Tacky, Tacky, Tacky

  1. You know what? In the grand scheme of things, my problems are Sooooo minute. But I've been bugged by a couple of things and I have to vent here because I don't want to vent in my family and hurt people's feelings.

    I haven't been feeling well lately. Well, since the end of April, so my tolerance levels are WAY down.

    My nephew, whom I love to distraction, got married this month. He lives in a far-distant state from me. They apparently had a teeny tiny wedding to which they didn't invite anybody. They sent out a (very, very small - I don't know why that got up my nose, but it did) wedding announcement (this is not the problem) which consisted of a store-bought card (also not the problem) with the announcement printed up by them on their printer (still okay - I'm not THAT bytchy) BUT with a card from the web site where they'd registered for wedding gifts STAPLED to the FRONT of the card!!!!!!!

    Then, to make things (to my mind, but remember I've been in pain for over a month so I'm REALLY crabby) Every bloody THING they register for is BLEEDING TAN!!! Tan, Ecru, off-white, beige, oyster, and on and on and on!

    I understand they'll have a reception later on in the summer, to which they'll invite the family. I really do love him, but it seems to me that if I have to buy a wedding gift, I should at least have a bridey to look at, and wish them happy on their special day.

    Pout pout pout.

    Edited because I did regain my senses.

    Love

    Dennie
    Last edit by NurseDennie on Jul 1, '02
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  2. 39 Comments

  3. by   Zee_RN
    Take a DEEP breath....in through your nose, out through your mouth....repeat and say "The grass is green; the sky is blue." Continue process until a feeling of relaxation overcomes you. (Of course, I've been doing this for about a month now...I'll let you know when I'm relaxed, TEE-HEE!)

    Gad, I hate those kind of days too. You'll work it out though. Hope your nephew is happy; that's all that really matters.

    Hang in there, kiddo!
  4. by   canoehead
    All their gifts COULD have been puke orange!

    You have my sympathy
  5. by   formernurse
    To my way of thinking, stapling that "gift registry list" to the front of the invitation is about as tacky as you can get. I have NEVER received a wedding invitation with a gift list enclosed or attached.

    When you choose a gift, pick something neutral that you feel they could use just starting out.
  6. by   prn nurse
    Helllooooo ! These two characters don't care about you. They showed their priority and chief concern by stapling the registry location/gift list onto the card, because they were concerned you'd be so danged senile and goofy, you'd let it fall out on the floor and be too decrepit and ignorant to notice. And that was their most important communication to you..the gift request.

    Not even a 35 cent photo from Walgreen's.?

    What on earth do you find so luvable about this guy?

    I'd luv to meet his "bride"...sounds like a candidate for "you must be a redneck if............___________!"

    She would make the list!

    No class. And , it does matter.
  7. by   donmurray
    Something in Puce might be appropriate........
  8. by   hoolahan
    Hi Dennie,

    Guys don't usually know enough about weddings to do this kind of thing, or even to not do this kind of thing. This sounds like it came from the bride, maybe she is just really naive??? You love your nephew, he married her, so try to make the best of it. Send them a gift certificate so they can get something they really need. Something like you would get for a shower, b/c if they have a reception, you'll need to buy a gift them too.

    Deep breaths. Try to look at it from the angle that she is too young to know any better. You'll be able to learn more about her when you finally meet her. A picture would have been nice to include, but maybe they are on a small budget?? Maybe that's why they didn't have the big wedding. ????
  9. by   live4today
    Dennie...((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) How about holding your comments until you are face to face with the bride and groom at their reception. After observing them at the reception and their response to everyone present....including you...THEN you will be more ready to approach your nephew and niece-in-law with much thought out comments about how you would have loved to see them married, but how happy...or NOT...that you are to see them at that given time...etc....etc...etc. Sometimes there are more litigating circumstances than meets one's eye about why things took place the way they did. ALSO...let's keep in mind their youthfulness...inexperience...raised in this McDonald age...possibly spoiled and egocentric in nature...computer/game boy generation...you get my drift??? Above all else...IF after assessing the situation you feel the need to let that nephew of yours have it...go for it. Sometimes it IS the kids of today that need a WAKE-UP call in the area of respect and manners for those who have loved and cared for them all their lives. :kiss
  10. by   eltrip
    Dennie,
    I just hate that you haven't been feeling well...and in pain, to boot! No fun & no fair! I hope that whatever the problem is, will be resolved VERY soon!

