[QUOTE]Originally posted by cheerfuldoer
[B]My first husband and I were together for almost 3 years before we married. That marriage lasted 18 years......some good...some not.
My current husband and I were together only 5 months before we married, and we've been married now for 12 years this month...some good...some not.
You win some...you lose some. I don't believe that LONGER dating periods will necessarily grant one a "Happy Ever After"....nor will a short dating period guarantee a complete failure of the marriage.....the proof is in the pudding of the two people making the commitment to one another.
The proof of whether one is "ready" or not for marriage comes in their ability to commit...remain a stable force for one another...quality of love shared between two people...not so much "quantity" because I know a lot of people married for many many moons who are not happy.....not even content......but are sold on remaining committed to what they vowed to uphold til death do they part.
Funny....today I was telling my hubby that nowhere in the marriage vows does it say "until divorce do we part"......or "until I fall out of love with you".....or "until you cheat on me, or I on you"....and so much more crap we divorce one another for......but the vows I repeated not once but twice said "Until DEATH do we part"........so........instead of my paying my old tired attorney $16,000.00 to rid myself of a man who had no "backbone", I should have killed the S.O.B.
So.....guess what I told my husband next? Uhhhhhh......huhhhhhh...you got it! If he and I part....it will be according to the vows we promised one another "UNTIL DEATH DO WE PART"....and I will be more than glad to put him out of his misery if he screws up royally AGAIN...in this marriage. :chuckle
Marriage is NOT perfect.....one human being meets another human being and falls in "something" with each other.....play for a time.....enjoy all the warm fuzzies from each other.....think that's good enough to marry on.....then once the warm fuzzies enter the "winter season" of the marriage (after the honeymoon has gone far south).....the feeling is gone, the relationship grows cold.....a divorce becomes the pursuit of ending what didn't get started on the right foot to begin with.
Marriage is built on COMMITMENT.....like any type of relationship should be. Some are good at being obedient to what and whom they commit to......and MOST are NOT! So.....choose your mate carefully.......make sure you are offering the mate you choose the same loving partner you expect him or her to be. :kiss
Had to copy all this, lots of wisdom here & I couldn't have said it as well. First time around, we dated for 4 years. Lasted 13, many not good (in retrospect). Don & I were together for 1 1/2 years before getting married 13 years ago Sept 30. Most good. Time doesn't matter as much as maturity, true comittment, friendship, and of course love. And it doesn't stop once you exchange vows. Marriage is harder work than work is. My poor husband put up with a lot of crap from my kids-I was lucky he didn't kill them off one by one, but he treats them as if they were his own, in fact better than their sperm donor has. Good luck to you.