Son's friend stole from me

  1. What would you do? I am one hundred percent certain that this kid took a dollar out of my purse. Yes, just a dollar, so the cash isn't the problem. The dishonesty is. I should point out that this kid doesn't have the easiest time- the reason he's staying with us this weekend in the first place is because his parents are divorced and so bitter that Dad refused to trade weekends with Mom, even though Mom had to go out of town for work or risk being fired. This is not the first time I've suspected this kid of taking something from this house, but this time I caught him.
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  2. 16 Comments

  3. by   lil' girl
    Maybe he wants you to catch him. You know and tell mom and dad, so maybe he will get some attention. Sounds like dad is ignoring him and poor mom has to work. If he wanted to steal for the money he would have took more than a dollar. Ya know kids will do weird things to get some much needed attention. Maybe you should confront him and see if you can find out WHY he took the money. Maybe he will talk to you. Maybe he is trying to get your attention since he can't or (doesn't????) get it from his parents. Just my 02
  4. by   jnette
    Quote from lil' girl
    Maybe he wants you to catch him. You know and tell mom and dad, so maybe he will get some attention. Sounds like dad is ignoring him and poor mom has to work. If he wanted to steal for the money he would have took more than a dollar. Ya know kids will do weird things to get some much needed attention. Maybe you should confront him and see if you can find out WHY he took the money. Maybe he will talk to you. Maybe he is trying to get your attention since he can't or (doesn't????) get it from his parents. Just my 02

    I tend to agree with Lil' Girl on this. How old is this boy? That would make a difference in how I would addresse this .

    If he is young.. (pre teen), I would call him aside privately and share your concerns with him and ask him up front.. tellling him that no harm or punishment will come to him if he is honest with you.

    If he denies it, and you find out (and remind him that lies DO have a way of coming out, and getting all snarly.. a web he might not later be able to free himself of) that there would THEN be repercussions to his act of lying. And that you might not want to have him over to your house in the future, or as a playmate for your son. Which is more important to him?

    I would also tell him that if he needs money for school snax, or something, that he should feel free to ASK.. to not be ashamed to ask..you may and you may NOT always be able to meet his wishes, but you would be happy to find way to allow him to EARN a dollar here and there.
  5. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Quote from jnette
    I tend to agree with Lil' Girl on this. How old is this boy? That would make a difference in how I would addresse this .

    If he is young.. (pre teen), I would call him aside privately and share your concerns with him and ask him up front.. tellling him that no harm or punishment will come to him if he is honest with you.

    If he denies it, and you find out (and remind him that lies DO have a way of coming out, and getting all snarly.. a web he might not later be able to free himself of) that there would THEN be repercussions to his act of lying. And that you might not want to have him over to your house in the future, or as a playmate for your son. Which is more important to him?

    I would also tell him that if he needs money for school snax, or something, that he should feel free to ASK.. to not be ashamed to ask..you may and you may NOT always be able to meet his wishes, but you would be happy to find way to allow him to EARN a dollar here and there.
    I agree 100%.
  6. by   leslie :-D
    i too, agree with jnette 100%.


    leslie
  7. by   mercyteapot
    The boy is 12. I probably should have taken the tack Jnette suggested as soon as I realized he had taken it. I am going to wait till after dinner and talk to him about it. I do know for sure he took it, I came in the room as he was quickly stashing my purse back on my desk shelf, and he claimed that he had brought the dollar from home in case we went to the pool today (there's a vending machine there). His Mom called me on her cell last night, apologizing that she had forgotten to give him some cash and saying that "he won't even have any change in his pocket like he usually does because I just pulled all his clothes out of the dryer before we came over". A few months ago, this Mom had taken both boys for a haircut and there apparently was a scene when she sent this kid to tip the stylist and he shorted the woman a dollar. So, if I end up telling his Mom, I don't think she'll be shocked. I feel for the kid, because when I was about nine, I stole some money from my Dad and looking back, I am sure it was an attention getting ploy (I could write the book on dysfunctional families, and it was at its worst at that point of my development). Oh, and I should add, that you're right, he could have taken much more. I had $63 in there!
  8. by   jnette
    Awww... the little fella.. all he really wanted was some drink money for the pool.
    Probably too ashamed to ask someone for it.. maybe his mom yells at him when he asks for money for these things.

