Teen years may be more important time for parent to stay home than preschool years.

  1. I heard this on Good Morning America the other day (March 10). It was a short segment about the need teenagers have of parental supervision and influence, a need perhaps bigger in this age group than that of preschoolers. Also written about at www.abcnews.go.com and in the Lady's Home Journal.

    I was home with my preschoolers much more than I was away, but as the mother of 3 teenagers, I can see their point. The first 2 were/are no problem. My 14yo, let's just say our work with him is not done! I'm happy to be working agency now for more flexibility with my schedule.
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  2. 12 Comments

  3. by   Spidey's mom
    I'd rather be home with them all the time. Why do we HAVE to choose?

    They need us. Period.

    steph
    Last edit by Spidey's mom on Mar 12, '04
  4. by   Dialyzin' Dar
    If my mother had stayed home with us, I'm sure my sister and I would have grown up to be juvenile delinquents-- the only peace we got was the two hours between the time my father left for work and my mother came home from work. Being a 'latchkey kid' isn't as bad as being stuck at home with a parent who would much rather be at work-- and lets you know it!
  5. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from Dialyzin' Dar
    If my mother had stayed home with us, I'm sure my sister and I would have grown up to be juvenile delinquents-- the only peace we got was the two hours between the time my father left for work and my mother came home from work. Being a 'latchkey kid' isn't as bad as being stuck at home with a parent who would much rather be at work-- and lets you know it!
    Yeah, but you can't make policy based on the minority. Most parents don't act this way. I'm truly sorry that yours did.

    I guess I just don't get why we have to have studies about this. Our kids have different needs at different times and they need their parents involved in their lives.

    No one can dance with my two year old like me. No one can read "Muggins Mouse" with the same voice inflections and make him giggle. No one else knows how to get him to smile when he is unhappy.

    I think a better article would be one that points out how we can be better parents at all ages. My teenage daughter needs me for different things than my toddler need me for. That doesn't mean one age needs you more than the other.

    I'm not sure why this bugs me . . . . . sorry.

    steph
  6. by   prmenrs
    I think when my son was about 12 or so, I had to justify claiming the child care credit on my tax return because he was 'special needs'. Never mind the fact I'm a single parent working 12 hour shifts (meaning I was gone for ~ 14 hours!)

    It might be helpful to use that info to change the tax code?
  7. by   ceecel.dee
    Quote from stevielynn
    I guess I just don't get why we have to have studies about this. Our kids have different needs at different times and they need their parents involved in their lives.

    I think a better article would be one that points out how we can be better parents at all ages. My teenage daughter needs me for different things than my toddler need me for. That doesn't mean one age needs you more than the other.

    I'm not sure why this bugs me . . . . . sorry.

    steph
    Uummm, it just caught my eye as an interesting thing to finally recognize out loud, a point that parents of teenagers well knows, but not one that those just thinking about having kids may realize. I thought it may lend a bit of support to those who are lucky enough to have the choice to be home throughout their children's home years, as they may not get much of that.

    I'll leave the "better articles" to you.
  8. by   dphrn
    I am grateful that I was and am able to be at home with my boys. They need me for all different reasons. When they were toddlers, it is one reason, now that they are teenagers, it is another reason. When they were younger, I thought I would work more when they got older, now that they are older, my husband and I realize we still need to be here as often. I am grateful I chose nursing because the flexible schedule gives me and my husband the opportunity for one of us to always be here for them.

