Someone older and wiser guide me!!

  1. I have no idea how to deal with my Mother when talking about my boyfriend. It's the only area that I fight about with her and I can't stand it. Everything is negative and I'm always having to defend him to her and my family. I'm so sick of it!:angryfire

    How do I deal with her rude comments?

    I know most people have been through something like this but it just drives me nuts. Maybe I'm trying too hard to please everybody, but I just want my family to love him like I do. Yeah yeah I know that's not realistic, but man if wanting things badly enough made them happen...
  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   JBudd
    Well, as the mom of a 20, 17 and 14 year old, the first thing that popped into my mind is: what is the matter with him that she wants to protect you from?

    Does he have a job, or is he mooching off you?
    Does he smell, have poor hygeine?
    Is he as well educated as you?
    Does he show her respect?
    If he meets criteria, then stand up for him. If not, maybe she's got a point.

    So, your replies might be: "He really treats me well Mom, the kind of guy you taught me to look for"
    "Funny, he only says nice things about you"
    "Too bad you feel that way Mom, but I really like him, you'll just have to put up with my choices for now."
    "If he leaves bruises, you have my permission to (kill, assasinate, go after) him." (just joking........sort of )
  4. by   happydays352
    I know and I've told her those things, i.e. he makes me happy so suck it up, but much nicer. However, she will verbally assault him when he's around so he doesn't want to be near my family. It's very painful because I love my family and I want to incorporate him into it and she's making it sooo hard.

    The only thing with him that she doesn't like is that he isn't college educated, yet. He can't afford it but he has a very well paying job in IT and he has worked for Intel making about what a new nurse grad makes . He's only 23 and my Dad didn't graduate college until he was 30 so I think she's being a wee bit hypocritical.
    Plus he stutters and it "annoys" my Mom. I'm like hello he can't help it would it annoy you if he was blind or deaf or something?

    Thank you for the advice though, I just need to stay calm and stand firm when I talk to her. Getting angry and all worked up doesn't help.
  5. by   zuzi
    Change the boyfriend...loooooooool....a good advice from a not wiser women
  6. by   Grace Oz
    The thing is; often us older, wiser, mothers can see things which you younger women cannot.
    The advantage of having lived on planet earth for many moons is that you acquire skills and knowledge which we do not have when younger.
    Life skills. Knowledge gained only through experience.
    As parents we want what is best for our children. We want our child to be happy. Sometimes, the child thinks they're happy. They think they've found "the one". When we're young and "in love", we don't see as clearly as when our mind is uncluttered from the feelings of being "in love". We deny the realities to ourselves, sometimes.
    However, others can see what we are not seeing, or are refusing to see.
    It's equally hard being the mother in this kind of situation.
    Understanding and tolerance, patience, and open, clear communication are needed.
    You can't force people to like or accept others. Trying to do so will only make things much worse.
    I wish you all the best.
    Be kind to your mother!
    Last edit by Grace Oz on Oct 10, '07
  7. by   loricatus
    May I suggest that you talk to his mother about problems about your mother. I think that his mother discussing things about her son with your mother may be the way to settle this.

    I found by talking to the parents of the young men that my daughter has seriously dated, I can get a good picture of their upbringing and the values instilled in them. I hope that your mother would not treat his parents the way she is treating him.

    For now, you can tell your mother that her attitude is a reflection on you; and, you are ashamed of her rude and uncaring behavior. This might be all she needs to wake up and see how she is behaving.
  8. by   DDRN4me
    i have to agree with the other posters who say that perhaps your mom sees something in the relationship that concerns her.
    One of the hardest things that a mom can do is stand by while her dd makes what she considers to be a poor choice in a bf or mate.
    sit down calmly with your mom (maybe take her out to lunch) and ask for specific reasons why she doesnt care for him.
    IF she cant name them; ask her to please give him another chance.
    Maybe if the three of you do some things together she will "warm up"... or you will see some things that you didnt before. good luck!!