    While stealing is certainly NOT the answer, I can still feel for the kid.

    He DOES need to be confronted in a gentle, yet firm manner about this, or he will think he got by with it, why not again another time.. then again, and again...

    It touched my heart that the little guy only took a dollar, when there was so much more there he could have helped himself to.

    And yet it's not the amount, but the act itself, and it needs to be addressed.

    When you you speak with him.. speak with your heart.. he'll see it in your eyes.
    He'll hear your words, but but he will understand with the heart as he looks into your eyes when you lift his face gently to meet eye to eye and heart to heart.

    Then whisper a prayer for this young man as you lie down to sleep tonight.
  9. by   leslie :-D
    even though stealing should never be condoned, there is something about this story that tugs at your heart strings....
  10. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I agree with jnette.....

    You know, there was at time when my son was in school, a kid was stealing things from others' lunches and food in the cafeteria. My son was horrified and told me about it. Broke my heart....

    Instead of busting him, I sent extra food for him with my son and told him to share it discreetly. I also informed the teacher of my concerns about this boy (his disheveled appearance was a bit of a giveaway). I was right: Turned out, the boy was not getting lunch from home and "fell thru the cracks" in the free lunch program, so he was just plain hungry.

    Always pays to try and understand what motivates kids to do these things.....most are not criminals at heart, but other reasons exist why they do it.... desire to gain attention and neediness come to mind to me. I think jnette's advice was dead-on.
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Feb 19, '05
  11. by   Spidey's mom
    It makes me very angry that divorcing parents do this to their kids.

    Of course if they got along, they would still be married.

    If they cared at all about the kids, they wouldn't argue about whose weekend it was. Kids look to their parents for safety . . . and what do some of them get?

    Spoken as a child of divorce and a divorced mom with 2 toddler boys abut 18 years ago.

    steph
  12. by   abundantjoy07
    Wow. My mom would have knocked the mess out of me without a second thought if she knew I stole one red cent from her. Since this isn't your son, I don't know how to address it. Well I do...but all I want to say is that age isn't an issue. He was old enough to know what he did was wrong...and that is all that matters.
  13. by   mercyteapot
    Quote from BabyRN_06
    Wow. My mom would have knocked the mess out of me without a second thought if she knew I stole one red cent from her. Since this isn't your son, I don't know how to address it. Well I do...but all I want to say is that age isn't an issue. He was old enough to know what he did was wrong...and that is all that matters.
    Well, I did have the mess knocked out of me when I stole from my Dad. I certainly wouldn't want to be responsible for anyone having that sort of consequence. I did talk to him after dinner, and he tearfully denied taking the dollar, then backtracked and admitted it. I am not going to tell his mom. For one thing, she obviously knows it is a problem, given the incident with the haircuts. For another, I have to catch a plane in the morning, and my husband is going to be here with the boys. He is stressed to the breaking point, and I don't want to bother him with this.
  14. by   Tweety
    Quote from stevielynn
    It makes me very angry that divorcing parents do this to their kids.

    Of course if they got along, they would still be married.

    If they cared at all about the kids, they wouldn't argue about whose weekend it was. Kids look to their parents for safety . . . and what do some of them get?

    Spoken as a child of divorce and a divorced mom with 2 toddler boys abut 18 years ago.

    steph

    I get so angry when divorced couples use kids as a weapon to make the other one angry. So dad made mom angry. But the message the child gets is "my dad doesn't love me and doesn't want me around". I'm sure there's more problems brewing beside theivery and is it any wonder?

    Family values, gotta love it.

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