Soon to be "Mother of the bride" needs advice

  1. Last week my daughter became engaged to a wonderful young man. Since she is my only child, I feel pretty lost in all of this. I would first like to explain that her Dad and I are divorced and he has remarried also. So our daughter has two sets of parents that love her dearly and want to make this day perfect in every way. My x-hubby even told my daughter that he felt it would not be proper if both Dad's didn't walk her down the isle. Ours was a friendly divorce and I have nothing but the greatest respect for his wife as she is a fabulous second Mom to our daughter. The four of us will share the wedding expenses equally. BUT, what else does the Mothers of the bride do? I want to take extra care to include her second Mom in everything, so what do I do and where do I begin? My daughter and her hubby to be are making all the plans for they want a small but eligant wedding with only immediate family. So....any ideas, tips, pointers or advice would be welcome because I want this day to be just perfect. I feel very blessed that both sets of parents have so much love for her and we can all get along so well. Maybe I'm partial but I think that's why she turned out to be such a super young lady. I can hardly control my happiness because this young man is very dear to me already and I knew 3 months before he asked her when he was going to do about hard to keep my mouth shut but I felt so honored that he told me, torture couldn't have pulled it from my lips. Please share your pointers, cause I'm lost!!!!
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    About duckie

    Joined: Jan '04; Posts: 0
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  3. by   live4today
    Congrats Momma are about to gain a "son"! :kiss I gained a few sons myself when my three girls married (even though one daughter divorced...I still am fond of my former son in law) and they're all "GRrrrreat" Tony the Tiger says.

    I would suggest that you and the step-mom work together on whatever details your daughter ask of you to do, and no more. Simply ask your daughter what she would like for the two moms to do...and work on that as a team. I mean...what else can you do if your daughter and future son-in-law want a small wedding that they are putting together quite nicely without much parental input. Just be happy that your daughter is emotionally and socially mature enough to handle details such as this regarding her future. When you think you haven't done enough...step back and take a long hard look at your daughter...and say...Duckie...job well done. Ya done good, Duckie! Be proud as you let go of your daughter as you gain a son in the process. Just start counting those grandkids that the two of them will depend on you to help out with down the way. Now...that's when the fun really begins. :chuckle :kiss
    Last edit by live4today on Jul 10, '02
  4. by   nursejws
    Congratulations Duckie!

    From the daughter's point of view, do ask what you can do for your daughter and remember this is her day. My Mom lived in another state when I planned (oops, both) of my weddings, so I didn't get to share that with her as I would have liked. You know, shopping for the gown, etc. Infact, my sister didn't even help me pick out my gown, it was one of my brides maids. I pretty much KNEW what I wanted in my wedding gown after attending a bridal show. For my 2nd marriage, my sister DID help me pick out a nice dress. We didn't want a formal wedding, but I found a really nice white was beautiful! Thank God she went with me, because she helped me get a discount. (My sister ALWAYS running her mouth. ) My parents were not able to attend my 2nd wedding due to my Dads health, but I did talk to them the morning of several times.

    Some ideas where you could help: picking out the wedding gown, shopping for attendants gifts, picking out the wedding bouquet or flowers/decorations, help with rsvp's or getting invitations out. Maybe the two sets of parents could throw a party before in the couple's honor, or host a rehearsal dinner together.

    The groom to be *might* want to help with the flowers and/or the gifts...just depends on how involved he really wants to be.
    Congratulations and have fun!
  5. by   shygirl
    Do whatever your daughter asks of you. Be sure to include the step-mom too. Congratulations!

    Congratulations Duckie!

    I think the best thing would be if you asked your daughter what she wanted help with, what she needed from both of you. I know they have the best intentions, but sometimes mothers and mother-in-laws seem to come out of the woodwork and overcrowd a bride-to-be at wedding time. She should have no problem telling you what she needs from you, and delegating (there's that nurse lingo) certain tasks to you, or asking for your help in certain areas.

    Again, congratulations to all of you during this exciting time! It's wonderful that you are such a close extended family!

    And hey, I know this girl that does great cakes...

  7. by   canuckeh!
    Besides offering to do whatever you can to help, why not work together on our project for your children. How about putting together a recipe box of all the family recipes(both sides). On the backs of the cards jot down a bit of history about the person who was the source of the recipe or any family member.
  8. by   NurseDennie
    These are all good suggestions.

    Don't forget to pay for stuff!