(my hubby said trees don't belong in the house)....decorated it about 3 1/2 wks before Christmas.......Every day, in spite of watering, the tree becomes drier and browner thanks to the wood burning stove. Every time the dog walked across the floor, the sound of pine needles dropping sounded like rain, and every day my poor little tree became more and more sparce. At the time, l was back in school for my adn and nearing winter break. l returned from school one evening pulling into the driveway after dark..l observed my sad skeletal tree thru the window...it made Charlie Brown's tree look lush....something in me just snapped..BOOM...l stormed into the house and every eye was on me as l slammed the door and every last remaining needle on the tree just dropped leaving nothing but the ornaments....well, amid the fits of laughter form the kids an dh. i proceeded to strip the tree of every ornament and light all the while l grew angrier, my family laughed harder till l picked up the bare tree and threw it out the front door...honestly it was the last straw!.......The next day l did replace it and threatened DH's life if he dried it out again.....oh well, now we have a fake tree.......Merry Christmas!....LR
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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   kimmicoobug
    This isn't really hilariously disastrous, but just kind of ironic for me since Christmas is my favorite holiday. I came down with a raging case of strep the week before Christmas. Needless to say, I only had half of my Charlie Brown tree decorated (husband picked it up for $5, and it was half-dead and about 2 feet tall) I didn't have even half of my presents bought and absolutely none of the presents got wrapped. I gave my at that time 1 year old daughter and husband their few presents in Wal-Mart bags. The day of Christmas found me on the couch, taking my anti-biotics with the heater cranked to the highest setting.
  4. by   Jenny P
    Our first Christmas as newlyweds, DH and I went out and bought a bargain lot tree for maybe $5.00 and a he bought a cheap tree stand for maybe $2.00. DH was a student at the time so $$$ was tight. As we were struggling to get the tree to stand up, it became more and more apparent that DH did not know how a tree stand worked, and also that this tree had a particularly crooked trunk. He kept tightening the tree screws and making it lean this way and that (or fall over); I kept trying to help him by advising him which way it was leaning and that we needed this or that screw loosened or tightened. About this point he lets me know that we should have a "proper" tree-- an artificial one since that is what HE had when he was growing up. I said no way-- we needed a better tree stand. We finally got the darn thing up mostly straight and I started decorating it: lights first; then some bulbs. THEN DH decides to straighten the dang tree again as he thinks it leans too far backwards! And it falls over, so he picks it up and THROWS it (upright!!! ) across the room! NATURALLY; I AM FURIOUS!! He is ruining my Christmas! So my hot-headed Irish/ English/ Norwegian temper flashes and I give him a precordial blow (this was in the mid 70's after all, and I worked med/surg ICU). And we both started crying!

    We bought a decent tree stand that night; and for $20 that thing has served us very well ever since for the past 27 years. oh, and I finally bought an artificial tree last year. And HE tells everyone he was the abused spouse because of this incident! We can laugh about it now; but it was awful at the time-- and our worst battle ever (even though it was short).
  5. by   semstr
    Well the most hilarious thing happened our first christmas together.
    While decorating the three, I told my husband to bend the top a little, so I could put the shiny, glass ornament on it (here we call them Spitzer, cause they look like ........ yeah, well sharp ice drops, oh ok, forget it) anyway, said to him but don't let the top of the tree out of your hands at once, pull it back easy.
    Well of course he didn't and whhoaaaaammm, there went my beautiful Spitzer through the room and through the (closed of course) window, like a rocket through the sky, down on the street, 3 stories below!!!

    OMG, I was just standing gaping and my hubby had a very stupid expression on his face too, then we both went to the (now broken and open) window and looked down on the street.......... there was our Spitz in the middle of a carhood, the sharp end bored itself into it. The car belonged to one of our neighbours, so we (still in shock) went to him to tell the story. He didn'T believe us, so we went down to the street to show him.
    He just looked and started laughing right away and then we started too and couldn't stop anymore.

    Thank God, we have a good home-insurance and they paid for the car, not for our window, which was boarded up over christmas, cause all the shops were closed for 4 days.

    Now, we don't put on a tree anymore without having to repeat this story over and over, our daughter loves it of course!

    So take care decorating your tree! Renee
  6. by   emily_mom
    Oh, these are too funny! I wish I had some horror stories!!!
  7. by   2MagnoliaTrees
    semstr that is too funny. I can just see that thing flying across the room, out the window and into somebody's car hood. Thank God it wasn't somebody's head that it landed in. Can you imagine explaining that to the emergency room people. God bless.
  8. by   indynurse
    As we were struggling to get the tree to stand up, it became more and more apparent that DH did not know how a tree stand worked, and also that this tree had a particularly crooked trunk. He kept tightening the tree screws and making it lean this way and that (or fall over); I kept trying to help him by advising him which way it was leaning and that we needed this or that screw loosened or tightened.
    We had a tree like that...we named it "Eileen"
  9. by   l.rae
    Originally posted by indynurse
    We had a tree like that...we named it "Eileen"


    TOO FUNNY!:roll ....
    and Renee......where can l find a spitzer?.....that would be so cool, don't know if l have ever come across one in the US...LR
  10. by   semstr
    Come here, you'll find one every day, on almost every streetcorner, or "Weihnachtsmarkt" (=Christmasmarket). LOL
  11. by   VivaLasViejas
    Here's a near-disaster story that's been part of my family's lore for over 30 years: After my dad nearly blew apart our fireplace burning our dried-out tree in it, he and my mother decided that an artificial tree was the safest way to go. And so it was.....at least, until one year when, having swept off the dusty Christmas tree box and dragged it from the garage to the living room, we gathered to assemble the 7-ft flocked fake fir. I reached in to hand my dad the first of the large bottom branches and saw a small, furry, black-and-white critter in the box. Couldn't tell what it was since it was deep amongst the green boughs, but I alerted my dad, who peered in and promptly turned white as a sheet.

    "What is it?" my mother wanted to know.

    "It's a civet cat," replied my dad, who quickly began dragging the box toward the nearest exit.

    "Is that a skunk?" she asked.

    "That is a skunk," he confirmed. And sure enough, once the box was safely outdoors and the animal deposited on the front lawn, it pranced across the grass in all its white-striped glory as if this were an everyday occurrence. WHY the damned thing never sprayed is still a mystery, but we were sure glad it didn't---especially when it was in the house!!
  12. by   anitame
    Can you post a picture of a spitzer? Or a link to a website with one? I've been looking and can't find anything that's called a spitzer! LOL
  13. by   semstr
    I'll try to find one

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