The lumps are back....arrrggghhhh (Rant)

  1. The enlarged lymph nodes that melted away like butter during and shortly after my chemo have returned with a vengeance. I am back to looking like some hideous toad-man again. It's like the cancer enjoyed the chemo like a fine meal, and it made it worse. I am so damn discouraged. Maybe this is normal, but the doc seemed all excited when they went so fast while I was in the hospital. Today is hematology clinic day at the VA, and the NP is usually hard to reach then, but I am gonna try to find out WTF is going on.

    I have tried to be so tough through all this, and now more reasons to worry (like I needed more). Sometimes I wish I had kept drinking back in the 60's, and I woulda been gone a long time ago like my 3 buddies I drank with. But nooooo I tried to do the right thing for my kids and straighten out my act, and this is the reward I get. Well, if they say this fludara crap ain't working and want to try something stronger like Rituxan, where you have to get it in the ICU d/t danger of anapylaxisis, I am throwing in the towel.

    Sorry everyone, had to get it out somewhere, can't tell Gracie, don't want to worry her more than she already is.

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    About JonRN

    Joined: Jun '02; Posts: 1,085; Likes: 10


  3. by   finallyRN

    My prayers are with you. Hope all is o.k. hopefully they will go away as quickly as before. Please keep us updated.

  4. by   Sleepyeyes
    Oh pappy, i just don't know what to say!

    Hope you can get in touch with your NP today and find out what's going on.
  5. by   aus nurse
    Ohhhh Jon.....Damm damm damm hey. I don't really know what to say...wish I had some really wise words of wisdom or encouragement.....just wanted you to know I am mad at the universe for you.
    Hoping the clinic appointment does tell you it is all part of the normal process.
    As to the drinking yourself to death a long time ago...I am glad you didn't.
    Rant away, I am glad we can be here for you in some way.
  6. by   donmurray
    Jon, I value you and your posts, often irreverent, never irrelevant. Be sure there are good thoughts flying across the pond!
  7. by   renerian
    I did not realize you were going through so much. I am praying for you. Please check in and let us know how your doing.

  8. by   hapeewendy
    *sigh* I dont know what to say , the words escape me , which almost never happens
    You are one of the most beloved people around here
    and we feel what you feel, angry, annoyed , frustrated ...
    please let us know what the NP said , I am sending my thoughts your way this morning...
  9. by   sunnygirl272

    what else can i say? this just ****in' sucks.

    love to you and gracie.

    of all the crappy times of the year for you and reb to both have to deal with this ********....wtfwtfwtf....
  10. by   baseline
    Ditto Sunnygirl.

    I can't think of one thing to say that would be helpful or worthwhile........It just isn't fair.
  11. by   Furball
    Hey Pappy,

    I am very sorry for your troubles. Dump your bad feelings here anytime. I only had 1 little lump on my neck recently and I felt like Frankenstein........I do empathize. Come here for cyberhugs,frequently. Are there support groups around in your area? You seem very social and friendly on this BB. It may help.

    I lit a candle and said a prayer for you......take good care of yourself.

  12. by   Mattigan
    (((((((((((((((( BIG BEAR HUGS))))))))))))))))))
    What the f*ck is going on? This is really bogus. Why in the hell are two really awesome people that really like having to go through this at ANYTIME, let alone during the holiday season? Is there a reason? A point? Tell me again why Jesus is better than Santa?

    Yeah right, whatever.

    My thoughts are with you Pappy.... :kiss

  14. by   adrienurse
    I'm angry too! WTF WTF *****???!!!!!

    Be angry, be sad, be you. Just know you're loved.