    Ditto what cheerfuldoer & hoolahan said. I also like donmurray's suggestion of giving them something in puce. That would give a good "punch" of color to contrast with their decor!
  11. by   NurseDennie
    You guys are SO perceptive!!

    Yeah, the whole wedding announcement/gift registry has "HER" written all over it. No, I don't resent "her" from being freaked out that he's married. He's 23 - he's plenty old enough to get married. I don't dislike her or anything! They haven't known each other all that long, and we haven't seen each other in a while. (His brother married the girl that he'd been dating since high school, all though university. We all just love her like she'd been born into the family, you know? And THEY had a wedding! With kilts!

    I couldn't go there for this neph's graduation from university this May, and now there's no wedding to go to. No bridey all dressed up in white and no my nephew dressed up in a formal kilt or some formal clothing for me to sniffle sniffle I remember you being ***This*** long over!

    I'll go to the reception. I've been thinking I'll just send them a check, and bring a nice present to the reception. I don't think they need a good talking-to. I'm afraid that this is just the way that manners have gone in this day and age. You hear about it all the time - it's just the first time I've actually SEEN a request for gifts actually STAPLED to a wedding announcement.

    It is funny, because we have had some classic gifts that are a family tradition. When I got married, his mum and dad were still dating and somebody had given them a decanter and glasses set that was just awful! It was glass with painted "stained glass" areas and weird plastic "jewels" glued to it. She gave it to me saying "This is way too ugly for me, you can have it." I just about died laughing.

    It's been passed to every couple in the family upon their marriage, along with a horrid teakwood HUGE fork and spoon (designed for hanging on a wall somewhere) that I'd given to HER saying that this was too ugly for me, she could have it. Nobody uses these gifts, just puts them away for the next victim couple.

    Love

    Dennie
  12. by   thisnurse
    dennie...i think you are right about the manners. it is tacky but i doubt that harm was meant by it. more likely they decided since ppl would probably be sending them gifts they might as well get what they want.
    i would never do that but who can speak for ppl today?
    and i dont think you are being overly sensitive. i think thats really a lot of nerve...especially when its a wedding announcement.
    just let it go. its not even worth saying anything to him about it. that will only cause hard feelings. besides...im SURE someone will say something about it.
    i can remember when my ex brother in law got married. i was 8 mos pregnant and walking with a cane. i worked my butt off for their bridal shower....cooking...serving ppl...cleaning. i bought them a toaster and some dish towels. since they got 2 other toasters i offered to take mine back and give them the money.
    so i get a "thank you" card in the mail written by him....
    "this is supposed to be a thank you card but since we didnt get anything from you thanks for helping"

    gotta tell you compared to this...your gift registry doesnt seem so bad...lol

    hope your pain gets better. god i know what its like.
  13. by   LasVegasRN
    It's like my folks always say.. Be the bigger person.
    Hope you feel better soon, Dennie! :kiss
  14. by   Stargazer
    Dennie,
    You're not wrong to feel that this was rude. Stapling the gift registry info to the invitation implies that the price of admission is a gift, whereas a gift is always supposed to be voluntary.

    Being young and unsophisticated is no excuse---there are scores of wedding and etiquette books in the library that can be read for free, not to mention a plethora of sites on the internet.

    Having grown up reading Judith Martin (Miss Manners), I know exactly what she'd say. By all means, go to the reception. Buy them something beautiful, tasteful, and ornamental that is NOT on their registry and doesn't match anything they've registered for (while not actively clashing)--a cut-glass vase, an ornate picture frame, some elegant but esoteric kitchen implement whose function is not readily discernable. Then entertain yourself by imagining them struggling to write you a thank-you card that says anything more original than, "Thank you for the lovely gift." (Assuming they remember to send out thank-you notes at all!)

    Why yes, I AM an etiquette Nazi, thanks for asking.
    Last edit by Stargazer on Jul 2, '02

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