    I believe it is critical that I am home during their teen years. Supervision is key at this point. My boys are 16 and 14 and they are great kids (fingers crossed). So, I think what we are doing is working so far. Thanks for the article ceecel.dee.
  9. by   Loving Life
    As a single mother, I had to work. If I wanted assistance they would say you are a nurse- you can work. So we are forced to work. They handled it very well until there teenage years. They were active in hockey and figure skating. Then they got involved with gangy type kids. My house got taken over by these kids. I got burned out trying to be mother, MSW to others, etc. I needed to be home to protect my children and my home. My daughter had her first child when she was a senior in high school. We could talk about everything including birth control but she chose not to listen. My son chose to continue to choose the wrong path and is now in jail wating to go to boot camp because if his drinking and driving. I pray for them everyday. I cannot go back, but if I could I would find a way to stay home. When you have a degree and can work and you are single, it is not easy. The government does not give that type of assistance. Good child care is not easy either. People would say teenagers are never home wht difference does it make if you are home or not. It makes a big difference. At least you there to monitor and you are home protecting your house from those teenagers who have no where else to go. I could go on and on because I have had many problems with my teenagers and there friends.
  10. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I would HATE to see this become a "working parent versus at-home parent" fight. Lets' don't go there. ALL parents are "working" parents and most of us HONESTLY do the BEST we can. I have seen kids of at-home parents turn out just ROTTEN, DEPENDENT and DEADBEAT--- and kids of "working" parents turn out GRAND, independent and hard-working. Sometimes, it's just how kids are wired....sometimes.

    NO ONE WITH A RIGHT MIND WILL DEBATE OUR KIDS NEED THEIR PARENTS------ and I repeat most do the best they can. It's not always possible for people not to work outside the home. I see this becoming a nasty debate soon. It need not go that way. I think everyone here who responded is a caring parent; it really shows!
  11. by   roxannekkb
    Quote from SmilingBluEyes
    I would HATE to see this become a "working parent versus at-home parent" fight. Lets' don't go there. ALL parents are "working" parents and most of us HONESTLY do the BEST we can. I have seen kids of at-home parents turn out just ROTTEN, DEPENDENT and DEADBEAT--- and kids of "working" parents turn out GRAND, independent and hard-working. Sometimes, it's just how kids are wired....sometimes.

    NO ONE WITH A RIGHT MIND WILL DEBATE OUR KIDS NEED THEIR PARENTS------ and I repeat most do the best they can. It's not always possible for people not to work outside the home. I see this becoming a nasty debate soon. It need not go that way. I think everyone here who responded is a caring parent; it really shows!
    Amen. Most parents do the best that they can. I've seen stay at home moms spend their day in front of the TV set and gossipping on the phone, while their kids play unsupervised in the streets. I've seen working parents devote hours of time each day to their kids. One of my friends gets home from work about 4pm, and then takes her two kids out somewhere. They go bike riding, swimming at the community pool, walking, play ball--it's different all the time. They have fun together. She's a single parent (widowed), and aside from her working hourse, the bulk of her time is spent with her kids.

    In this day and age, for instance, it is far easier for working parents to keep in contact with their kids via cell phones and pagers. There are more flexible options for nurses, such as per diem or agency work. The physical presence of a parent does not guarantee good supervision, good parenting, a close relationship, open communication, etc.

    Kids need good parents, that's a given. In a perfect world, everything works out just fine. But in this world, we have to do the best we can.
  12. by   Loving Life
    Listening to everyone I feel I have done the best I could. I may have have changed a thing here and there, but I did what I thought I could at the time. Now that my children are older I can just be there to love them.
  13. by   renerian
    I love all my 5 kids but Lordy I am glad I do not have to stay home with them! 5 teenagers are awful. Always a crisis and drama somewhere. Praise all the parents who do that.

    renerian
  14. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from ceecel.dee
    Uummm, it just caught my eye as an interesting thing to finally recognize out loud, a point that parents of teenagers well knows, but not one that those just thinking about having kids may realize. I thought it may lend a bit of support to those who are lucky enough to have the choice to be home throughout their children's home years, as they may not get much of that.

    I'll leave the "better articles" to you.
    Oh my gosh I didn't mean to make my response sound like you took it. Sorry about that.

    It was an interesting article and I'm certainly not saying I could find better articles than you. My frustration is just that I took the article to be one of those that is designed to make parents feel better about putting their kids in daycare when they are infants/toddlers. Like, hey, it is ok to put your kids in daycare because they don't need you then. They just need you when they are teenagers. It was my own personal take and has nothing to do with personally with you or your posting of the article.

    Sorry sorry sorry . . .Deb is right. This shouldn't be a debate. Good parents are good parents no matter what.

    The truth is there are people who try to make working parents feel guilty and there are people who try to make stay at home parents feel like their choice is unimportant. I guess the article made me feel unimportant.

    Again, just personal.

    Thanks ceecel.dee

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